I used to like being alone because I had time to think.

Now I fear being alone, because there's too many things on my mind.

They often ask
"Did you see _ last night?"
"Do you watch _?"
"No."
I don't have a ******* television.
There are enough
Actors acting
At work
On the street
At mom's house
At the grocery store
At parties
At the bar
I don't want to watch more when
I'm alone.
The dancing spider on the wall
The paralyzed lines of the book
The breathing notes of the music
The slow pour of cold beer
I sit here and stare
At nothing
Just like you

People scare me,
They feel so much,
When they know so little,
They try to control,
When they can't do it themselves,
Love or destruction,
Both are the same they just are different words,
One mans Hero is another ones villain,
With this mentality no wars can be won,
And now everything that's is done,
Can't be undone.

i don't like people
questioning me
looking at me
quizzically
trying to figure me out

don't

there's no rhyme
to my reason
no "aha" moments
to be had

for...
there's no book
more open
nothing more readable
than me

so...
if you want to get to know me

just be

eventually
we'll find each other.

I want to hide.
Hide from it all.
No more computers, No more people.
I want to be all alone,
Just thinking.
This world can be a beautiful place,
But we decide to focus on the bad.
So I want to hide, hide, hide.

all i want for christmas is my happiness
to not crave death when i get out of bed every morning
to not be disgusted at my own reflection
i want to learn to love
to love myself and others.
i want to be okay.

Don’t fall in love with me.
There are days when I get sad without a reason and I just stare at the ceiling with tears streaming down my face.

Don’t fall in love with me.
On those days, I don’t talk to anyone. I just bury myself in my bed and think about how I became this mess of sadness.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I will become attached to you and I will cry myself to sleep if you don’t text me good night before you go to sleep and I will convince myself that it’s because you got tired of me.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I’m too much. I will depend on you. I need attention, much more than other people. I’ll talk to you in metaphors and make you one. I’ll write poems about you and opening up my skin at 2 A.M.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I couldn’t stand you coming home to find me on the bathroom floor shaking and crying, with blood spilling from my wrists. I couldn’t stand seeing the disappointment in your eyes.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I will pour everything I’ve left of me into you, every bit of love, until I have nothing to give. Until I become completely empty.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I’m scared that my sadness is contagious.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I will replay your sweet words in my head when I hate myself so much that I want to die. Your words will be the only thing that make me stay.

Don’t fall in love with me.
You will live in fear. You won’t be able to leave me, because you’d know if you did, I wouldn’t have anything to live for.

Don’t fall in love with me.
Before I met you, there wasn’t a single person who could’ve made me stay. You’re my reason now.

Don’t fall in love with me.
Because I will fall in love with you.

I’ve been a busboy, a waiter,
A salesman for road crews
A cook and a soda ****.
The American market is
Not set up that well for
Kids who want to work.
Before I was twenty five
I’d had eighty different jobs
Some of them at the same time.
Some parents think their kids
Are a good source of income.
Others think that is a crime.

I suppose it’s one thing
If the kid picks his own job;
Does what he wants with money.
But robbing his stash
When he is out working
Is not even close to being funny.
And keeping a youngster
Both working and schooling
And no social or playtime is sad.
It robs him of childhood
And rips off all his ambition.
The child has to somehow turn bad.

Maybe it only trusting
That the kid learns not to do.
Maybe that dreams don’t come true.
Maybe the kid learns
His hard work and dedication
Only gets him blisters when he’s through.
That was all true of me;
I did what I was told and
I learned that joy and accomplishment
Earned no praise for the doing
Only produced, if I didn’t work hard
A tremendous amount of admonishment.

So, when I left home
I had no direction in mind;
I looked ahead to sixty more years
Of working and being robbed
By people I wanted to trust
And not even being capable of tears.
This may sound like a whine
Blaming and much worse
A griper that’s totally out of line.
But what it really means
Is your kids aren’t your slaves
To be put to work in some coal mine.

Floating through
The inky nothingness
So lonely
searching
For a place to call home
I hate to be cruel
But I must ask
That you stay away
From me and
my abode
For you see
I'd rather not get crushed.