Her almond-shaped gaze squints slightly
as if to question “how can this be?”
A wave of solace overtakes her
A sun break streaming through,
dissolving every cloud,
tiny particles of warmth beaming
every last cell of her, radiating

Safe and held in the caress of his softness
Deep desire seeps from her, dripping from each trembling thigh
The same which hold him,
locked in a grip of passion
An unfamiliar yearning
An indescribable pulsation
Each wave overcoming her attention
Each longing so visceral, they leave her
crying out in gasps of predilection

She rests in pleasure of deep golden hazel
Asleep soundly knowing those eyes,
those hands have taken her in completely before finally releasing her to a slumber of immeasurable possibility

She feels awakened
A diverging electricity courses from her
A dichotomy of unknown-mixed-certainty
jolts her palpating heart with exhilaration
Each story from his lips weaves continual mystery,
twinning a heightened awareness;
That pure contentment graces her just at the sight of him

Lately I have felt convicted,
about all, which I don’t have to worry.
About all that has others afflicted,
out of work, hungry, and thirsty.

Lately I have felt burdened,
for those that suffer with sickness.
For those whose conditions have worsened,
at their end, only masked faces bear witness.

Lately I have felt culpable,
that I am deemed essential.
That my work is somehow untouchable,
while others’, made to seem incidental.

Lately I have felt completely content,
that I get the opportunity each day,
to relish every single moment,
never again, wish a minute away.

You see, I have come to realize
reasons for why I came to be;
To love others, acknowledge, and empathize,
all of which for others, feels unseen.

But I have also learned something crucial,
a truth I could never before believe.
I need no one else’s approval.
I need not always to achieve.

I am beginning to believe I am worthy.
I am starting to believe I am enough.
Where was I going in such a hurry?
On myself, why was I so rough?

There is nothing stronger than gentleness,
and nothing so gentle as true strength.
To be vulnerable is not a weakness,
to care, converse with others at length.

There is nothing more precious than time,
it is neither here nor there.
We can live either by default or design.
We can choose to take or abundantly share.

For me, I will chose the latter,
no matter how much or how little I possess.
For me, now loving myself matters,
loving others, the ultimate success.

It’s true what they say

The person that cares least, wields the most power

I’m in a perpetual state of punishment for a crime I had no knowledge of committing.

Your indifference is colder than any passionate exchange of anger. At least emotion, even negative, means you care.

Each encounter between us leaves one less piece of me, stealing what I thought was given willingly.

My heart no longer aches, just my eyes. Each disdain-filled word piercing through my corneas as if a car flashed its’ brights just around the corner of a hairpin turn.

Each time, more blinding than the last. Each time, I lose control of the wheel. The car spins out of control and I crash. Hard.

You just keep driving, unphased in the slightest. Par for the course. You’ve seen worse than the havoc I’m left in.

Is it comforting to you? How many crime scenes have you walked away from scot-free?

I finally understand. The blame falls to me. Even though this handiwork has your distinct signature; boy who gives zero ***** for anyone but himself.

I dial your number

My body responds - shunting all blood from extremities to my vital organs
Prepared for the threat that could occur at any moment

My toes run cold with every unanswered ring

Voicemail.

My fingers have gone numb
My heart doesn’t understand what to make of this

You pull me in close and push me away like a yo-yo you were never done playing with

Down
and
Up and




Down

Does the string never end?

I’m so far down now, the yo-yo must be in on the joke
Conditioned to a cycle of deep anxiety

Till every firework feels like it may be a bomb
Something meant for joy
Instead, an imminent threat

You of all people should understand why
I coward at the sign of a spark
You are a vet after all

I let the fireworks hit me, knowing full well it will hurt
And it does hurt. And you aren’t sorry.

I guess I’d hoped for better than cold hands and an empty heart.