All day I've been imagining an alternate universe, where half of the people in the world are never hurt. They can trip and fall, or touch a hot stove, and they never feel it.
The other half feel twice as much. They are linked to one of the others, and whenever they trip and fall, this person feels it. They stub their toe, and this guy feels the pain.
It's an interesting thought. How many people would just assume they were invincible, and blindly walk through life not knowing or caring? I think some people would be extremely careful, so as not to hurt their partner, but others who like pain would do the opposite.
What if your partner was a starving child in Africa? They felt invincible, but you felt their pain. Who wants to bet that poverty and disease would be gone in five years?
It's leveling the playing field, to an extent. If a rich guy feels the pain of a starving child, or the snow on a homeless person's skin, don't you think he'd help, even if it was for selfish reasons?
I don't think the world would do well if this was how it worked. There would always be people that hurt themselves on purpose just to hurt others, or the people who commit suicide, and two people die. But wouldn't it be an interesting experiment?

Last night, I thought that what I was feeling was intense relaxation
I spoke slowly, thoughts were languishing like a cat in the sun
My muscles just wanted to relax
My breathing was slow
Yet I didn't want to sleep

I wasn't sad or happy, really
I wasn't jealous or upset
Not sure what happened

It lasted hours
Until I went to sleep really

But I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes
And I'm just as slow and relaxed
Yet I've been crying off and on all morning
and I don't know why

I don't think it was relaxation
I think it might have been despair

I think most people associate creative people, especially writers
with the middle of the night.
Getting a great idea at 1AM and working until 7AM
and a masterpiece is made

I'm not like that.
I tend to get ideas at about 2 in the afternoon.

I have a great idea for my friends birthday.
That's a great outfit to wear to Fridays dance!
Hmm....that could be an amazing book...
What if everyone in the whole world did this?
Oh! I could totally make money doing that!

These things happen at 2 in the afternoon.

writing is hard
some days I can sit and pour words out of my mouth
i can write for hours and hours
thousands and thousands of words
but other days the words just don't come

There aren't any words to say today
nothing important is happening
no intense feelings to describe
not even apathy
just boring
old
regular
stuff

I really like food.
When I'm sad, I eat.
When I'm happy, I eat.
When I'm lonely, I eat a lot.
When I'm bored, I eat.

Too bad I can't cook

I go to a coffee shop to study
when I really want to get **** done
because it's less lonely to have people around

it's easier to focus when
there's background noise
of actual people

sometimes my friends randomly show up
and it's a great distraction
of course
it's also a reminder of how they wouldn't
come see me
unless it was happenstance here
but oh well

meh
I'm finished studying for the day
but still I'm lingering here
because I don't want to go home yet
and my coffee isn't empty yet

Did you know that being home alone is the leading cause of
my loneliness?

Let me explain

at first, the silence is deafening
so you turn on the TV
or some music
and that helps

later on, the music starts seeming depressing
the songs about people are mocking you
the songs about love are arrows piercing your skin
the songs about anything else are few and far between
so you turn it off

so you make your own noise
you open and close every door
just to hear the sound
you drum on pots and pans and whatever's nearby
to see what the difference between
a refrigerator door and freezer door is

then you start talking
telling the coffee maker to hurry up
or getting mad at the milk jug for spilling on the counter

then you start spewing nonsense like
do deer have feelings, or are they just sad?
a whole conversation with yourself about nothing
gibberish

then rock bottom.

calling your mom even though you know she won't answer
so you have a guarantee that she'll call back
and someone will talk to you today
you text someone with a broken phone
or rather, you open your phone to a picture message
of your friend with someone else
even though you asked them to hang out earlier
but then again, maybe they didn't get it
you tell yourself
their phone is broken, after all
but then again, they seem to get everyone else's

you make way too much food
just so you can eat until you feel sick
because
WHAT THE HELL ELSE IS THERE TO DO

After a while,
I usually end up wandering around the house
yelling "****" until I feel better
my throat is hoarse