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 Jan 2016 Lillian Harris
Mikaila
I want to pick out wallpaper with you.
I want to laugh
While we're in the grocery store
Deciding what to make for dinner.
I want to fall asleep ten minutes into the movie
Wrapped in your arms
No makeup, no clothes, no worries.
It seems
Such a grownup way to want someone,
Such a different way to love.
But
I have been searching my whole life
For a way to exist in this world.
This ordinary, mundane world
This place I've done much to escape from and to
Dream
My way out of.
I remember once I wrote a poem
About how big things don't **** you,
Small things do.
I said people turn to ash as life wears them away
And crumble into their morning cereal.
The mundanities of life
Seemed killers to me.
But you...
You bring joy to every ordinary moment.
I already know the beauties of this world well.
I stop and make myself see them.
It is the dullness I've neglected, the little boring things--
I've never gotten to treasure ordinariness.
I've always had to slip past moments of silence like a shadow, hoping not to linger long enough to feel lonely.
You have opened up
Half the world for me.
You have given me the freedom to look forward to
Every shopping trip
Every chore
Every lazy Sunday.
Things that let my demons out before
Now I can treasure them,
Now you've let the sun in on them
And I don't know if you'll understand how incredible that is when you read this poem
But I can assure you
...It's the best.
I no longer cared about sweaty palms,
After I felt her hands
I would catch every disease just to hold on
It no longer mattered. Only she mattered.

Everything but my hand, a void
My body, space;
My hand, the earth;
Her fingers, the sun.

That hand taught me how to live.
Nothing past had mattered
The thing that mattered was this hands owner
Not even the voice that wanted to let go and run.

Following up her goose bumped arm
To a dress that made summer jealous,
Skin that beat fresh snow
And hair like autumn trees.

If mother earth was real
Her real plan was this girl
The sky was made to reflect of her eyes
Then bounce into my soul.

The only time the horde in my brain halted
And the fleet in my stomach retreated
To think the best medicine could be a human
She threw all the pills out the window

Pain killers came through kisses,
The psychotic moods gone with hugs,
Vocal novacane caught tears
And the only sickness was love

Now without her.
Its withdrawal of happiness
Human touch now words on a page
Love hidden under the bed.
My stomach never felt like this
A stone falling deep into the sea
Going into the unknown
Actually makes me so aware

3 AM felt so warming
Infiltrating my dreams
For me to wake up with a smile
Was no longer rare

I could get out of bed
Take my first breath
All without feeling sick
And that was scary

Stepping outside was now refreshing
Instead of being bashed by the tide
I flowed with it
I found a painkiller for numbness.
My room,
Both a death camp and a safe zone,
Rather wither away,
Than face execution.

Open door,
Deep breath,
Failure.

Hand over my feelings,
back to bed,
laying there,
friends were a conspiracy.

Leaving this house a teenage floor of lava,
To the armory,
Wield headphones and an over grown coat.

Open door,
Deep breath,
Stand.

The sun hurt as if i just left a space ship,
Fear of both know and unknown,
On this planet I was the alien.

Open gate,
Deep breath,
Walk.

Pavements conveyor belts,
Pushing out ghouls of society,
Cubicle bound,
Grey walls.

Yet still asked why so scared,
Of what I wish was just in my head,
This earth,
The land of dead.
The punctuation is a lot different in this than previous poems I have wrote as this was a spoken word poem I used.
898

How happy I was if I could forget
To remember how sad I am
Would be an easy adversity
But the recollecting of Bloom

Keeps making November difficult
Till I who was almost bold
Lose my way like a little Child
And perish of the cold.
For seconds
there is a purpose
to everything,
and all that matters hums
with a breezy intensity,
the coincidental collision clockwork
murmurs
right on time;
and all the charms
and all the chimes
are you.
A pretty face can carry you far
But when the beauty is gone
They will move on

And even though your heart is made of gold
They will see no value
Because they are always looking for the next best you.
Thought this was relevant to the corporate world and also in relationships sometimes.
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