stick thin,

i want to be envied by girls
not the envious.

stick thin,

i want to see my ribs bulge out of my skin.

stick thin,

i want my wrist to be as small as 7 year olds.

stick thin,

i want to be as small as my self esteem.

I crawled for loved
I crawled for people to stay back
I crawled for food to share
I crawled for things to bear
I crawled for hope in life
I crawled for smiles and care

Now no more crawling back
Let me get back and be within me
And help the ones who still crawls
To be cared and loved.

I remember the evening
that we sat clinging
to paper cups
of coffee gone cold

over secrets spilled and memories told
two bodies cursed
with hearts grown old

behind your eyes
I found new worlds
A winding road stretched out for miles
to a small cafe at the end of the isle

Sweet pastries filled the mouths
of those who sat beside us
and stayed for a while.

How the hours went by,
people just passing through
The descending sun ending
a forever with you.

Why did you let it carry on so long,
knowing it was the corrupted wrong
                                                     of love.
Not was meant to be shown the way
it collected on a pillow of white sorrows.

What should of happened!!!
      Grabbing that toy next to you,
jagged part lunged into  a jugular
  of his regret. No sorrow only his
flooding over me..  
                            and I smile its over.

But in reality I took the beating of his
                                 inconsistent rage....
If words were weapons I'd have given
                  him two hollow points to the chest.

But I was young, innocent for so long...
                  Trauma buried till tracks bled my pain.
            Misunderstood stones swallowed in a pool
                            that I wanted to drown silently in.


I awoke years later knowing I wasn't the
                            tool of his anger, just a vessel
                                                to put pain upon.
Sorrow made me stronger than even I knew.

More than yesterday, Im stronger not weaker
than when I was innocent. I hold no jest..
The past is a reflection and mine shines brighter.