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Aug 2018 · 563
Brazen Beat Boiling Blood
Lady Grey Aug 2018
Energy rushing
             Adrenaline humming
             Sweat dripping

No one on the street
Hear that beat
Pump that pedal
Feel that beat

             Air rushing
             Engine humming
             Rain dripping

Alive is the night

The music

So loud
                             Brazen beat
                             Boiling blood

Alive is the night

                      As am I
Lady Grey Jun 2018
ugh i do not have the time for this
the will for this
the decency for this
not now
im too tired
of all this *******
this sadness
the never-ending existential crisis
dont text me now
i wont answer
i dont want another spiral
into the darkness
maybe i shouldnt call it
“the darkness”
thats cliche and stupid
lets call it
“the creepy basement youve always been secretly afraid of thats inside your head”
or maybe
“the space under your bed that you just cant block or cover up no matter what you do”
thats much better
way more descriptive than
“the darkness”
but i dont want any more of that tonight
so dont be mad when i dont answer

i just
cant do it tonight
Lady Grey Jun 2018
Whimsy clouds, dark with rain
Swirling, whirling,
Filled with the pinks and blues and shades of sunset,
Do threaten the eager earth below

To spill its contents in a furious roar
To empty itself with passion
To drench the dry bones
Of many weeks

With that passion comes the lightning
The static of too much friction for far too long
That dances and crackles through the air
Filling the quiet before the storm;


The clouds are dark,
The dripping sunset no longer visible through the staccato sky
Though the yellow warning arises,
Casting the world in eerie shadow
Watching a thunderstorm on a hill is beautiful, awe-inspiring, and incredibly stupid
Apr 2018 · 297
Knots of Thoughts
Lady Grey Apr 2018
I take a knot inside my head
Out to see what’s left instead
A jumble of words
And tied-up thoughts,
But to know what’s there
Is all for naught

For only I can truly see
What the world
Could really be
In my vast imagination.

It’s a pain
It really is
To see the beauty up in there
Wrapped up in confusion’s stare
And unable to explain.

All the knots inside my brain
Will always there remain,
For I, a simple dreamer, fair
May never get the chance to share.
I can never fully put my thoughts and imaginings into perfect sense, the way that I think of and see them, so they remain jumbles of string inside my head
Apr 2018 · 242
e m p t y
Lady Grey Apr 2018
So tired
                            Of what?
I dont know
Im so e m  p      t         y
Its s
         ­                           t
                                    ­          i
                                                     ­            n
                                                               ­                                            g
Not the hard and harmful kind
Just soft and gentle
         Muffling reality
                     Blurring the edges
I can barely breathe
     Or relate
To anyone
Thats my friend down the hall
     Better look down
I dont want to talk
               Dont take it personally
Im just too tired to think
      To breathe
      To talk
I cant focus
Cant open my mouth
My hands tremble
But my eyes are hard and staring
                                                         ­    Rude.
         Im not looking at you
Im just lost in space
                        In the             e m p t y             void
sometimes everything just seems wrong, like you're the only thing that's real, you know?
Mar 2018 · 534
Ocean Break
Lady Grey Mar 2018
As the ocean breaks
And palm trees sway,
In the peaceful morning
Of a new day,

I sit and listen to the black birds’ songs
Of joy and life
That do not long
For the freedom they already have.

The birds back home sing a different tune,
They chatter and screech to fill the gloom
And damp dark chill of a winter’s noon,
(at least to me that is)

But as I sit here by the beach,
Feeling the calmness and the peace
Of this wondrous, quiet space,
I can’t help but to grin,

For to be where the people are kind,
And orchids smell sweet,
Where the air is hot,
(but a good kind of heat),

Was simply,
Over Spring break I went to Nicaragua, and, needless to say, it was incredible
Mar 2018 · 222
Can't Even Hear Myself
Lady Grey Mar 2018
“He”Martiny “Wemom lowble”like filookre,w thyoure doors,
inat wthehat i cadidn’tn dwe?”o” ravoice”in”

Layers on layers of sound

Blending together

How can anyone concentrate

In this


I can’t even hear myself think

The music in my head is stuttering

Snippets of intelligible


Mixed with other


I can’t even

Hear myself

How do they

Do this



Hey mom look what I can do
Martin lower your voice
We blew the doors, didn’t we?
Like fire, in the rain
Feb 2018 · 284
Not Ready
Lady Grey Feb 2018
Just push through it
Push through it it
It’ll be over soon

Can’t wait for the end
I’m gonna be done soon
Push through


Go back
I’m not ready
I don’t have time

Enough time

I can’t
So mucvh to do

Why does time

Do this

Slip awa y

Evaede me

I can t







Getting through the week with a **** ton of deadlines is rough
Feb 2018 · 662
Red Like Fire
Lady Grey Feb 2018
Red is rage
It’s the blood on the floor
The haze in your eyes
The words you spit through your tight face

But red is also passion
The burning fire that keeps us truly alive
The fierce desire for more
For better

The fire swirled against you
That passion was consumed by your conquest
And we burnt out
Like the blackened matches we are
Colors are often associated with emotions
Feb 2018 · 219
Lady Grey Feb 2018
“Are you tired?”                      


“How late did you stay up last night?”                                          

What they don’t realize
Is that
It doesn’t
I am so tired
Feb 2018 · 216
Lady Grey Feb 2018
Dont want to breathe
Dont want to move
Dont want to cry
Dont want to die

I dont know what i want
But its not this

This feeling of emptiness
And dead weight in my chest
In my head
In my legs

Everythings fading
My chest hurts
Should probably take a breath
It should help
But it’ll come back later
It always does

I can breathe later
Feb 2018 · 957
the worst kind of crying
Lady Grey Feb 2018
The worst kind of crying
Is when you don’t realize it’s happening
Until it’s too late to stop

The tears flowing down your cheeks
Like a river
Down your neck
Down your shirt
Until they reach your broken heart
Feb 2018 · 1.2k
I See You
Lady Grey Feb 2018
A brief flash
Of brown
And blue
I saw her
She saw me too

I didn't mean to look
To stare?

But in that moment
We were both
In err
Looking into someones eyes is both invading and being invaded. A private moment that is very... intimidating?
Feb 2018 · 760
A Lovely Moment
Lady Grey Feb 2018
Walking through a garden,
Watching all the bees,
Smelling the sweet roses,
Beneath the sighing trees

A moment,
Short and sweet,
To brighten up my day,
Though it will meet  
The brief defeat,
And simply melt away,

Into the bore and chore
Of a normal day;

Though it was a lovely moment.
Feb 2018 · 2.1k
Lady Grey Feb 2018
Some people make me think of colors

A hue for everyone
Some just ooze it
In the way they talk
And laugh
And walk

When they’re happy,
They turn brighter
And glow

When they’re sad,
They dim
And fade

But no matter their mood
Or state of mind,
Everyone paints whatever room they’re in
With their beautiful colors
Feb 2018 · 203
An Everyday Game
Lady Grey Feb 2018
Four way stops
The everyday game of chicken
Jan 2018 · 196
dead dead dead
Lady Grey Jan 2018
dead dead dead                        

don’t look at me like that
don’t pierce me with your cruel eyes            
i don’t need you to see me like this            

cornered                                                       ­     
guts clenching with the cold hard guilt      
hiding behind a plastic smile      

dead inside                  

i say to myself
over and over                      

“Everything will be alright”                                

“Everything will be fine”                                    

but i’m hurtling through the dark murk
with the blinders on          
can’t see

dead dead                                                

i see my hands

my thin wrists
though not so much as my legs
(i try to hide my pain)      

i’m jumping from dream to shining dream            
i can’t stoop to smell the roses,
though they are quite pretty                        
i can’t make myself                    

can’t take my half closed eyes off the haze
for even a second          

i know you see me like this (as much as you can tell)
and i don’t like it                                                
look elsewhere

it’s none of your business anyway        

let me keep my own company
of plastic smiles                                        
and dead eyes          

and the cold hard twist
of the dagger of guilt in my stomach
Thoughts I have sometimes
Jan 2018 · 496
Lady Grey Jan 2018
Stars are the world’s little nightlights
Gently twinkling
             In their own soft way,
Against the dark backdrop of the sky

Until you get closer.

Once you get closer to the stars,
They are much different

Swirling ***** of chaos and fire
Dancing waves of light and energy
Deadly and magnificent

Things to be admired
From afar
Jan 2018 · 211
Lady Grey Jan 2018
sometimes i feel like i should empathize more with people.
sometimes i just don't feel
what i think i should be feeling.

i don't seem to get excited anymore.
when something good happens,
i find myself thinking,
why am i not happy?

i don't know the answer, of course,
i don't know why i'm like this,
i wish i wasn't.

but here we are,
and there's nothing to be done.

no reason to mope about the change
ill just have to deal with it,
Jan 2018 · 159
Lady Grey Jan 2018
Superficial scars:
I've got loads. The deeper ones
are all internal
Jan 2018 · 431
Lacy Blue Veins
Lady Grey Jan 2018
i can see my lacy blue veins
beneath my skin

i can see them
on my eyelids
when i close one eye
and tilt my head

so delicate
and fragile
and strangely pretty
in their own way

i can see them in other places too
dripping down my wrist
running down my leg
in my elbows
and thighs

a constant reminder
of the life flowing through me,
though i may not recognize it
all of the time
Nov 2017 · 320
Summer in November
Lady Grey Nov 2017
It feels like a summer day,
But not the good kind

It’s warm outside,
And sunny, yes,
But also slow
...and dead

It’s the kind of summer’s blues
That I get towards the end
Of the break,
Before the next year of school starts

The kind
That I used to get
Before i got a job
Before, when i had nothing to do
At the end

It’s a nostalgia that i don’t like
Knowing that school is coming,
And wondering where the time went
After the good times
When my family was home
And weren’t tired
And neither was i

When i didn’t have to worry
At all
About my future,
About my friends,
About myself

I used to get bored of the freedom
That a three month break
Gave me

I got bored
Of doing…

Something that i crave now

Idly lying in the grass
And staring at the clouds

Wondering where the time has gone
A feeling I got over the weekend
Lady Grey Nov 2017
“What do you even have to worry about?”

“High school was so fun!
Why do you say you hate it?
Don’t be so dramatic.”

They tell me.
But then they go on, after they see my grades

“You’re not even trying!
Just study harder!
Oh, but you can’t take normal classes, no.
We want you to take all honors.
Honors classes are better for you.”

“You have a D in College Algebra??
That’s unacceptable.
You’re grounded.
Until you can get your score up, of course.”

Is what they tell me.
You wonder why I hate school?
It’s because it *****.
It teaches you that if you make mistakes you’re worthless.
And If you don’t get that letter up to an A you won’t get into a good college,
You won’t get a good job,
You won’t earn good money,
You won’t be able to live,
Not that (dare I say) a fourth of us even want to.

Did you know,
That the average kid in high school has the same level of anxiety
As the average insane asylum patient in the 1950’s?

It’s a ******* problem.

And don’t read an article about it,
Written by a Millennial,
Read by a Baby Boomer,
About the problems of a generation
That they don’t know.

I’m sick of it.

What do I have to worry about?

I have to worry about my future.
I have to worry about it every waking hour of my life.
I have to stress,
And agonize,
And internally SCREAM about it.

Because of how hard it is.

And I can’t “live in the present,”
Because I have no time
To do trivial things (without feeling like a failure).

I have no time,
To get the “eight hours of sleep your child needs” every night,
Because I’m doing homework,
Or crying,
Or procrastinating,
Because I know I can’t do it.
I just can’t make myself.

And I wish they’d be a little less disappointed in me,
Because It’ll never compare to how disappointed I am in myself.
The quotes are things that people (mostly my parents) have told me.
Nov 2017 · 320
Bloody Words
Lady Grey Nov 2017
Her eyes were wide
Lifeless and dark
The inky blackness of them ate up her pale face
They were all i could see...
Except for the mouth, of course

Her mouth was a ****** smear across her cheeks,
Dripping down her neck
Glittering wetly in the starlight--
There was no moon that night

No-- not that night

She stood in the rain
Hair plastered to her skull
Spewing words black and bitter
At any who dared walk past

Giggling and hacking as the blood slid down her throat and filled her lungs
Blending with the hate and sorrow in her chest

What is wrong with her

Her vicious nails scratched at her frail body,
Ripping her skin like paper

She split at the seams

The gaping holes spilling everything she once stood for
As she self destructed

And her misery consumed her.
Nov 2017 · 308
I’m (Not) Fine
Lady Grey Nov 2017
Doing homework left and right,
Ha! No, i’m not “fine”
Working my *** off all the time--
I’ve got no time!

No time for these video games
All the “kids these days are playin’”
I ain’t got the time of day
And i’m just here saying--

Why do we have to do this?
Do you understand the strain
The stress
You do daily to our brains?

You accuse us of being lazy
Selfish, stupid
You’re driving me crazy!

Don’t we deserve at least
A little (grudging) respect
Being ABLE to cope AT ALL (not all of us can...)
What more do you expect?

Do you expect us to just be “fine”
Every time you ask?
Because we’re not
Not with all these endless tasks.

It ******* ***** TO BE A TEENAGER
In this day and age
And I, at least, would appreciate it
If all these people talking trash about kids my age

Would just stop
Because we’re not “in your day” anymore
And I’m not “fine”
And school, (to be perfectly honest) is just a bore.
My class had to write a poem based on Maya Angelou's "Ain’t That Bad" at school, basically our perception of our culture, and however we interpreted it.
Nov 2017 · 232
Am I Dreaming?
Lady Grey Nov 2017
A soft brush of something--
Or lips perhaps...
Across my face

Gently reassuring
That everything will be alright…
That someone is there with me
In the darkened abyss of my room

But when I try to hold on to it,
To make sure it’s real,
The feeling fades
As fickle and fleeting as the tears escaping my eyelids
Nov 2017 · 1.3k
Lady Grey Nov 2017
I like to say “Goodnight” aloud,
Every night,
Before I go to sleep
(When I remember).

Not for myself, of course,
But for anyone,
Or anything,
That might be listening.

Not to God,
If that’s what you’re thinking,
Though I am open
To the possibility.

But rather,
To the demons of my day;
My little fears and regrets,
So that they might shut up,

And leave my dreams the **** alone.
Something I actually do, the poem was inspired by a friend's writing
Nov 2017 · 498
Stars in Her Eyes
Lady Grey Nov 2017
She’s got stars in her eyes
But not the good kind, no,
The kind she hides behind her smile
She laughs and jokes, of course,

But she’s a little off today
I can see it
It’s in the slump of her shoulders
When no one’s looking,

And the way she stares into the distance
When there’s a pause in the conversation

I wish she wouldn’t
I wish she was as happy as she says she is,
When I know she’s not

She’s got the blues today
Her parents don’t help
This morning when she got out of the car
She had to put up that wall

To make everything seem alright
When it’s really not

She’s got stars in her eyes,
But not the good kind, no,
The kind i would take away in an instant if I could
If only I could.
Something I noticed about a friend of mine
Nov 2017 · 191
Treading Carefully
Lady Grey Nov 2017
I wonder what I’ll blame it on this time.
       Thorns in the woods?
No… they’re too high up for that.
                  Maybe I just tripped and fell?
Nah. That’s just stupid
                            What about the cat?

                                                 That might work

They’ll have to heal and fade before I let my parents see them…
                                 I guess they’ll find out the truth sooner or later.
              I don’t want to drag them into this
I don’t want them to treat me differently…
                            I definitely don’t want to tell the therapist.

But the way things are going…

                                              May end badly...

                                             If i’m not careful.

                      Something needs to change,
        But I don’t want it to.
I don’t want to see the disappointment and fear
                              In their faces
                              In their voices

I don’t want them to treat me like i’m going to break at the slightest touch
          I don’t want them to worry about me
                                   They have enough to worry about.

                                            I just have to be careful,          
     And maybe everything will turn out ok.

                                                     I hope it will.
Oct 2017 · 408
This Vicious Cycle
Lady Grey Oct 2017
All this dread and regret is getting out of hand                        
It’s staining my skin                          
Seeping through my hair        
Contaminating the walls,
The floors,  
Everything i touch                            

They go hand in hand, you know...                    
I dread things i shouldn’t give a second thought to,                      
And regret my choices later on--
I don’t know why              

It’s so **** hard                        

It’s a vicious cycle                                            
  And it’s out of control                                

My mind just won’t let me do things
That i really ought to do
Because i know i’m only going to **** it up later                    
I know                      
I know            
I can’t do it

So when it’s time to pay my dues
I prove myself right                
And sink further into the                
Suffocating cloud                                                          
Of regret.
Oct 2017 · 308
Thanks, Sunday
Lady Grey Oct 2017
I think it’s the Sundays that hit me the hardest
Coming down from the high of the weekend only to realize
I have school tomorrow.

And don’t tell me to get over myself
That I’m just
“Overflowing with hormones”
“School isn’t that bad,
You just feel the way you do because you’re a teenager”

I mean,
I’m sure that’s part of it,
But really
Who wants to go to a place where they feel stupid and ******,
Overwhelmed and helpless
All the ******* time

School isn’t really even about learning anymore,
The average student doesn’t retain the information,
We just cram it into our heads day after day until that glorious time of the year comes--
And then we forget

But on these tense Sunday evenings,
When i feel the weight of everyone’s crushing expectations of me,
How i should be,
What i should be doing,
What i could be doing RIGHT NOW
I just feel like going to my room to cry
Oct 2017 · 415
Beautiful Music
Lady Grey Oct 2017
              Is this music coming from my computer
As i struggle (unsuccessfully) to do my homework
And not be engulfed by the sheer radiant nature of this

It’s under my skin,
         I can feel it in my blood
                     And in my head even after i take the earbuds out
               It’s stuck up there,
                          Calming me down,
                          Slowing my thoughts,
                          My mind,
                          My heart

            Lifting my soul to a better place,
Filled with the shy and curious creatures
     That appear in my mind’s eye when i listen…

I could listen to this forever
       The overlapping melodies tease my thoughts
                 Away from the disasters of the day
                               And to more pleasing things,
                                                  The world of winking lights and soft edges

             How long have i been listening?
       I don’t know or care enough to question it too much…
It’s getting late,
                   And i should stop and go to bed…
                                         I want to keep listening…

I could get lost in this magical place
                               I have been getting lost in this place,
              And it’s a wondrous place to explore...

        The music soothes my weary mind...
Filling me with a sense of
                                And contentment…
                   A kind of feeling i hadn’t had in far too long
Sep 2017 · 763
Falling Asleep in Class
Lady Grey Sep 2017
The music swirls around inside my head
The vague colors and apparitions
Flickering behind my eyelids

A truly haunting melody I hear,
Whether it be sung or strummed
I am unsure

It is beautiful and eerie

A lovely sound my mind is forming,
A sort of song for my visions to dance to,
That drowns out the static of the room
In which i currently am

I’d rather listen to this other-worldly chorale
And watch my pretty dreams play out

Than listen to this droning teacher anyways.
Sep 2017 · 278
Undiluted Bliss
Lady Grey Sep 2017
Undiluted bliss:
A bit of peace and quiet
Ev’ry now and then
Lady Grey Sep 2017
I wish i hadn’t thought about you
      Quite so much
             The way you listened
           And made me feel important
    And talked to me
For all the wrong reasons

When you lost interest
     In me
              For being me
Not the shell of who i used to be
    I was crushed
          And angry
              With you
              And myself
              And her

I felt i had to hurt
    For you to talk to me
               To look at me
               To be my friend
The way you used to be
         When i was broken and hurting inside

A paragraph of thought would invoke a single worded reply
                 Or two
       Because you was always busy
Busy with your school
Busy with your girlfriend
      And had no time for me,
                                    Your fixer upper friend                                                      

And when you left
        And stopped caring
                Lost interest,
                         I suppose

I was devastated
        That my anchor had left me
To be with more sunny skies
                     Rather than these howling bitter winds

So i wish i hadn’t thought about you
          Quite so much
                     The way you listened
                And made me feel important
         And talked to me
For all the wrong reasons
            After you left

I just wish i hadn’t wasted precious moments of my life
                                           Over you
Sep 2017 · 238
White Noise
Lady Grey Sep 2017
My head is filled with noise and thoughts
I’m just a daydreamer
and i just cant seem to concentrate
On anything at all

What’d he say?
Im trying to pay attention,
I really am
But its hard for me

I dont know why
I cant get around the white noise in my head
I get lost in translation so easily
I just zone out

Until they ask if im alright (of course i am)
Im just lost in space
Staring at the lovely images behind my eyes
And listening to the music in my mind

My head’s in the clouds
And i cant get down from here
For some reason
Everyone else seems fine

But when he asks
“Any questions?”
Im left wondering
What the **** he was even talking about
Sep 2017 · 227
This Fearful Love
Lady Grey Sep 2017
This fearful love is typing paragraphs of texts that never get sent
The butterflies whenever she’s near
The longing looks
The aching heart
The wet pillowcases in the night

This fearful love is a silent struggle
With myself and with her
It’s a downhill slide
When there’s no hope
Or chance of finding peace with this

Fearful love
Sep 2017 · 532
Pens to Pencils
Lady Grey Sep 2017
The gentle slide of a pen
Is far more pleasing to me
Than the metal skRITCH ScreECH
Of a mechanical pencil.

I keep and treasure my pens,
As they are each unique
And hard to replace
While pencils are a dime a dozen.

Pencils are easily lost
And I’m always in the want for more,
For better
As though they don’t fulfil their purpose to me.

I dislike the infidelity of a pencil,
The fact that anything done can be undone with a stroke from the other end
Erased, just like that.
Unlike the reality of a pen.

Once something is set in motion with a pen,
There is no going back.
Sep 2017 · 254
Hw at 1 in the morniing
Lady Grey Sep 2017
Rubbing my bleary eyes
Staring at my computer screen
Scrolling down
Scrolling back up (i couldnt remember what id just read)
Type a few words
So much to do
Back to reading
Scrolling down
Scroling back up (i couldnt remember what id just read)
So little time
Type a few words
Scrubbing my we epy eyes
So tired
Cant finish
Glaring at my computor screen
Scrlling down
Scrolling down
Scrolling back up (cant remeber what id just read)
Have to finishe
Type a few sentances
So close
Back t oreading
Scroling down
Typeing  a more sentancess
So tired
Kneading my sleapy eys
Tpe the slat sentanc

Sep 2017 · 252
Time for Sleep
Lady Grey Sep 2017
It’s so quiet
         In my room
                    In my bed
       The darkness soft and inviting

Pulling me into the gentle abyss of unknowing
           That reprieve from the hard reality
                       That is living

Not that it’s a bad thing

        But now it’s time for the lovely velvet silence
In my cramped up head
                And the darkness of my eyelids to turn to the bursting luscious color

Of a dream
Sep 2017 · 337
Lady Grey Sep 2017
I've had this crush on my best friend in my class for years
Years and years and i never told her
Why you ask?
Well, i laugh
It’s because she doesn’t like girls
The problems of being bi
Sep 2017 · 979
Lady Grey Sep 2017
I bite my cheek and pinch my arm
In a place that mom cant see

“Why are you so pissy today?”
“You’re such a drag to be around
when you act like this”
She says

I say
Instead of the retort that comes to my mind:
‘So are you on the days you’re mad,
When you’re done with everyone’s ****’

But i know that will earn me an even bigger glare
A clenching of teeth
And a good ol’ grounding

So i sit quietly brooding and fuming and say simply

sorry im not good enough for you
sorry i have feelings unlike you
sorry im

“How are you?”
Asks my good friend via text
“Pretty good hbu” i reply with vision blurred from tears
The marks i clawed into my arm still burning

“Dinner’s ready!”
Yells someone upstairs
“I’ll be up in a sec!”
I reply
Hastily pulling down my sleeve
and wiping away the messy makeup around my eyes

I think to myself
‘I hope they dont notice’

They dont
And if they do they dont mention it
For which im grateful

I dont feel like launching into a discussion that typically ends with me a blubbering mess

Anytime we have that discussion anyway

I know we need another one,
But i just cant bring myself to reveal anything
That might make them think somethings wrong with me

So for now ill just
And keep saying
sorry guys i was depressed

— The End —