I am so sorry
I should have seen it
I should have called more
But I let you slip away
I was too wrapped up in my own problems
And you two seemed so happy
I just kind of stopped calling
Usually I called when I was sad
Hearing you
Made me feel better
But the emptiness came right back when the line went dead
I should have pressed harder
Secrets can be necessary
But they can also tear you apart
Like knives hitting the target of our friendship
Please stop throwing your knives
And I will stop mine
And we can patch up the holes
We left behind

I sit here
Crushed by loneliness
Wishing for conversation
Something
Because I seem to be
The only person
Who doesn't have something
To do on this
Cold Sunday afternoon
It is paradoxical
'Cause when I have
A person to talk to
I often wish for them to stop
I am not content either way
I want to walk away
From everything
But I have responsibilities
And it is too cold
So I will just sit here
and be lonely

I'm really sad.
I don't know why.
Let's go **** happy people!

(no offense happy people... sorry...)

You guys are smiling and making jokes
You tell me I should really be working
I tell you I'm too tired to work right now
I'm not tired
Well, I am, but that's not why I'm not working
I just can't breathe
I know I'm not alone, but I feel completely alone and I don't know Why I'm feeling so hollow
Make it stop. Please.
You don't notice though.
Maybe it's better that you don't.
I'll keep listening to sad music and wonder why I'm feeling so empty when nothing is even wrong
And you keep not knowing how horrible I feel
Because you have problems a lot worse than mine, for sure
I don't want to tell you, because you don't deserve to have to listen to my sadness on top of your own
And I feel selfish if I tell you
I just don't know who to talk to
And even though I'm surrounded by people
I. Feel. So. Lonely. I. Feel. Like. I. Have. Died.

I am enough**



…



aren't I?

I changed my mind.
I'm not doing it anymore.
I don't need to add anything else to everything that's drowning me.
Two weeks would be hell
And I don't think it will make me happy.
I just won't be happy period.
There's not much I can do about that.

I am not writing and doing nothing because I need a break from working, I am doing it because I am upset and I am trying really hard to escape myself.

You could be miles away
an untameable distance
impossible to reach
tomorrow or today
yet you sit two feet that way

Your could be slipping
falling of a cliff
into a darkness i can not follow
one hand dangling on the edge that is ripping
yet you stand firmly on the ground without tripping

You could be blinded
Sight blocked out by an unpenetrable veil
hiding me from you, unable to see the present,
memories forgotten as you go unreminded
yet your eyes shine, filled with confidence, decisions decided

Perhaps it is me
an impossible treck away

Perhaps it is me
slipping from the edge today

Perhaps it is me
blind folded, hidden from you

Perhaps it is me,
a small candle,  wishing to burn anew,

yet I battle for every breath to pass
as the oxygen is taken by your inferno
my speck of light, shining through miles of darkness
your blazing fire, through clear glass
snuffs out my flame, turning it to gas