i believe it is wrong to say "it's not about how you get there, its about the end result" because when you finally make it to where you want to be will you be proud of what you have done, when there's no where to go, not even back.

What does home mean to you?
To me...
It's absent
I don't have a home
Here it is Wednesday
and I haven't stepped foot
in my room since Saturday
I cant go back
Home is ruined now
The last time I saw it
It was covered in police
and tears
But I don't have a choice
I cant stay away forever

I was sitting at dance class
Watching girls flip
backwards and forwards
I look at my phone
I have a missed call
11 minutes ago
He never calls unless...
unless its an emergency
I run out of the room
I call him back
"Hey"
Hey, is all he says
"Did you need something?"
"Yeah"
"Well, what is it?'
"I was wondering
where you were.
If you wanted to hang.
If you wanted to ****."
"Are you drunk?" I asked
He laughed
"Text me later"
I hung up.
This is the same boy
The same boy
That started rumors
saying I ***** him.
I tell myself
that I don't need him
But its so **** hard
to shake an addiction.

how could i possibly be lonely
laying in bed at night
when the sound of silence
ringing in my ears
keeps me company
and the thoughts
are so loud
that i can hear them
as though
they're whispering
in my ear

I stopped checking for monsters under the bed,
when I realized they were inside all of us instead

When we're in the car
After we had an argument
And I know he's stressed
When he doesn't understand why our sister is on medication
Or why somedays I don't get out of bed
Or why we're back in court
Or why our parents are divorced
Or why my mother cries
Or why sometimes I have to parent him
Take care of him


Sometimes
On quiet nights
I hold my brothers hand
Because when I was young
I would've done anything
For anyone to tell me anything was okay
That I wasn't going crazy
That sometimes people just hurt
Sometimes I hold my brothers hand
Because when I was young
I would've done anything

For someone to hold mine

I keep reading my writings over and over
And every time they become
More and more unreal
My life experiences are starting to
Sort of blend together
All the bad decisions
And terrible mistakes
It's just become who I am
It defines me now