I want to see you sleeping after
tick-tocking like a wind-up clock all day,
falling like a taut of rope to the bottom of
a canyon to thud down into a pensive pile,
spreading your energy out as a silent spirit
across the dry river bed, the wind of you
whipping up sediments in the vast valleys beneath.

I want to bear witness to you catching my eye
from across the room cautiously,
covering the communion in cadmium lemonade tape,
tasty and afraid of being caught at the crime scene.
I'll throw you a line and you can come up gasping,
glorious and shining in the adolescent sun,
pulling in air where water should come.

I want to watch you write that paper you're working on.

I want to spot you screaming into oblivion,
washing over wonder with waxy fingers,
grabbing at the truth like five year olds ****** fireflies
out of a fleshy, dusk-dipped night
with mothers calling out "Come inside!" in loving, eager fright.

I want your eyes to glimmer something back at me,
meeting me in the cosmos to make the moon,
Mercury slinging stardust over his shoulder,
flirting with Venus and fighting her smolder,
meteorites crashing into each other,
creating solar systems in their wake.

I want to contemplate you on a flat plane,
feeling a frenzy of agitated hands
and fluctuating heart rate,
fault lines moving crazy,
crashing through geologic time
to make earthquakes feel human.

I want to stare at you saying things
that would color me crimson in broad daylight
as we breathe out heavy to the ancient incantations
of an early umber evening.

I want to see you
without a pocket mirror attached to my wrist,
cutting into my skin,
blood purple like lavender iced tea in the summer
and veins an undulating blue.

Holding on a thin thread
I see myself walking back
Back to your eyes
How empty, how heartfelt
Pulling back now
The past is terrifying
Our past is beautiful
Too beautiful to put into words
I try to write your hands back on my skin
I beg for the air to sink in my lungs
You robbed me of the last piece of my puzzle
Give me back the good parts of me
Leave with all the doubts
you plan on leaving me with
Pack all the promises
you decided to give to someone else
Shut your mouth
Your hum still ringing in my ears
I want to draw, sketch your face on my mind
Then erase it with all our fights and silences
The aftermath of today's roller coaster feelings
Your name on my tongue,
Your words still seared in my memory
Standing here
holding your almost-gone fingertips
Letting out my last sigh
Hesitating
"You can go now."

"One day I woke up and we no longer spoke the same language.
I haven’t heard from you since."*

I tried talking, you settled with silence
Every morning I tried preparing you plates of compliments
A rose beside your bacon and eggs
(You picked it up, laughed and said you didn't want one)
I said I will still try to win you back
(Win you back. Maybe. Or steal you from him)
To remind you that mornings are worth it
(To remind you that mornings with me are better)

I tried talking, you settled with silence
I was never sure how you were able to not hear me
Screaming until my voice broke
I kneeled, watched you cover your ears
I bled, not to death but I wished I was
You watched silently with the trigger still touching your finger
And the envelope of butterflies you put in my tummy
Your last words saying, "Have to give this to someone else now."

I tried talking, you settled with silence
How can nothing beat yourself into dust
How can your closed mouth speak 672 kinds of sadness
All these with your name and mine crossed out
No more plans, no more plans

I tried talking, you settled with silence
Now you're wondering how I learned to do the same

Cold fingers walk
     the ley lines of your veins.
***** dashed across your bedsheets,
     watercolour stains leak in your eyes.
Dead lilies in a cup of coffee,
     your world upside-down in a cracked glasses lens.

Evening colours
come crooning to me in the swallows
flying by:

saucers in the sky,

as I wait for the bus

that will go and halt on the wall
in my living room.

The evening is somewhat dull now,
let me hurl a few stars
at the horizon:

I have a dozen in my purse.

All of them gifted by you,
collectibles, kissables.

My tiara princess, the hair-band
is your secret wand.

Ah, my leg, it's
stuck in Grosvenor Road.

So I hurtle back. and loop forward.

Folding memories neatly into my
back-pocket.

There's a Divergence Theorem
gone missing here, volumes
are not going sheet-smart.

I want my nj's.

I could drown in those dimples.

Resume: Jewel de Saex
Address: Lost somewhere up the hills.
                 email: me@yourownrisk.mule
                 Tel: + network not available

Summary

Hire me if: you are looking for an adventure.
Clouds, gorges, and I never disappoint, for we can cry.

Education

Bachelor, Mistress and Widower at the University of Zoya, majoring
in Life Sciences, with a minor in the applications of horseshoe magnets.

Expertise

I know them laws of attraction well +

New languages: both Silicon and Carbon-based ++

Magic, luck and fate.

Experience

For years I steered a boat
riding a rough river that
passed storms every day.

I was the rain-maker, I can
bring tears to any passing cloud
by my mere hand-gesture:
(all the dough-kneading.)

I was also the chief gardener
for Loz, whose farms at
the other end of the Earth
I visited by the switch door
in my old photo-albums each day.

Skills

Jugglery, innovative use of cutlery, reading runes, plucking prunes,
riding boats on dunes, talking by eyes, hearing by sight.

References: Not available even on request.

*NOtes:

+   Turn pages back and you always find, only one person was in love.

++ I can decipher the meanings in the lispings of cherubs and angels.
     I understand the cloud and the river, as of men in any tongue.

Our bodies traveled slowly through the field that evening
Sun falling somewhere between rest and arrival
I bent down and picked up a dandelion
You told me that as a girl wishes came true
When you believed in something deep enough
That nature would blow the truth over our lives

Then we became adults

So I wandered through the same field years later
Finding a dandelion that without a doubt
Had your name inscribed in the stem
I looked closer and found the wishes
Engraved in each seed
Spring loaded for my breathe to take them away