Edgar: Favorites

Dec 2015 Edgar

EtherealOmega

I can still remember
The way things were so sweet and simple
Just two kids happy to be friends and share every moment

I can still remember
Us sharing our first kiss on my bed
Just the simplest kiss of two curious kids

I can still remember
The kisses the came after more and more frequent
And how every time my lips met hers they tingled

I can still remember
Falling for my best friend slowly
Her laugh and smile all I could ever want

I can still remember
All the nights spent in the basement
Curled close under covers stealing secret kisses as a movie played

...I can still remember…
When it all started to change
How the sweet and simple faded replaced with something worse

...I can still remember…
The needy kisses the parted my lips
And how her own felt like fire upon my skin

...I can still remember…
How my best friend slowly became my mistress
How my first love slowly became a sin

...I can still remember…
All the nights spent in the basement
That I came out of with rope burns on my wrists and a fear of restraint

...I can still remember…
Her fangs sinking into the skin at my shoulder
That place still stings and burns sometimes at night

...I can still remember…
Her time and time again leaving for a real boy
Only to come back crying saying I was the only one for her

...I can still remember…
The way my heart shredded itself with every parting
But still found a way to offer itself with every return

...I can still remember…
The first time I didn’t answer her call
The way my heart hurt because it wanted to hear her

...I can still remember…
Both the bad moments and the good with equal fervor
And so I still keep her picture on my wall as a reminder

Sometimes I still think about calling her again
Just to see how she’s doing
...But again I can still remember….
How my heart took her back time and time again no matter how broken
And how I used to convince myself I felt nothing at all

And now I know I can’t risk it
No matter how much I miss every single thing about her
Even the bad nights spend in the basement
...Because I can still remember...
How I would find myself tied back into the cycle
The cycle that almost took my life

I can still remember
And when the memories come knocking
I just need another escape

#friends #fear #change #teens #lovers #remembrance #cycles #abusiverelationship #transboy

Nov 2015 Edgar

Butterflies

Nov 2015 Edgar

Caitlin

Butterflies

I got butterflies with you.
When I was anticipating me seeing you.
When you showed me card tricks.
When you mentioned the ten of hearts

I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic.
But I can't have you, not now.
You have someone else.

Nov 2015 Edgar

Smile

Nov 2015 Edgar

johnangelo

Smile

I didn't wanna fall inlove
Not at all, but at some point
you smiled and I blew it

Nov 2015 Edgar

Unsend

Nov 2015 Edgar

johnangelo

Unsend

I've written you a
hundred message
that'll I'll never send
and made you poems
that I'll never show

Nov 2015 Edgar

My Biggest Regret With You.

Nov 2015 Edgar

documenting my thoughts

My Biggest Regret With You.

The one thing I regret with you is not being open enough.
I never told you how much you truly meant to me, how much your touch affected me, how much your kisses burned me.

I never told you that I had fallen for you since the beginning, when we first began talking.

I never told you how the thought of you can bring a smile to my face or send shivers down my spine.

I never told you that I had dreams of you being mine, months before we were even together.

I never told you that I had cried over you because you told me you liked her and not me.

I never told you that I was in love with you because I was scared of what you would say.

And now that I can never tell you these things, I've realised how much I really should have told you.

#love #poetry #life #regrets

Nov 2015 Edgar

Call Me Crazy

Nov 2015 Edgar

Els

Call Me Crazy

Call me crazy
But I miss you.
I miss everything we had.
It makes it hard to start new.
Call me crazy,
But I still think of things
That I could have changed
To avoid this sting.
This sting I feel in my heart
From the loss of you.
Call me crazy,
But my love for you is true.
Months have passed,
So why all of a sudden?
Now the anger is gone;
I can mask the truth with nothing.
I miss how we'd make love
And go to get food right after.
Hair a mess, Sweatpants on
Car rides filled with laughter.
When we weren't fighting,
We were amazing together.
Call me crazy,
But I still believe in our forever.
There was someone before you,
But can I even count them?
Because the passion we shared
No one could even begin to fathom.
Through all our fights,
Why would I stay?
Because you were the only one
Who could take the pain away.
Call me crazy
But even with the bad,
I'd choose to rewind time
Just to experience what we had.
I'm fully aware now
That I've gone insane.
But just to be with you
I'd take that claim.

#love #heartbreak #loss #past #crazy #trying #movingon