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Lady Grey Nov 2017
I wonder what I’ll blame it on this time.
       Thorns in the woods?
No… they’re too high up for that.
                  Maybe I just tripped and fell?
Nah. That’s just stupid
                            What about the cat?

                                                 That might work

They’ll have to heal and fade before I let my parents see them…
                                 I guess they’ll find out the truth sooner or later.
              I don’t want to drag them into this
I don’t want them to treat me differently…
                            I definitely don’t want to tell the therapist.

But the way things are going…

                                              May end badly...

                                             If i’m not careful.

                      Something needs to change,
        But I don’t want it to.
I don’t want to see the disappointment and fear
                              In their faces
                              In their voices

I don’t want them to treat me like i’m going to break at the slightest touch
          I don’t want them to worry about me
                                   They have enough to worry about.

                                            I just have to be careful,          
     And maybe everything will turn out ok.

                                                     I hope it will.
Lady Grey Oct 2017
All this dread and regret is getting out of hand                        
It’s staining my skin                          
Seeping through my hair        
Contaminating the walls,
The floors,  
Everything i touch                            

They go hand in hand, you know...                    
I dread things i shouldn’t give a second thought to,                      
And regret my choices later on--
I don’t know why              

It’s so **** hard                        

It’s a vicious cycle                                            
  And it’s out of control                                

My mind just won’t let me do things
That i really ought to do
Because i know i’m only going to **** it up later                    
I know                      
I know            
I can’t do it

So when it’s time to pay my dues
I prove myself right                
And sink further into the                
Suffocating cloud                                                          
Of regret.
Lady Grey Oct 2017
I think it’s the Sundays that hit me the hardest
Coming down from the high of the weekend only to realize
Oh.
Right.
I have school tomorrow.

And don’t tell me to get over myself
That I’m just
“Overflowing with hormones”
And
“School isn’t that bad,
You just feel the way you do because you’re a teenager”

I mean,
I’m sure that’s part of it,
But really
Who wants to go to a place where they feel stupid and ******,
Overwhelmed and helpless
All the ******* time

School isn’t really even about learning anymore,
The average student doesn’t retain the information,
We just cram it into our heads day after day until that glorious time of the year comes--
Summer
And then we forget

But on these tense Sunday evenings,
When i feel the weight of everyone’s crushing expectations of me,
How i should be,
What i should be doing,
What i could be doing RIGHT NOW
OVER
AND OVER
AGAIN
I just feel like going to my room to cry
Lady Grey Oct 2017
Beautiful...
              Is this music coming from my computer
As i struggle (unsuccessfully) to do my homework
And not be engulfed by the sheer radiant nature of this
          Beautiful
                     Music

It’s under my skin,
         I can feel it in my blood
                     And in my head even after i take the earbuds out
               It’s stuck up there,
                          Calming me down,
                          Slowing my thoughts,
                          My mind,
                          My heart

            Lifting my soul to a better place,
Filled with the shy and curious creatures
     That appear in my mind’s eye when i listen…

I could listen to this forever
       The overlapping melodies tease my thoughts
                 Away from the disasters of the day
                               And to more pleasing things,
                                                  The world of winking lights and soft edges

             How long have i been listening?
       I don’t know or care enough to question it too much…
It’s getting late,
                   And i should stop and go to bed…
                         But…
                                         I want to keep listening…

I could get lost in this magical place
                               I have been getting lost in this place,
              And it’s a wondrous place to explore...

        The music soothes my weary mind...
Filling me with a sense of
                                Joy...
                                And contentment…
                   A kind of feeling i hadn’t had in far too long
Lady Grey Sep 2017
The music swirls around inside my head
The vague colors and apparitions
Flickering behind my eyelids

A truly haunting melody I hear,
Whether it be sung or strummed
I am unsure

It is beautiful and eerie

A lovely sound my mind is forming,
A sort of song for my visions to dance to,
That drowns out the static of the room
In which i currently am

I’d rather listen to this other-worldly chorale
And watch my pretty dreams play out

Than listen to this droning teacher anyways.
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