guilt,
i invited him in for coffee and tea
he lives in my house
so i might as well try
to understand the reason why
he's never been a friend to me
but pays the rent on time.

as a child,
i didn't know
i was lonely
but now,
as a woman
sitting in a
quiet room,
i am reminded of
all the monsters
my mind created
to distract me
when i was
all alone

i always found it easier to blame myself
responsible for your feelings
incapable of handling my own
i felt so much wiser when things were unknown
now I stand in the future and now I stand in the future and now I stand in the future
but im still the same age
im still the same
12 with that look on my face
14 with a secret to trace
16 with the weight of the world
18 with so much to conquer
20 with nothing to do
20 with nothing to prove
20 with nothing to lose
maybe the cycle stops when I do
but this time, blame yourself.

Mother hold me tighter,
I feel a bit cold
I wish you’d look at me longer
So you’d see the gold in my deep brown eyes
Stroke my hair and sing me to sleep
So I can be the child that I never got to be
If you held my hand,
Maybe I would feel less lonely
And if you kissed me I would feel less broken
Is it too much to ask for a tender word?
A loving touch?
A knowing nod?
I want advice only a mother would know
Teach me your ways
Share your gifts
Give me things other than clothes
Spend a few hours by my side
Hear my laugh, see me smile
Maybe then I could confide in my mother
My only mother
My dearest mother