It’s twelve midnight and I start thinking
About a question once posed to me
“Are you afraid of the ocean?” They asked
Out of curiosity. It tugged at my mask.

Lying on the ocean bed for eons after eons
On my back staring back at the black sky
Lying on the ocean bed till I could take it no more
A millimeter, or two, I tried to open my eyes

Clawing at my neck till gills are born
They said a nebula must collapse for a star to be born
I guess I was the nebula and now I have moved on
Deep underwater, I’m no longer forlorn

The ocean vast and wide with endless opportunities
The ocean where I was sunk in
A dessert made of my blood, sweat and tears
The ocean where I now live

The ocean brings back memories which sometimes
Still make me breathless (I’d forgotten I’ve gills now)
Yes, yes I’m afraid of going back to what I was
Yet, yet I know that I’m no longer lost

It’s twelve midnight and I start breathing
I’ve survived, so it’s time to start living

So many things that I’d wish people knew
So many things I’d rather hide away 
Throwing my hands up in surrender 
As I fall to my back against the beach
Watching the stars make love to the universe 
Watching myself dance to fate’s melody 

I’d like to tell myself to remember 
That I should live life sober 
That hurting is not the way out 
That pain isn’t the only feeling I know 
To not listen to the sea breeze’s calling
To not walk into the ocean’s embrace 

Even if I end up at the bottom of the seabed again 
Even if all I can do is drown in my memories again 
I’d like to tell myself to remember
There’s me waiting on the shore 
Waiting for my reflection to get back up 
Patiently waiting, till I get back up

Moving along the waves
Basking under the moonlight
I still remember your piercing gaze
Which once set my skin alight
Was I in love with you
Or the ”me” with you?

Listening to the monotonous droning of the professor's voice
Going on and on becoming white noise
My eyelids growing heavy, like I'm trying to support the sky with my two hands
Vision becoming blurry as I glance around the room
To see your eyes meet mine
Those brown ones so fine
A little shy as we tread this fine line
Where we are on two ends with arms outstretched
Yet not too sure if our intentions matched
I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks
On this morning at ten thirty
The professor goes on and on but all I see is you
Smiling at me in a seminar room

Dipping a sable fur brush into blue
A teal blue the colour of the ocean of my imaginations
A blue I'll sink into
Like how the colour sinks into parchment

A stroke across white, precise and gentle
Like the way your eyes deliver warmth
Like the way I'll sink into the burnt umber of your eyes
I'm gravitating towards you
No matter how I run, no matter how I hide
I still end up with scraped knees
As though I'm addicted to falling

Stroke after stroke, watching the colours bleed together
In patterns beyond imagination
To create a piece just for you and me
Inside my head, locked away
Because I know no matter how I feel
These stories are never real

A blue so vivid yet faded
A brown so simple yet elaborate
Where colours collide on a parchment white
I'll just be blue, a blue ocean night

Staggering to my feet from the icy bathroom floor
One hand raised to shield my swollen red eyes from the
Blinding sunlight filtering through the dew-stained leaves of maple trees
Another hand weakly grabbing onto the porcelain white sink
When a sudden wave of gut-turning nausea caused my knees to buckle
And the white room spun
My vision peppered with phosphenes like holographic dust
My skin drenched in cold sweat

No longer sweet since the day you left me
My blood’s a bitterness you can’t imagine

Falling apart from a height
Laying shattered on the ground
Broken shards reflecting light
Casting myriads of hues all around
Is it only then do we realize how beautifully broken we are?