Utinam hic quidem me solum relinquatis et caerulei oculi penetrare cogitabant mala mihi. Crudelibus modis agit , et intuitus est angeli.

Spinning in a downward spiral
Like a sickness going viral
Bringing down the life of many
Sinking to the sea...
Screaming, crying 'help me out'
No one listens to her shout
Falling beneath the crashing waves
Of social acceptance...
She's breathing, not living
She wonders if she's worth saving
From the peer pressure from those above
To get out of the addiction to drugs...

I once was a doll, one who was broken
Assigned to scare those who waltzed into my home
I wasn't alone, but my partner has never spoken
Her figure cold, porcelain and never roamed

I was unlike other dolls, able to move, able to speak
And at times, I only wished to gain a friend who was alive
But humans as I have learned are rude and quite unique
But none wished to remain with me, I wonder why?

At one time I was as sweet as Candy
Until I let out my Cin
Started off playing games, those which I considered handy
Until they never stopped them from leaving, then I could feel my other side kicking in
She was mean, heartless should I say
And she was not one to accept people, she made them go away

Now I sit alongside my frozen friend
Waiting until I too, meet my frozen end

Anger in his eyes, his fist raised again
Where is the compasion? What is it that lacks in him?
Daddy, what happened to you? When did you change?
What caused you to grow heartless and deranged?
The days grow darker, mommy is gone.
Some days present battles that cannot be won.
The more violence I see, the more I wish to run
I want to go back to the old days, when time with daddy used to be fun
But the storm is raging, darkening the skies
The hits get worse the more the child cries
A man who used to be a guardian has lost his glow
And one day the child will escape his blow

I want to shove a bullet
Straight through my brain.
Forget all these ******* people,
I think I've gone insane.

We are left to sit and wonder,
What is life?
What is real?
And why do living things need feelings?

Well how'd you like to try pumping lead through your veins?
Or have a heart so wet and cold it starts rusting.
When the world ticks around, your voice is talking all the time.
Or live with feelings you've never felt because you cannot feel.

What is this leaking affecting my eyes?
Does the oil that is dripping, mean this is a cry?
Will I ever be something with feelings to hide?
Or am I just a boiler with nothing inside?

I want all today, don't want to hear you say
"You can't do this, you can't do that.
You're not a living thing with feelings."

Wind me up, turn the gears.
I want more today, don't want to hear you say
"I love you."

I have pent up emotions, as we all do
But I am unsure how to convey them

Self mutilation, leaves room to be mocked by those who don't understand. And leaves permanent marks that will leave shadows in your times of happiness in the future.

Self humiliation, merely makes you look like a town's fool. Nothing but a lower member of society in the eyes of those around you.

Self criticism, only opens your eyes to the details that you find to be flaws. You will become blind to your good traits....

Self destruction, the path that will lead you to suffering beyond compare, and you'll forever regret it.

So if I cannot handle these emotions in such ways, shall I bottle them up and allow them fester?
Or find an escape, an outlet, to express them.
Whether it be through poetry, or drawings.
I will find a way to portray all that's inside
Without being locked up
Or being forced to hide.

People are like roses.
We bloom in our own gardens
We each have our beautiful petals and our harsh thorns.
But we are also greedy and destroy one another.
Thinking love gives us a right to cut away each others stems.
But once a rose's stem is cut, it is only a matter of time.
Before we begin to lose our beautiful petals and we soon start to whither away.
Losing all qualities one once found admirable and killing the love in which was once there.

Soft whispers are adrift,
Stealing small children from their sweet dreams
These creatures are known to be keen and swift
Their appearance not quite as it seems.

In fact these creatures are not visible at all.
For they are much more complicated than that.
Sneaking around the shadows of the hall.
Stalking you just like a cat.

This thing in which you now read explains
These creatures called drugs that feed off our curiosities.
Feasting on our addictions until nothing remains
And they help show us abusers our insecurities.

My mind, it bleeds
Into poems that I know he reads
Cringing at my pathetic usage of the english word
Claiming my feelings to be over exaggerated and absurd
I apologize time and time again,
But yet, when everyone is away I return to my pad and pen
And once more allow my thoughts to flow
In away that helps me let all my pain go
My escape, yet my tormentor, I'm held captive by my own emotion
Turning my words into their own sick devotion

Fingers like ribbons
Wrapped elegantly over her lips
Silencing her screams and soaking up her tears
Hands do explore the body
Holding her in place as she attempts to flee
Eyes are the key to the soul, so what do mine say?
Once a soft green, now a disturbing grey
The smile of a child has turned cold and porcelain.
They strip her of her clothes and take pictures once again.
Males see her beauty, natural as they claim
But she only sees the naked body and turns away in shame.
Many have requests, she is famous now.
But not with pride, not with honor, this is different somehow.
Every single picture is as suggestive as it gets.
They aren't her, not as she seems, and not at her best.
But for that $100 every photo shoot.
She will pose just for the money, in only her little boots.

Crimson sweat seeps from my flesh onto the cold floor.

We
The
Fallen

Singe, please, melt it all away
Please grant me beauty, if just for a day
Cut deep into thine flesh, till it turns to bone
Remove all that is soft, and turn what's left to stone
Take all insecurities, please reverse thy flaws
Reveal nothing but plastic, never leave it raw
For now I sit upon my throne fattened like a cow
I would offer up thy soul, if you could change me now
This pain that wallows within is much more than skin deep
For such a hideous ugly face, had tears in which it weeps
If there is no beauty, may you set me free
From all these ******* standards in which everyone expects to see

I don't want to be awake again
I spend my days with my head in my hands
And if I go outside I'll fall apart

Sketches mean nothing, but they are my world to me
I just use it to set me free
But I could not go away if I wanted to

I can hide from friends, but my feelings are still there too
Self-depricating thoughts interrupting all the time
Emphasizing all the traits that I wish weren't mine

My outlook isn't bright so I shall close my eyes
Compulsively complaing about how the world is full of lies
I can't stand the ways that I react

I wish to make myself disappear, but I am hesitant
Convinced that my future will be better than the present
And so for today, I remain intact

I don't want to be awake again
I spend my days with my head in my hands
And if I go outside I'll fall apart

Help me please, this is no joke.
Hurry now, I beg of you.
I just need some reassurance, some advice from you guys I must say.
I am struggling really hard to make it through the days.

Often have I had these suicidal thoughts.
And wondering how to change my frame of mind to ease the pain.
For now I can't unhurt myself from this hole I've dug.
Please if you are available, leave a comment, I don't mean to bug...