I want to die
I want to die small

I want to lie in my coffin
scars and bones

I want to be so skeletal that it doesnt matter if you dig me up

1 week
or
20 years

after i am buried because i will look exactly the same

i want to die this disgusting fairy
riddled with bad breath and osteoporosis

frozen like a gargoyle from pain
hairless and toothless

this time last year was dark
and unclear
there were hopes for me
i had no fear

my scars - still wounds
my heart still yearning
he said 'i love you' and the
room started
turning

how silly i was, i couldn't believe
i replayed it forever
i love him, you see

patience had met a boy
in my absence
and the morning sun had met her moon
a precious stone was lost
the day the grass lit up with frost

-

this time this year, still dark
unclear
no hopes for me
the dark i fear

my scars - now healed
but my heart is blue
he loves my friend

she loves him too

how silly i was, still holding on
gripped too tight
i am still
alone

patience is in love
she waited long enough
the sun moved too soon and lost the reflection
of her moon
Gods Servant found the precious stone

and i am a lost soul
no one have i found
waiting for the day
i am put in the
ground.

you smiled at me,
buried yourself in me,

I thought I knew you
ran my fingers through your hair
and breathed you in


you buried yourself in me
dug yourself under my skin

you're in my veins

burning through me like fire -
pain, but not the good kind,

I tried to like it, but it wasn't working

you vanished from my sight but
I still felt you burning through me.
heating my heart and my fingertips
in all the wrong ways


I tried to expel you - bleed you out
I cut myself open and
crimson rivers ran over my skin
yet you wouldn't leave
you are still in my veins
I have not known pain like this


I am getting there, my sweet fire
I can bleed for you in a bath
I can try to water you down.

I am constantly told that I am loud

but I think everyone is wrong,
I can only make witty replies or
defend myself when insulted.


I cannot, however:

ask for help or
speak out


the voices clutch my windpipe
and I choke and struggle
But do not utter a word,
I can't scream to be cleansed of the
dark shadows inside of me

For who would listen?