Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
 Jan 2018 Tanisha Jackland
Maria
Mother,
Forgive me
But I’m not happy.
I cry lots everyday
and I thought in the death
in the day i was born.

Mother,
Forgive me
But i not have proud who i am
I never asked to live
and i don’t feels nothing besides sadness.

Mother,
Forgive me
But can’t try anymore
i’m tired and i
i want close my eyes
and stop all the pain

Mother,
Forgive me
But i don’t remember when i was happy.
I look this old picture
The child smiling at the camera
and is not me!

Mother,
Forgive me
But I hurt you and i will hurt you anymore!
I never went the greatest daughter
and never i can be.

Mother,
Forgive me
But god can’t save me
i just will find the peace i want
In the death!

Mother, forgive me!
But i have to go!
Is not your fault.
You can understand me?
Please, have mercy!

Mother, i’m sorry!
Please, don’t cry for me
I don’t deserve your tears.
I will stay good
I swear, i will stay good, mother.
let me remind you:
know that i am the scream
i am the protest
i am the revolution
i am the awakening
of every black leader
every protester
every revolutionist
every poet
every writer
that has breathed and lived and paved paths
and immortalized and cut scathing with their art
that has cut swaths through rivers
that have tunneled through caves
that have smeared wet earth on their faces
that have picked through the foliage on mountains
know that i am every woman who has bled for her child
know that i am every foreign tongue that has unbound us
know that i am every unshackled and raised fist
know that i am a woman
know that i am a black woman
i am every black queen
i am not a display
i am not an object
i am not something to be coveted
you have no right to salivate over me
you have no right to stitch lust into my skin
you have no right
let me remind you:
i am a black woman
soft, wild, and free
I changed this a bit from what it was before. I ended up revising the capitalized "I" and making them all lowercase for the sake of cohesion. This is meant to be an empowering piece. It's old. At the time I wrote it I was reading Warsan Shire. Like me and so many other 1st-generation children from immigrants who are also artists or self-proclaimed or "budding," her work at some point deals with the topic of immigration, having immigrant parents, and also it deals with being a woman who is black. It deals with womanhood too.

A lot of my work is very romantic, dark, I would say cutting in some spaces. It has some macabre imagery, a lot of it is intentionally repetitious. A vast majority of it is also deeply personal. They are individual poetic narratives and I think poetry should first and foremost be about that poet's personal experience. Maybe I will write a poem that can be collectively about my race's experience, until then, what ever comes out, will come out.

This is, like Warsan's work, applicable to any other black woman. We quietly feel the need to assert and remind others of our worth, we quietly remind ourselves of our worth, we have to take part in a ******, mental, spiritual, and emotional evolution to love ourselves in a society that does not and has not historically loved us. It still doesn't.

This poem comes from that part inside of me that has felt this way. I've had partners most of whom were not of my race, most of them Caucasian, and some were fascinated with my being 1st-generation "somethingsomething" or "Caribbean."

I'm proud of my heritage and I always maintained and will maintain that. However, despite having been with accepting partners, accepting men and friends, there were some men that I felt liked me just because of my blackness or demeaned it (one did or attempted to). But this isn't just for me, it's for any woman who has felt or feels this way.

It's a reminder: you matter, you are black, you are ******* beautiful, but you are more than that outer beauty. No man can just be allowed to claim you ONLY for that.

This is my gift to every little black girl and woman
A gift from one black woman to another.
Enjoy. Xoxo.

Also, here's a link to info about Warsan Shire. I would highly recommend checking out some of her work. She's simply put, amazing.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/warsan-shire
my mother told me
you christen a home
in her island-country
you take a chicken
behead it with a sharpened knife
slit it cleanly across the neck

let blood splatter untainted
earth and burn incense
let the burning bush
stink and permeate the freshly
erected walls, seep into the wood
seep into the tiling

purify it
make it your own home
somehow
somehow
i think that's beautiful
In Jamaica, there is an uncommon spiritual practice known as "obeah." In other Afro-Caribbean islands and in Louisiana, in the states, it is referred to as "voodoo." The mysticism and pantheon of gods of old permeate the historical fabric of this ancient and frowned-upon tradition.

The methodical slaughter of a chicken and the splattering of blood on the earth is believed by some to help bless the land that the home would be built upon. The belief was that the blood would purify the soil...make it sanctified. Additionally, it was also believed that in order to purify the home one would need to burn incense. My mother, when she was recalling this tale to me of the people who still do it, mentioned that she had thought of burning incense in our as-of-yet unfinished home.  No incense was burnt. No chickens were slaughtered. It is honestly done with reverence and although the slaughtering is seen as cruel by some or would be seen that way, for an ancient custom that is still respected, one of the few still practiced by some on the islands, it is seen as...a good option. Just a little backstory on the poem's origins.

Also the purification could also denote purifying one's body. As I was writing this, I thought of how we practice certain rituals to do this. We "burn out" certain toxins and cleanse our blood of impurities. We drink detoxifying drinks, hydrate ourselves with water,  go one diets, and refrain from eating certain carbs and sugars. Some of us treat our body as a home to be cleansed. Some of us do not.

I think the juxtaposition of the image of blood, earth, the death of an animal...its sacrifice for the sake of blessing a land, a home, a family in relation to one's body is interesting. My hope is that I married the two concepts together in a way that is understandable to you and that you may find a piece of my culture to be interesting. If you don't, at least you learned something new. :D

xoxo
I will tell my daughters

always come home to yourself

your worth is not only in your body

it is in your spirit, the stardust

flecked across your skin

I will tell my sons

never become a wolf

never devour flesh

and forget a woman’s name

say her name like a prayer

cry oceans and taste saltwater on your lips

for when you break and fall

you can rebuild and stand

for that is how you both will learn to love
It just starts when they're young and they begin to imprint. Start early.
Start the right way.
awe
you touched the raised scar
      beneath my breast, sunken flesh
then said: "how pretty"
I have nothing to put here yet.
Next page