The melody
Stops my mind with bliss
While reminding my heart to crack

Dear Valentine,

A clue to you,

I am yours but you are not mine.

I ruined that long ago with a fear of sitting still.

Promising the future paralyzed me,

The Pressure encompassed my thoughts.

I mangled our hearts like I naturally do,

And the worst part was not looking back.

Your cinnamon eyes still haunt my sleep.

And now I know a cage shared with you,

Would have been the sweetest place.

Because you let me sing.

I do not expect a reply and I realize

It’s selfish to push these words.

But please be mine? And only mine!

You are my continuous muse.

I apologize for the stains on the pillow case,
I could not hold it in again.
The black that seeps into the flowers on the edge,
Are just from my eyes,
A little makeup remover should do the job fine.
The clothes missing from the closet are all mine, I swear.
I left your jerseys on the dresser, folded under the picture of us.
Please forgive the mess in the kitchen,
I began to make pancakes, but found myself in a heap on the floor,
While the batter bubbled under the stove.
I was sobbing because I am going to miss everything about this house.
That is no reason to stay here, I know that now.
I will miss Sundays, the smell of brunch from the hall,
And the glow of the tv when you fall asleep.
I found you countless times on the couch,
But never thought to move you to the bed.

The bathroom should be in good order,
The hair straightener will finally be out of your way.
I cleaned up the hair that I shed all over the house,
Because I know how much you hate it.
I began to vacuum the carpets, but I kept crying on them,
The hot tears would dry under the vacuum,
But I couldn't find the energy to keep going.

I know you won't understand why I am leaving,
Which is why this letter is for you,
And why I can't be here when you come home.
Your blue eyes would just drag me back to bed,
Like they have a hundred times.
I couldn't handle the grayness of your love anymore,
The way you couldn't commit to the distant future,
Or even to tomorrow.
We shared a house for ***** sake.
I hope you find the one you need,
I hope she cleans better than me,
I'm sorry that I am hurting you.
But I am happy that this is for me.
Sincerely,
Me

Remember the last time we sat together?
I was boxing up the last of my things,
And you turned to me with that condescending scowl.
I could tell you were thinking of something poisonous to say,
Then you spat out,
With the only passionate tone ever to come from your lips:

“Mary, you romanticize everything,
Like that time we ate Ramen for a week.
You slurped a noodle and nodded around the room,
Then babbled on about how we were starving for our dreams.
Well I have news for you,
We were starving because you were late again.
And I couldn’t find my ******* tie,
Remember?
We found it a week later,
Under the bed, next to my bowl,
And then played gin rummy for the last few hits,
How’s that for a dream?”

I continued to pack but you kept staring at me,
Like a creature you have never lived or slept with,
I don’t know if it’s true, but I think you hated me for my innocence,
I do know that I began to resent you for snatching it away,
I wish I never went to that concert on 8th and McClair,
Or asked you to not look at my ID,
So I could drink another *** and coke.
I was a different person then, I wrote about the color green,
And its connotation to nature and eyes.
Now I find myself in a room with stained sheets, bourbon, and Bukowski.
Just so you know,
I never thought we were starving for our dreams.
It just sounded pretty out of my mouth,
Like something nice someone says when a relative dies.
I was just trying to take away the blow,
Of knowing that everything was not how we planned.
Then again maybe you were right,
Maybe I do romanticize things.
Because I still have your Rolling Stones albums under my bed,
And “Let Me Down Slow” helps me sleep when the silence hits.
But at least I have soul, and heart, and butterflies,
All that mushy stuff you hate.
The way your eyes went dull would scare me.
So how are you now?

Click…
Click…
CLICK…
Earsplitting silence surrounds me
As I waste time envisioning a new setting,
Where my paper, pen, mug, and coffee are still there,
But the paper is bursting with passion,
And the magic of espresso beans enable the pen to float along my rapid thoughts.
Right now it is used to stimulate the monotony.
Unfortunately,
Money cannot be bled from words on paper and,
Beers are not bought with dedications in hard cover.
Click…
Click…
CLICK…
Yogurt wrappers opening, spoons being slurped.
***** expanding atop their encompassing chairs.
These are the thoughts that fill my head,
As co-workers plan the next birthday party,
The next lunch, client dinner, and snack.
It seems that bars do not enclose me at my desk,
There is no guard at the door and,
Above me the exit sign gives warmth.
Click….
Click…
CLICK…
Not today, today is not a good day.
There are presentations, Power Points, data to analyze.
Analyze feels like a ***** word in my world,
It covers my neurons and destroys imagination,
Synopsis seize to fire.
It seeps into my blood until I become a replica,
But it is the word that takes my balance off negative,
And applies charming labels to my purse,
I wonder if this is how it starts out for everyone,
Humans are adjustable, no batteries allowed.
Click…
Click…
CLICK.

A waiting room filled with tears and delight,
Doors line the hall,
Each containing a story that is kept in hushed tones,
A balloon sways behind one to the right,
What message does it carry?
Get Well Soon!
To the woman who will surely never leave.
It’s a boy!
The nurses try to break the news.
Happy Birthday!
His ninety-third to be exact.
The door could be an entrance to life,
Or an exit,
Depending on the balloon.

4 A.M.
Can’t sleep shivers
Fill me as I ponder
All that makes me want to
Nap while the sun shines
So much to do
While the world rests
Voices glide into my ears
Like whispering smoke
Stay up! Stay up!
Orange glow fills the windows
Tomorrow I say
Tomorrow is the day

I use to know this person

Eyes like honey and the words just as sweet

From a distance you share the silhouette he kept

And when you whisper the voice seems to match

But no

There is an edge to your step

And when I’m scared you don’t have a shield

You see I use to know this person

But he must have gotten lost somehow

Or perhaps he has decided never to come back

When I look into you, I see him sometimes

The way you chuckle under your breath

The smile you let show when you sleep

But no

He would never let me sit alone in the dark

Or cry softly into my pillow

I mourn for him

Because I know he will not be back

Neither will the words he spoke while we lay in bed

The tenderness of his kiss

Or the way he would laugh at my silly jokes

But that is O.K.

Because I have the memories of him

And the silhouette of you