scared because i
know the
truth.

do you ever feel worthless?
everyone has a bad day every now and again, that's perfectly normal. but it's the days where you can somehow feel everyone around you constantly judging you. in complete silence. supposedly without you knowing.
but you know.
you know their silence just as well as their voices.
the comparisons they make of you, to your peers. your closest friends. your family.
the "perfect" ones.
and then there's you.
you alone, standing right in front of everyone, waiting for a reason to continue the short yet steady inhales and exhales of oxygen into your lungs.
you haven't found it yet.
the people standing in front of you are waiting for you to find that reason for yourself. it's expected of you to know exactly why you're placed on this planet when you're in high school, sometimes even before that. with no help from anyone at all.  
it's a bit difficult to figure out exactly who you currently are, who you want to be, who you could be, who you should be, but most importantly who you will be, when there is nobody to light your lantern through the cave you have to trudge through to get there.
in addition to that, as the one being judged, it's just as terrible to have to sit there and take it like absolutely nothing is wrong.  to stand in front of these ******* and continue inhaling and exhaling like you suddenly have some sort of purpose to continue to do so.  making it appear as if their criticisms and comparisons don't make you want to down that bottle of pills you have laying under your bed.
continue putting on the front that you are just fine, that there isn't a raging crater of fiery anxiety in the pit of your stomach where normally nothing except complete emptiness sits.
extinguishing the fire inside of you is easier said than done.
and most of the time, it's a lot easier to let yourself become engulfed in flames.

The smell of forest lives in the tangles
of her hair. She smells of thrift store candles.
I can taste strawberry jam on her lips
her low rise jeans hang too loose on her hips

She wraps herself around my existence
and sways me back and forth in dance
Counting the freckles on each of her fingers
she leaves her lips on mine and lingers

She smells of a burnt sun
Her skin’s golden when her shirt’s undone
When she sleeps I listen to her heart
and silently remember, she’s just a piece of art

Tick tick
I hear your teeth click
time's going
and gone too soon

Ballerina tip
embittered lip
Degenerating mentality
rippling morality

Love tipping
fraying and ripping
asking quietly,
"did you Ever love me?"

Like me in the morning
Holdin’ on to the phone
while the message’s recording  
Just so I don’t feel so alone

It’s you silent and fuming
about a fight I lost last week
Late night questioning, assuming
nothing I want to say I can speak

I want more of you
but I tell you I need to be apart.
I hold you to another view
but never let you see the art.

So I’m drunk on a Sunday night
in a shroud of darkness, color hidden
Trying not to start another fight
Sometimes I wish we didn’t

But I wake up in bed
to that freckle on your lip
and rise like a doughy bread
only to fall back into love’s trip