Because of the past
I had become afraid to love
After all of the hurt and pain
That had come before
The walls I had built around myself
Were tall and strong
My heart was guarded
Safe from infiltration of the love kind
And I walked along through life
Imperious to affection for the longest time
One day, however
You came along
And like a thief in the night
You slipped past my barricades
And stole my heart
I was helpless to stop you
Because I was the one who let you in
Now that you are the keeper of my heart
It is your job to protect it and guard it from harm
To show it the world and what it missed
While I hid it behind walls

when was the last time
you felt someone else's warmth?
the closeness of someone's heartbeat
right next to yours?
when were you last held
by someone who cares so much?
how long since someone told you
that they love all of you?
whispered it in your ear
whilst caressing your hair?
when did you last feel
loved?
wanted?
special?
has it been so long that you
can't remember
the hope and the happiness
wrapped in someone's arms?
when was the last time you smiled
thinking of someone?
have you forgotten what it is to be loved?


i am so lonely

And those ****** songs
They'll have meaning again
And they won't remind me
Of when we were friends
And I'll make new memories
To their tune
I promise I won't think about
Me and You

Don’t love me.
Please, don’t love me.
I know myself, we’re quite close actually, and let me tell you, you don’t want to fall for her,
you don’t want that girl, I hate her.
I hate her because I know her so well and I know how horrible the truth can smell.
Don’t love me, because even I know to hate myself,
the vanity that despite this loathing I might actually believe that someone could fall for me.
Don’t love me.
Don’t love me, because I met Heartbreak once and she left me gasping for air
and I will never meet her again.
I refuse, so if you love me, please be aware that when you do,
some day I am going to leave you, battered and bruised, because
twisted self-preservation has taught me all the tricks to keep myself afloat by drowning you.
Don’t love me.
Because as much as I will love you, I’m not friends with Commitment,
and whenever I see him on the horizon I set off running in the opposing direction.
I will treat you like there will be no oxygen unless I’m holding you,
but when you’re the one reaching for my hand I’ll become the wind.
Commitment is not my friend, I said, but no one listens.
Don’t love me, because I am a tornado, a storm to chase until I’ve taken everything from you.
Don’t love me.
Someday, you will be married and happy, and I will
whirl back into your life like the hurricane that has never been named after me, and
you will believe that all your scars
and your broken heart
have healed enough that you can run with me.
But I have razors between my fingers and wedged in my teeth,
and your scabbed over heartstrings will be powerless against me.
I am an expert at running, at hurting, at ‘maybe’s.
Don’t love me.
When you ask me for something more,
I will tell you that I am not ready, because I never will be.
Chances scare me, and trusting someone so much will always be risky.
I will tell you that I am not in the right place for your Commitment,
for your future Heartbreak,
and you will tell me that you understand but you’ll stick with me,
and fire will consume everything.
Don’t love me.
I can’t even go a few years with a friendship before
burning it all for at least a few evenings, but we’ll always rebuild the
rickety ashes of the bridges we’ve passed.
Don’t love me.
I’m only saying it for your safety.

I waited forever, but there was never a "right time" to tell you.
I think I found the wrong time, however.