Wondering through the ether of my heart lines,
messy, smoldering smoke ribbons
leading me to everywhere and tethered nowhere.
Love is a woven mess;
a nest of all the discarded twigs and leaves
still, the hollow is so warm and soft.
If only this, if only that,
nothing will stop the ache when it all comes back.
Flashing like gold glints streaking through consciousness
I was hoping I would forget about you
but I keep picking up the twigs.

The day I left you,
I didn't want to drive away.
Part of you was still mine,
And I realize now that it was your heart.
That seems irrelevant now.
Threats are not the way to win me back.
Neither are love letters.
Phone calls.
It is over.
I was so in love with you.
You ****** that up.
I was protecting you, and you repay me with this.
I admit I wanted you back.
Not now.
Maybe one day, that boy with the big brown eyes,
The one I see standing at the alter when I close my eyes,
Maybe one day he will help me get over this hell you put me through.
Love me.
Unlike you.
Maybe I've never met him,
Maybe I have.
I see him though.
We will be happy.
And as for you,
I hope you realize I did everything I could to help you,
I left when I didn't want to.
You chose to break me.
Your mistake.
I'm moving on.
To find my brown eyes,
And wash away your big blues.

12/18/2014

Subartic winds howling down tunnel wind slleys
sounding a lot, you know, like us.
Smoke plums would climn up past our
cupid's bows reaching fo the reaches of dark matter
"oh don't worry about me"'s
under the sweet toffee light of the cannery
black haired boys would smile and we'd
spit back more crass
the light shining down on our columellas
and the trefoils of menthol ginger history now-
a boy would take out his lighter
and somewhere behind us in the back of town
we'd hear the ghost of a christmas Mel Torme song
on the terrace of a good cafe.

I hate time zones.

You have a way of making me feel
like the world around me is crashing down.
One minute, I'm at the top of the world
but the next, I'm completely nothing;
a spec of dirt in a garden of roses.
Somehow you can control my every thought,
every emotion
and every action.
It's like I would do anything to keep you
but you'd do anything to get the hell away
from me.