It has been ten dreamlike days,
And nine sleepless nights,
Since I found my father,
So still, his eyes void of light.

Even when my head is foggy,
Whether it be ***** or dope this time,
I find I cannot sleep,
I see you lying there behind my eyes.

Dad I just want to die,
It hurts so ******* much,
And no one understands,
Even the most potent narcotics cannot heal me.

They all expect me to be fine,
But it's been so long since I knew what that word meant.
Now with you gone I'm afraid,
Mom might have to bury me next.

I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep,
Like you did that night all alone.
I wish I'd found you sooner,
I wish I had ******* known.

I know I can't go any time soon,
I promised I'd take care of Elijah.
He's so young he doesn't understand,
Lucky him, he's not the one forced to be a man.

Can't you just come back,
And hug me one last time,
Dad I know I promised,
But there's no way Ill be ******* fine.

The day we laid my father to rest,
I was so ****** up I couldn't move,
Let alone see straight.
You name it, I was on it that day.

The moment my girl told me we had to go,
I stood on shaky legs,
Shook my head and put on the face,
Of the man my family needed me to be.

I drove to the funeral home,
A city away,
Dressed to impress and drugged to carelessness.

I was so ****** up that night,
That I nodded out with my eyes open,
While the priest who married my parents,
Gave the eulogy.

It's a good thing I was so ****** up,
So that I didn't rip that ******* priest apart,
When he told me it was a holy experience,
To find my father dead like that.

What's so holy about it father?
The fact that I need to be so medicated that I pass out,
In order to sleep at night?

Or the fact that I could care less,
If I dosed a little too much,
Every time I push the plunger down?

Tell me, what is so holy about it, priest,
The fact that my father wasn't even twice my age,
Or that I'll be dead before I reach his?

embedded in the most tenebrous corner of my mind,
harlequin memories of serendipity,
dripping like bittersweet wine,
tantalize me,
begriming what was once an unsoiled canvas.

engulfed in my despondency,
I repose homely
until my mind's taste-buds
savor the saccharine flavors
of its own derisive thoughts.

aroused to say the least,
my mind's libido is now being satisfied.
I lie here,
welcoming all that my thoughts and epiphanies have to offer.
I am unable to disclose what's bestowed to me
but that's irrelevant.

My mind is here...
and open
and anticipating
the pleasing rush
of these thoughts that venture through my head.

The pleasure is overwhelming,
forcing my chakras open
as my ajna awakens from its long slumber.

I crave this foreplay
and I plead with the universe
to make it never-ending
but it seems my cries fall upon deaf ears
and I'm left open-minded
and unfinished.

i write this for all those who have lost themselves in the pursuit of making someone else happy.  WHY, why do you lose yourselves? Was it worth it? Did you find what you hoped to find?  Or in the end is he happy and you, your alone at 2 AM in the morning, trying to find something, someone to bring you some semblance of love and happiness.

I lost her..and her..and H.E.R.
I found myself swirled in a whirlpool of bad news  as  they consumed my light..
As they consumed my life
I resided to a some place between another's thighs,just to complement my highs and Damu shot eyes.
Rose like a flower on high tide,
I guess it was high time I realised the lies of reality.
The push and pulls of forbidden fantasies,
the sudden abortion of dreams when my heart was dropped to the ground and broke in slow motion,
the pieces of what she..she and S.H.E meant to me..until another comes and inglutinates those broken pieces.


The saviour who came and cast away my demons,
and she was not Jesus,
but his mother.