there was once a girl I used to know
she was the most beautiful girl in the world,

smiling showed off her glistening teeth
so true, so pure
it took my breath away
her happiness made her skin shine and her hair dazzle
the gold no rich man could buy

she smelled of rain, spice, mint!
you could spend hours sitting next to her

her eyes were precious gems, more
than just
sapphires, emeralds, diamonds, more than that

her heart was warm and made of solid gold
so inviting she lured every kind man towards her



there once was a girl I used to know, although
she isn't a girl anymore

frowning never showed her once pearl teeth
now stained from tobacco
her teeth were the colour of suicide
her sadness had allowed her skin to become flawed her hair greased and limped,
the trash metals no one valued

she smelled of spice and grime
nobody wanted to be near her for long

her eyes were dull, foggy, maybe
like cheap glass that needed polished, no one
would look at them

her heart, an empty cave, so hollow
any man who even dared to enter would find
nothing but a dying memory of her former self
and no one liked that

what a waste of a girl?
maybe
everyone expected more from her

I feel I am getting bad again
I am not coping

I want to die, I want to feel pain
from myself
for myself
no one else

I want to cut out my problems and
eat my worries

but, by tomorrow
when I wake up

I will be okay again

maybe, one day
if I am lucky

I will be free

but until then
I will always feel

caged, trapped

maybe, always
if things do not change

I will be a flightless bird
beautiful,
but unable to show the world

what a beautiful sight, you should have seen
the blood! should have seen the anger and bitter hot tears
and shiny metal
and swollen lips from biting as if
you're trying to shut that voice up inside you because they
speak through you through your mouth and
red lips, teeth
use your tongue and chest shout for them to go away
its not working, it never works
but you won't stop trying and you want
your veins to run hollow and to bleed yourself dry
because you feel like an empty shell
the only thing inhabiting you is
the harsh voices
but they are
unwanted and they are bad news
and you don't know if you should stand up or not
or if that will increase blood flow because you will fall over
and see white dots like
fairy kisses in your eyes and on your skin and God won't
accept you to heaven because you've been told
killing yourself is a sin
but is hell really that bad because you already feel you are there
when really your heart is still beating and your
brain is still thinking
and your arms are still bleeding and you're still shouting
at everything to
please
be quiet just for a moment
to get everything straight

but you're not allowed to leave so you're staying on Earth
and you're so used to the voices you often get mixed up
which ones are real and which ones are in my head?
a very common and almost daily question you ask
yourself and sometimes others without realising

and what is it about depression being beautiful so maybe
one more tear and one more cut will make people like you
and boys and girls are not just going to be able to fix you just by
holding the key to your heart so stop thinking
the reason you're sad is because you're used or single because
people in relationships are just as sad as you and you are still bleeding and your
heart is still beating and maybe
sweetheart it wouldn't hurt to
sit down.

such a broken little girl
cracked open her skull and
showed everyone her dreams
shame she forgot that all her friends
were monsters

silly little girl
sliced open her veins and
showed everyone what they had
done
she was controlled by a monster