at last she lays  still
how frigid and stiff she may be
I can never find a way to touch her
I still cannot escape the curves
You fill me  in  the middle of
a lonesome afternoon
From the shadows
rising to find my wounds
Against the rough embrace of heaven
flows my  nightmares
How my fighting spirit will endure them all!
This is a time when
All I love  wants to devour me.

The wizen winds whispered
Let him go
So you can grow
Let your roots settle as they may
Or tare up the earth so
You can stray to find a new way

So slowly she seized upon the pain
Clawed at the ground
Hands bloodied and bruised
Nails push backed to the point
Of unbearable pain
She ripped her roots
Out of the earth
Ready to move on

And he came back
With just a glimmer up hope
She replanted her seed
Bent down on her knees
Begging him please
Promising she would change
Contorting herself to his demands
While he stayed the same
What a shame
She was a lovely tree
Free as the wind
And ready to be
Something better
A new butterfly
Now the butterfly dies

If she reads this
She will despise me
Say, I do not understand
I’d say that the person
Woven in to the pattern
Cannot see the design
Cannot cut fates golden line
When they do not know
How the story goes
Oh, well it’s not my hell to bare

Today my world fell apart
one of my best friends died
As soon as I heard the news
all I wanted to do was cry
I felt my body go numb
in the person's arms who was holding me
I felt my tears fall to the floor like rain
as I sat there on my knees
As I walked home from school that day
I felt a raindrop on my head
I think about my last moments with my friend
and all of the things he said
He was the first one I went to
whenever I needed to cry
When I felt stupid about a challenge
he would always encourage me to try
His death was so unexpected
he was just here yesterday
How can someone you hugged twenty four hours ago
just simply go away
Where do I go from here now
my life was revolved around him
Now I am here to live life alone
and I really, really miss him
As I get home and walk into my room
the rain falls outside in a rush
I sit in the dark and cry into my pillow
imagining his touch
All that is running through my head right now
is how life used to be
How I lost my best friend
who was a special part of me

My best friend is having a baby with his girlfriend
it is killing me inside
It is because I am in love with him
it hurts to see her by his side
I have loved him for awhile
but I have kept my mouth shut
I did not want to create drama
although my feelings bothered me a lot
I have cried myself to sleep
knowing that he loves her instead of me
We were meant to be just friends
that is the way it has to be
I would do anything for him
I am here for him through thick and thin
Yet not a day goes by
where I wish to be with him
I have got to stop wishing though
it is a wish that will never come true
Even though it hurts to do so
getting over him is what I have got to do

There is not a day I don't hear your words, taste the essence of your soul. Watch your heart pump ink through through your mind and paint pictures on your skin. Not a day passes by when god envys the artist under his sky. How they simplify the storms and count colors in the sand. You speak in rhymes and riddles true, music flows beneath you. And not a day passes by when I don't think "your so lovely I could die."

I decided to make some changes for myself
starting with my social life
It seems that whenever I trust somebody
I end up paying some sort of price
I need to start doing good in school
I cannot keep ******* around
When the pressure is high and life is out of control
I gotta keep my feet on the ground
I need to do more physically
I sit around too much
I need to start hanging out with more people
that way I do not turn into an unsocial nut
I need to start reaching my goals
they are very important to me
I need to think more about my future
there is so much that I want to see
I need to change my attitude  
I am turning into a *****
I need to stop being jealous of others
I am too old to be throwing any fits
I need to start making changes now
there is no better time than the present
I need to start setting up a life for myself
and drop all of my bad habits
I need to be a better friend
before I lose someone very important
When my friends make stupid life long decisions
it is my job to love them, not judge them
I need to re-think about a lot of things
I am starting to hate the person I am becoming
I need to catch myself before I fall too hard
and forever lose myself

Enlightenment
Through darkened shadows
Clear visions
Reflections of stone
A heart in glorious shades of smoke
Master of illusion
Precise and unyielding
Cool breath and a steady heart
Poised within a mind
In constant dissension
Complex and beautiful
Determined to test limits
Hoping, against hope
To be enlightened
Through darkened shadows

subtle thump
i beg  you don't betray me
inside mathematic ribs
who rise and fall in timeless tides
like a stone
somebody skips

lay low
i ask
with whispers
anchor yourself to what you can!
don't search the streets
so desperately
for the grip
of any man

they try pointing us toward stillness
bribed with closure and composure
the long gone things i care to miss
could never come home sober
i was built to bleed and blush
with this heart i gently mask
of which beneath a simple touch
can bloom or
crush
or
crack

my cells forgive me thoughtlessly,
rebuild without a thank you
my science is kind
but the pendulum is
swinging
always in my mind