I keep waking up at 4m
I don't know how, I don't know when
My life got this way
I'm constipated again
Anxiety keeps kicking in
I'm holding back the tears
I'm tired , oh dear
I don't know what I did in the past life to deserve this
Sometimes I don't wanna live
4 am, can you please tell me what's going on?
Can you please show me the meaning of this world?
Why can I just accept this cortisol?
4 am, you're being poetic but I'm not in love
So why can you just wait until my alarm goes off?

All the love in the world
I give to you
You turn your heart away
You say no to my advances
and desperate pleas
I want to find love, but love
Doesnt want to find me
It breaks my heart that you dont feel the way I do
Im soaked in tears for you
I tell myself Im worthy of it all
But not worthy of you
This is my goodbye surprise
I hope you come back
But if you dont I'll move on

And here once more ,I find myself writing all this words
Complaining all my sorrows
They never leave me ,they never borrow
Someone else's time instead of mine
People wish me luck, that I've never had
Don't wish to find placebo for it neither
I just hope for a new day to begin
I'm sick of feeling a Deja Vu that never ends
It only revives again in my heart
No matter how well It starts
It all ends back to that lonely empty part
I can't run away from it
It's always hiding in the dark
I wish I promised myself to find a way out of this
To never come back
But I keep finding myself here again,
where all this suffering began

I feel terribly wrong
The moon doesn't shine
the planets are not aligned
My stomach sinks and I can't control
my heartbeat
Overclouded and no rain
Just a bunch of flying mistakes
I can't stay still, my feet run when I sleep
Courageous, I've been called
But murmurs of weakness I hear
And I feel like death is near
where can I find peace?
Where the leaves are colored
And the sea is aqua blue and the sun's rays are sharp
This palace is my solitude
This feeling is my prison
I can't escape it nor calm it down
It's tied to my veins

My eye hurts
Just like your distance
Feeling trapped in my mind
Cant even tell you that I don't feel alright
My bad thoughts eat my good thoughts
And this headache, oh my.
When will someone love me like this?
I hide in the darkness of my room
I can't even see the moon
Perpetual feelings of loneliness
I want to feel like I belong
At least in your world
I need me to survive
Keep me close so I don't die
Maybe tomorrow, Ill feel alright
Or maybe this battle is lost , because It never begun.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?

Or is it getting surgery for when I’m older?

They say what matters it’s on the inside

But my friends only talk about breast size

And if it’s okay to wear my natural hairstyle

But they only criticize

I have flaws but if I show them, I got a problem

This need for perfection, Leaves me broken

Feeling bad for not being chosen

Because of my appeal, but some people out there

Don’t care.. Yes they do,

Everyone cares about little details like gray hair

Maybe someday I can be careless and free

And not worry about all these things..

You cheated, you lied, you mistreated,
You implied, you cared,
I believed you, I failed
I lied as well,
But I truly loved your heart
I fell in love with it at the park
when you held my hand,
And you were carved on my soul
with your whispers and your songs
You said they had my name
But all that went away,
Its so easy to say things,
But to actually do them, that's hard as hell
Your love is like a roller-coaster, you take me high
You pushed me down, without notice, without alarms
Please walk out the door, if you don't love me anymore
Or be the man you said you would, when I opened up for you.

I seem to find nothing to do under the sun
That I don’t get tired from
I try to make it fun
But a boring activity always comes
That makes me feel empty and undone
Feeling like I don’t belong in this world
If happiness is a state of mind,
Why can I just leave all these feelings behind?
They haunt me night and day
I’m craving for a new beginning.
Could be in France or Egypt
Near a mountain or a beach
And maybe find someone to teach
So I can find peace in this tiny piece of earth
Or some kind of satisfaction
And a distraction from the problems of my life
Getting away from home
So I cant get rid of this Boredom

I wish I had a son and a daughter
So I could teach him how to always care for eachother
I never had that
Felt rejected since birth
My sister grew up and stayed away from me
Now being alone is all I see
Those relationships made me unwell
But now I can do what I can and help who I can
Change is always good but the chance must be in you
Leave those worries behind
Just enjoy whoevef you have in your life

Im not looking for love,
But you don't offer me much
Your actions are just words
I feel obliged to say hello,
Even though I know we dont see eachother in quite sometime
But you're not my age,
You will never understand the worries inside my head
What I suffer from time to time,
Cause you never ask,
I know what It feels like
Been Used, and reused
Wont you please leave me now?
Cause I wont say goodbye
I dont know how
Feeling the pressure to keep alive something
That doesn't feel right

Can people let me say whatever I want?
Can I just write without any judgement on your part?
This is therapy for me
I just express what my heart wants
Its not to hear a reply or for you to give me advice
I know what my flaws are
I know I need to help myself
But can you just stop commenting your thoughts?

Going back and fourth with my  journey
Should It matter where you go?
Overthinking about the past
Clogging my future
Remember to **** those memories
Keep walking but where?
Does It matter anyways?
How you handle yourself?
What shoes you wear, the color of your hair?
This moment just passed but
I'm clinging on it with my jaws

Why Do I count the days that you ran away,
Did you know you took a piece of my heart?
Why do I remember your steps as if it was yesterday?
And years have passed away
I hated the last time, you had nothing to say
Not saying "I love you", instead "I'm doing great"
I don't understand this feeling you don't deserve
And you don't desire for me to demostrate
I don't get it but I still think about you
I know I could never be with you
But I can't help to think If she's with you
I opened up my heart and it felt like
It meant nothing and was worth nothing
Why can I just remember you like the thief
you are, instead I dream of you as the love I lost
And wanted with all my heart
Maybe, Im in love with my sorrow
with the could of's and the should of's
and never appreciate tomorrows
Maybe love is all part of a game,
We don't know we're being played until we've lost
Maybe, it was never meant to be
And I wish you never know this
that I cry for you, cause I can't forgive myself
for feeling this love that never existed in you

You make me want to Throw up
Your food is so bad I might choke and die
With Disgusting flavors and smells
Suddenly, I don't feel so well
Food is suppose to be Enjoying
Not like the one you serve, Its annoying
I cant stand thinking you could earn money
Out of the awful food you Serve.
Please, go to hell
Food is suppose to be good, not bad
Otherwise I wont buy.
Goodbye and farewell,
To your food from hell
I wont eat it never again
Please Lord..
They make the worst hamburger in the world
This gotta stop
You have to change the food
You ruined my adulthood


.

No creo en mi
No creo en nadie
Solo creo en no creer que puedo hacer
lo que quiero
No entiendes?
Yo tampoco quiero entender
Pues no tiene sentido creer
En la vida, o en algun ser
Adios, Que le vaya bien
Tampoco creo en el ayer
Espero que alguien me ayude a crecer
a vivir sin miedo , a desatar mis penas.
Siempre, siempre estas,
pero quien?
No hay nadie ahi,

I wanna cry but I can't find the tears
Its like they're lost somewhere inside me
I wanna go look for them cause I feel bad
And I believe they will help me feel less sad
For them to come and I will embrace this sorrow
I keep thinking I wan't to borrow You
To make me happy but I don't have a clue
I wish my body would release them but only
when I want them to
Cause If I make a habit of crying
I will feel like dying
I would cry about anything and everything
like a silly painting on a wall
or a beach somewhere abroad
And I don't want people to notice,
I don't want them to care
I Just want you to have that job as well
Help we cry but with tears of joy,
Cause They never come only when
I let you go.

Cuando el amor se acaba
Lo siento en mis venas
Cuando te alejas,
Me duele la hiel
Si no te sofoco , no peleo
Pero si me alejo, me rendí
Quien entiende el amor
Cada cual siente lo que siente no hay razón
No me importa las veces que me has roto el corazón
Solo se que sin tu amor
Me provocan sentimientos
Quiero pelear por ti,
Pero ya tu fuego se apago
Ahora me toca decir Adiós,
Hasta luego a este efímero amor
Sin explicación, sin perdón
No esperaba esta reacción , de conocerte
y sentir lo que siento
Espero que estés bien
Que encuentres tu mitad
La mía ya no se donde esta.

I was only 16 and I had seen you once more with your fist on my mom.
Such a macho thing to do, such a savage
With no remorse you beat her up
I had nowhere else to go, I wasnt going to hide in the closet no more
I felt that I needed to defend my mom
I said, "please stop!" But you ran towards me with rage and attacked me also.
You hit me hard but not hard enough
I still remember that day as the tears fall down from my face
I thought I had let this go
I thought I was okay since you called the next day and said what you regret
You could barely speak, your voice was broken
I forgive you ,I do
I dont know what you went through, that made this you.

I remember as a kid you suffered a lot
You pushed me away
I thought you hated my guts
You said I wasn't good enough
I felt like that for a while
Little did I know those feelings stayed with me till this age
Now, I can only accept crumbs from people that don't deserve me
Mom, I forgive you because you didn't know better
You just expressed the anger that you felt
I wanna learn how to love myself
And feel valuable again
I know you've changed
I know you want the best for me
I need to let the past go and this is the reason I write you this poem

I forgive you for growing up and leaving me behind
For being so cool you dont wanna hang out
I want you to forgive me too for the times I've let you down
All the shows and the drunken times
You have this bad memory cause you wanna forget all the abuse you experienced as a child
The only reason you were born was to be my friend
I asked for a sister, I was all alone
I know we don't see eye to eye
But I wish you'd call me to say hi
Not because you need me like the other guy
I feel used sometimes
But I forgive you once more and remember you're not alone
I went through the same things you did
I have the same struggles, my dear.

Should I run or should I hide?
I don't know about my life
North or south
I have no option but to choose one
But don't know which turnpike
Which montain, sea or river must be..
I've chosen the dark
The cold, the lost
The place that has never been found
It doesn't exist, It isn't a place but a state of mind
Maybe I'ts a planet of some kind
I keep searching for what?
There comes a time for each of us, were one feels alone
It wont go away, It stays with you till the end.

Destiny is a *****
She comes and gives you a high and then says goodbye
She gives you the time of your life
But then you realize It was just a lie
Makes you find what you’re looking for
But leaves you wanting for more
Her timing *****.
Even though the memories were great
You wonder if they’ll ever happen again
I don’t know if it’s all worth it to see you
And leave you
To have this feeling, to feel like I’m living
If I cant have you, if you don’t want to
But we’ll never know
Until she decides that is time for us to reunite

Dias en que no quiero escribir, no quiero pensar, no quiero vivir
Lo dificil es planear tu vida y que eso no llegue a ocurrir
Perder el control de ella
Quiero vivir a mi manera, imagino lo que quiera
Y que ganamos con esto? cumplir lo que queremos?
A veces todo es tan complejo.. Siempre me quejo
Si bailamos , reimos ,y lloramos ?
Cuando nada te da satisfación, y todo se vuelve monótono
Nacer de nuevo seria la solución?
Gente viene y va, solo quedan los momentos y la edad.
Pienso en el amor y si es una falsedad?
Porque sentirse tan vacio cuando alguno no esta?
Como hacer que te vuelva la bondad? la caridad ? la hermandad?
Si sólo el egoismo reina en nuestra sociedad.
Sonar cliche debe ser un delito, pero está tan arraigado en nosotros
que nos vuelve adictos al sin fin de comunes que vivimos..

You erased me
You threw me out like a dog
But you carried me before,
You made promises not long ago
Nothing lasts not even my smile
You blew me off and didn't explain why
I Just got a headache but no, I won't cry
You don't deserve my tears
Cause you never tried to conquer my heart
You shut the door so fast
My heavy heart became so cold
You didn't come, and you didn't go
Now, all that's left is for me to let go

Esta distancia me deja una marca
Una herida punzante
Y los meses pasan y el amor florece
Y mi cuerpo te pide a voces
No se como olvidarte si mi hobby es recordarte
Me siento como una niña tonta
Deseando que vuelvas pero a donde?
Tener miedo de encontrarte
Estoy de amarte es lo mas grande
Espero perdondarme
Por dejarte entrar tan adentro
Por permitirte tomar de mi pelo
Todo el dia lloro y me desvelo
Y creo superarte
Cuando llega un recuerdo vuelvo a llorarte
No espero cambiarte ni me trates como antes
Solo espero algun dia de mi mente borrarte

If you don't stay, know that I won't look your way
If you decide to leave, even if it tears me apart
I will believe again in someone else
If you let me go, I'll understand but I won't hold on
I'll erase you and replace you
If you think I'll run after you forget it, I wont chase you
If you find someone new, just remember I'll do that too
If later you come knocking at my door, you'll find an empty house and floors
If you come back, please take a few steps back and follow your other track
If you never leave me, We'll always stay together
even after hard weather
Ill always love you, Ill always be true
I'll show you what I can do for you
If you fight for me, I'll fight back for the only one
who showed me how to stick around.

I'm confused
I can't let you in
There's a small space just for me to fit in
You can't come in
My heart's too big
What if I can't see, breath or feel?
Can you carry the weight?
Sure thing, you say.
I don't believe you just yet
There's someone else
Someone that doesn't exist
But I hang on to them
Like a life jacket on a crashing plane
Like a memory on a dying soul
Please Don't go
Cause I am broken
I just don't know how this goes
Ive never been an expert on love
You should Stay, If you care but if you dont
Please Stay away, cause Im hollow
And all this won't just dissapear
As the time goes.

Right now anything makes sense more than this
The leaves on our trees have lost their color
I don't feel the need for life anymore
All I feel is emptiness inside a tunnel of never ending sorrow
You should have never walked inside my house
Now, I cant keep you out
Your spirits haunt me down
I keep feeling like I need to keep you away
And I just don't know how to make you stay
You're such an important piece of my puzzle
All I want is to forget you ever happened
And forget about this pain you caused me
I cant understand you but I cant stop loving you
Someday when It all ends, I hope all I feel is sanity
I'm afraid of that , feeling okay cause I've felt bad
for so long, maybe I don't know what It feels to feel safe

I wake up to fall asleep
In a dream that I don't get to live
In A life, I wish I could sleep in
I work to live but I live at work
And That's my curse.
It consumes my energy , my life,
My soul
I hate coming home, always tired as ****
Not wanting to do anything at all
I wanna quit my job,
But I don't wanna be unemployed
God knows If I could
I'd do nothing at all

I wanna **** myself maybe
For letting fear become my pride
For not cherishing every moment Im alive
I get upset with me maybe,
For not letting go of the past
For holding on to your memories
And to your goodbyes
I want to flee far from here
To a place I feel comfortable to be myself
Cause Everyday I feel my body decomposing
Cause I dont live up to my expectations
Its killing me inside
Like that time you didn't hold me when I cried.

Ghost Boys,

Always leaving us behind..
Roaming around,
Scaring you off then rewind

Ghost Boys

No one sees them , but they're there
With their translucent light
They always come at night

Ghost Boys,

Fear them not,
Push them away..
Or else the'll stay and never leave
Always on your Mind

Ghost Boys,

They hide in your bed, and in your car
WIthout any notice ..they come back
Making you believe in them.
But remember...
They're just a bunch of ghosts

I remember you since my youth
I never thought you'll give me the blues
I always thought you had a plan
But It never became into something
Are you still in my heart?
Cause All I hear is Tan,Tan,Tan
So much pressure you made me feel
About **** that wasn't real, no big deal
I still don't get heaven or hell
I just wanna feel well
About my life and the future
I just want that peace you say you give
And I don't wanna go to church
Cause people don't care much
About none but themselves
They only dust their shelves
It isn't like the community back in the days
Were everyone shared
Now its just a club,
And they never give up
Insisting on you to go,
But I wanna stay home or sleep
On my day off
Which is Sunday,
No fun-day.

A sweet memory is all that's left
Of All those moments we spent
There won't be new memories
Cause You left It all to chance,
Never committing to our bond
Never thinking you did wrong
I won't wait for you no more
I'm tired of making sense
Of an image in my head
Thinking we were endless
Waiting for you to change
But you're always inside my head
And you never leave that way
Always thinking about when we meet again
And then you left with no goodbye
And I knew I was wrong
For letting you inside for too long
Goodbye memoir.

Is happiness a state of mind? It's hard to find
Open yourself to the trees of life
The earth is here at your sight
Welcome peace and be alive
You only need yourself this time
It's you, who you've been looking for
Please raise your voice while you sing that song
Forget about your blues
Today is what you have
Overthinking, my ***
Learn to enjoy what you have

No matter what I do to make you happy
You always make me feel ******
Even when It isnt my job to make you feel safe
I wish I wasn't born faithless
Maybe I learned that from you as well
It's like you want others to be just like you
Not caring about what they really wanna do
Maybe when you're old you've realize what you've done
But now, you still think you're the only one
who's right at all

I want to write about joy
I want to remember how I felt weeks ago
I want to be thankful
But why does this feel so painful?
Why cant I see rainbows?
Life is so beautiful but we always focus on the pitiful
My heart and my soul feel alone
But I wanna find peace on my own
Not thinking about what Im lacking
Or comparing myself with the masses
I wanna call happy my home
I want to leave these anxious thoughts
And start meditating more
And exercise a bunch
Today I cried but tomorrow I want to kiss the sky

Hate my life
Been stuck for years
In a place I don't belong
Never done anything of worth
To afraid to let go
Helping people
Never got me an award
Hate my job.
Hate myself for not taking a chance
For not leaving this place
For staying close to what
I hate the most
That made me into something
I don't even know
Hate the *******
Hate this feelings
Hate the lungs that I
breath in
Hate my world
Stuck in the past
Love lost
Where are you God?

Heartbeat doesn't skip a beat
Remember I'm trying my best to not carry the weight
Don't think I don't care about your health
Please don't beat like the speed of light
I just wanna hide these feelings inside
I've been looking for help
Don't know what else to do
But please go back to your normal rhythm
I can't take it if you are not okay
I'll try to be calm and handle my thoughts
Ill the exercises like my doctor said
Please don't accelerate
This is not a race
I'm not in danger
I'm just stressed.

There's something about Him
Don't know what It is
It makes me daydream about times that
never exist
And He's not around
He'll never come to my house
But I wish to be born at that time
We shared fresh air
Goodbye , So long..
Hope you're In good place
You're Better off

I once wrote a millions songs about you
I stopped
I thought if I did I will erase you from my memory
I havent forgotten you
But not in a good way
The way you left and I crumbled away
I will always regret
Letting you in and feeling sorry for the way you were hurt cause you didnt care that I was hurting as well
I treated you like I never have anybody else
And still you chosed to walk away
Leave your ring behind
You said you'd come back to get it
That was september 2023
We never spoke again
You never reached out
You left me broken
You left me like you never cared
And that hurt like hell
I was selfless, I cared
I gave you everything I had
And still that wasnt enough for you
Now. I cant open up
I want to be alone
And now I understand
The person who hurt you did no wrong

I feel like I fail all the time in life
My relationships dont work
My agenda wont get full
I am just a joke

I wanna be with you but you're hard to reach
Its like you have so many things you wanna teach
And when I come closer to you
You push me away and never ask me to stay
I keep waiting for you to change
But you don't love me anyway
I was scared cause you were so great
But Its seems like I won't get you
And maybe I pushed you away everyday
But only cause I like you and I wanted to
spend time with you
But maybe someday I'll meet someone
Who won't run away , Even if I loved you instead.

I was happy
I was stable
I met someone who made me laugh
And I woke up
None of it was true
Im all alone
No one to hold
No one to carry my burdens for me
I tried carrying yours because I know what It feels like to carry them on your own
Reality sets in
Im afraid
I wont get to see my dreams come true
It doesnt matter what you do you wont get the same in return
Someone will always take your place
You're not special
Your house doesnt feel like a home
Each day you question your worth
Am I good enough? Am I worthy of love?
I cant carry on living
I might as well just shut down
Time flies
My worries dont
They stay with me until I cry myself to sleep
Heaven is a place I dont belong

Im not a good gal
I want what I cant have
I lust after that
There's nothing I want more than to see you again
I know Im not yours but I wish I were
My heart doesn't care about what you did last month or a year ago
My mind only knows that this needs to stop
But I cant say no
I cant walk away
I'm so addicted like a ****** on *******
And I hate myself for this
I wish I was stronger and true
But Im just a beggar like you

I kick you out of my world
And you stay
You introduce me to yours
Signs you show that are telling me to go
Run away because you don't want me here with you
Push and pull
Sick-cycle carousel
Wonderful days and ****** nights
Leaving me perplexed
What is it that you want?
Is it someone new, is it to destroy me too?
I've been broken before thats for sure
I dont break that easily , I dont come undone
Battle after battle I've won.
You won't destroy me , you won't
I got better plans for the world
I wont let anybody tell me that I'm wrong
My heart is one, its a whole
I just realize that I'm better off alone.

I shout out to the mountains that I long to see you
You're out there by the river with your headphones
I bring you gifts but they get lost in the mail
I cry out for you, but you never come
I miss you, I miss you, but you dont miss me
You don't want me,
I hate it, I hate it, Are you telling me to go?
Why arent you honest like before?
I think about you every moment
But is it worth it?
You tell me you want to see me and then push me away
Are you playing games?
And if you are can you tell me which game it is , so I can
play it too?
I dont play games but Ill do it for you.