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I was always told there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
What they never told me
is that there's a **** maze inside this tunnel.
The Ripe Color Of My Skin Has Perished,
Along With The Wide Smile I Once Bore,
Music In My Soul Which I Once Cherished,
Has Fallen Flat And Crumbled To The Floor

The Sweet, Joyful Sun Has Dissipated,
The Flowers Within My Heart Have Withered,
My Mind Has Never Been Vindicated,
My Green Eyes Clouded With Blue Of Blizzard

The Autumn Leaves Are Ragged And Soggy,
As If They Wanted To Mimic My Lips,
The Moaning Voice Of The Breeze Is Groggy,
As It Caresses The Earth's Swinging Hips

O, I Remember The Smile I Wore,
Although, I Recall It Being A Chore
Absence of color,
Absence of inspiration,
motive,
and
mind...

Missed you all.
I'm fine
Slips off my tongue
A simple lie
But it suffocates me
I smile
It's painted across my face
It hurts me
I don't let it show
I'm fine
That's all you know
 Jan 2015 Jade Marie
Jarred
1/25/15
 Jan 2015 Jade Marie
Jarred
Why does everybody
run up the stairs
slow down bud
they ain't scary
 Jan 2015 Jade Marie
One Pusumane
Need not blame me for being insecure
I am no doctor, hell I don’t have the cure
You cared, you landed you ears but I looked the other way
I did not having anything to say and I now know that was never okay

Who was I to judge you,, but then again when the world taught me to hate what more can I do?
I am lost in this dark hole where love ceases to exist, this pit I call hell.
How can I love when I do not know the meaning of the word?
I pushed you away because no one can come in
I build this barrier this wall, this guard that I never let down
Dear I pushed you away you never had a single chance, not one in a million


Truth be told I did care... I do have a heart in this dark cold empty chest of mine
Please tell the world then to give me lashes like my mother did
I am speechless, robbed of words and all I have is a fake smile
All I can do is marry this darkness...
I am  suffocating and  I think that  I am going to lose myself any minute now


Dear I pushed you away…. You never stood a chance
But if I may ask are you willing to wait for all eternity?
Truth is I care so much it hurts.. but after loneliness dumped me on a rainy day
After love stabbed me in the back, after I walked through gates of hell
I could take it no more
The universe denied me joy
I now hate the world…..
It’s painful enough that I have to drown in this blissful agony
The true me that illuminates when the fake pretense is stripped off
I carry hate around as though I depended on it to live

I bear great regrets that have got me wishing
Wishing I had life’s reset button
But then again it’s a wish
I guess my own heart bleeds through paper
As my dark soul moves to the rhythm of my pen
I thought I had it all
But I now realize…. Any minute now…. I might just fall
Can I have a friend who will hold my hand?
I guess the utter silence means pen and paper are forever with me
Dear I pushed you away…….. do accept this letter.
 Jan 2015 Jade Marie
Ethan Titus
Shaking
Ever so violently
I hope nobody notices
Quaking
Ever so forcibly
I dare not move
Trembling
Ever so timidly
I hope nobody approaches
Quivering
Ever so fearfully
I hope somebody sees me
Whispering
Ever so softly
I hope they heard me
Speaking
Ever so nervously
I hope they reply
Screaming
Ever so harshly
I'm here! Why can't they see me?
Why can't they hear?
Where is my voice?
My lips, why won't they part?
There's a storm raging inside of me
I want it to stop
I can't make it stop
Why won't it stop!?
People are all around me
Why am I alone?
How am I alone?
I don't want to be alone
Everything begins to dim
The permeating darkness won't stop closing in
I can't see anyone or anything
I can feel something
Something I never felt before
It's so heavy
It's so tight
What is this weight on me?
Where is this pressure coming from?
Around my ankles
Around my wrists
Around my neck
There's something covering my mouth
I can't breathe
A sudden pain in my chest
My heart is enwrapped in thorns
This piercing pain is too much
Relieve me
Make it stop
Somebody save me
Now the pulling
Something is pulling at my heart
With each beat, the thorns pierce away
The pulling on my heart scares me
What is it that's pulling?
My mind is a blank
My mind is silent
My mind is lost
My heart slows its pace
My heart is weary
My heart stopped
I am defeated
The pulling starts again
Where is it coming from?
A faint whisper
I don't understand but my heart jumps
Shouts and screams of hatred and defilement echo harshly in my ears
When did they return? Did they ever stop? Did I just go numb?
They're drowning out the whispering
I want to hear it
I want to know what it said!
There are eyes within the darkness
They're glaring at me
They hate me
They want to destroy me
Somebody help me
Somebody save me
Invisible hands reach out and begin to touch me
They're disgusting and terrifying
They're clawing at me
Arguing...the shouters are arguing over me...
Who gets what piece of me
I don't know what to feel
I don't know where to turn
I'm ready for them to decide
I'm ready for them to destroy me
I just want this to end
Another feint whisper
"I..."
My heart jumps again
It's still too loud
Why do they have to be screaming?
Why does this voice have to whisper?
"I am...and..."
It's coming through clearer
I'm trying to block out their evil words
I throw my hands over my ears
The whispering continues to grow clear
My heart has started again
The pulling I felt was the thorns being removed
"I am the...truth...the...I..."
The words aren't flowing through my ears
They're flowing through my heart
What is this sensation?
The clawing away has stopped
The eyes are turning away
I can see a light above me
It's so far away
"I am the way, the truth...the...and I..."
I'm reaching out, but the chains are too heavy
I can't reach
I can't get close
I'm crying out but my voice won't do a thing
Tears are streaming down my face
I don't want to die
My eyes shut in defeat once again
There's no way I can ever reach that light
What do you mean I don't have to...?
I open my eyes and the light is before me
A hand is reaching out of it towards me
"I am the way, the truth, the life, and I love you."
He grabs my hand in His
The shackles around my limbs break
The weight is gone
I feel lighter than I ever felt
I'm surrounded by the light now
It's warm
I feel calm
Where once I would tremble and quake
I was now still
Where once I felt ignored
I felt adored
When once I felt alone no matter how many people were around me
Now there were none, but I knew that I was not alone
I knew people would still hate me but it no longer matters because...
I'm loved by Him.
I wrote this for anyone who knows this feeling of defeat of being entrapped in the darkness.  Jesus Christ can save you from anything, even when you're ready for an end to a world that just doesn't seem to stop crashing down around you.
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