Closing your eyes
While feeling your skin burn
You've come to despise
The lessons you can't learn

Silently sinking
Through an infinite space
Closing your eyes
As you come face to face

With the water that drowns you
Seeps through your hair
Open your eyes
And you breathe it like air

they say
life's a rollercoaster
and it has it's ups and downs

but something is wrong with mine
it just keeps speeding
down
and down
always gaining speed
so i can't see what's around me
the faster it goes
the more feeling i lose
and everything is blurred
ive given up on trying to stop it
now i'm just waiting for it to crash

my mother always told me
i was a different kind of smart
the street kind
the deep kind
that saw the world as art

understanding
and perceptive
sharp and young and bold
determined
and protective
never doing what they're told

a wild spirit
an intellect
with too many modest bones
a beautiful
magnificent gem
hidden beneath stones

They say it's better for your health
To always be kind
To go through the day at a steady pace
And regulate your emotions

They say slow and steady wins the race
But they're just going through the motions
Running into oceans...
Drinking deadly potions...

High highs and low lows
My life never flows, never slows, sometimes blows
I'll never know
I'll always care

Like the turtle and the hare
It never seemed quite fair
That the fastest of us fall behind

I wish it could all rewind

A perspective that sticks is hard to find

i lied awake
in bed all night
and scratched my skin
until daylight

if i could just
pry open my chest
til my soul was free
and i could rest

then i would finally be able to sleep
with my spirit afoot
with it's own two feet

leave my limp being
for the morning to find
and let my soul
run free with it's kind

sadness has always been here
hiding somewhere down under
rooted deep within my ribcage
which cracked from all the thunder  

i felt it there when i was small
but didnt know what it meant
i never guessed
it'd turn into something
I'd so much resent

once the bones were broken
there was no holding back
the sadness came right through me
and waited to attack

it'd linger here
and linger there
always messing with my brain;
it made me anxious
made me scared
this sharp
conclusive pain

it told me this was the end
and there was nothing i could do
it fought my once so bright ambition
and turned it
shades
of blue

despite my tear-filled trouble
i try to flash a smile
and hope that when i get there
i'll stay there for a while

regret and sorrow fill my veins
my hands begin to shake
i look inside my blood shot eyes
my heart begins to ache

i don't know who is in the mirror
it surely can't be me
soon the image starts the blur
i can no longer see

now the tears keep falling
and they won't ever quit
so i stare into a strangers eyes
before i give the hit

now my mirror is shattered
but it matches my heart
i look down at the broken glass
and see some kind of art

i crawled up into my bed
and held my ****** fist
and thought of everything i hate
i made a whole long list

now here i lay
alone and sad
not really knowing why i'm here

and before i sleep
i feel it fall
one last
single
tear

A rush of blood to the head
The excitement of dread
Why
Do we yearn for the reasons we bled?

To be free from reality
Can't see your mortality
It's no surprise
The devil loves hospitality

Desperate eyes watch him slide through the door
Invite him in for reasons you choose to ignore
Let him tear up the carpet
The curtains
The floor

That was the last time

Every time
You swore

p i t t e r
               p a t t e r
                               f
                             a
                           l
                         l
                      s
the rain

drowning away all my pain

blurry music
fading smile

aching wrists
and blood stained tile

Will I be easier to love if there is less of me?

Paradoxical
Like this summer depression
My journal entries sound more like Confession
Than the answers to any philosophical question

All the same fears and tears
These past few years

How do I know my life wasn't left on repeat
Or pause
Living the effects so what's the cause?