Beauty is a beast
          Underneath all of her makeup and lies

Artist
The only description of her
The way her eyelashes glitter
In the shining sunlight
The way her pale face
Is angled to imperfection
In a captivating way
Where you have to feel every curve
Every indent on her cheeks

The way her wrists are stained
With the color of her hair
A raw red
Exploding into the world
Exposing her
From all the rest

It's just a shame
That art is only admired
After it's lifespan is gone

I'm only me
When the lights have gone out,
The eyes have closed,
When the temptations give in
And no one else is there
To witness it

Then I can finally crawl
Out of the walls I've built
Around my fragile bones
And seek the night
Like an old friend

When my thoughts echo through my skull
Driving me to think and do
What's rejected all around
And I finally feel free
I finally feel like me

When my opinions run wild

Welling up inside of me
Like the guilt from things undone
Lies the horrid emotions
We don't deal to feel
For each other

Deny, deny, deny
The word has become the playlist
Of our lives
Bobbing in our heads
Wherever we go

Keep your thoughts hidden
Like the treasure of your skin
So preciously unique
Unlike any other I've heard
Rough like the tide washing me away

My heart no longer speeds
Up at your sight
My head no longer dizzies
As you speak your careful words
I've learned to burry it all in a well

Deep, deep in a well
Somewhere in my chest,
In my thoughts
Where you can't retrieve it

Deny, deny, deny

Five AM
can't sleep
my thoughts are having a rumbling party
with everything that could go wrong
and alcohol
but maybe that's all just my toxic thoughts
that won't let me rest
when I know there is a tomorrow
when I'll have to face it all again

I'm pretty sure I've been invited
to a date with Migraine
as I hear
Someone Like You
play in the stereos of my mind
and I start to remember
things and people I wish I'd forget
that I try so hard to forget
when I'm sober

Right now,
I'm drunk on sleep
and can't control the party
the toxins are getting to me
and I wish Sleep hadn't rejected me
so I could go back to its warm slumber
but it has long since kept
my cold sheets
feeling welcoming

Six AM
can't sleep
songs and people I used to know
and regrets and thoughts
still unforgiving
with the smell
of sleepy alcohol
drumming in my skull

Underneath laughing gowns
And clicking white heals
Fall lost hopes and dreams
Things we used to feel

Each red petal; now dead
Used to celebrate a new start
With friends and family and something blue
A fellowship of two hearts

And here I sit at the last row
Watching young flower girls sing
And clatter sounds as hands clap
When a finger bears a wedding ring

But those petals; red and crumpled
Lay suffering as they all applaud
And my memory recalls two more suffering flowers
And my fingers plucking a petal
And whispering
"He loves me not."

As the sun shines
On top of burnt heads
And warm, wrinkly smiles
Beam brightly

I can't help but wonder
That at this moment
The world is too perfect
Too perfect to go on like this

If I ran
The longest distance
Climbed
The highest mountain
Jumped
The tallest troubles
I still wouldn't be
Trained enough
To dodge your **Big head

I asked her,
"Why is warmth wanted rather than cold? Why is warmth more respected when it burns and sears?"

And she replied,
"Sh! The normal ones will hear you and think you're crazy!"

So I laughed
Because you see
(I am crazy)

But Hm.
We have not discussed this since
And I'm beginning to think
You've caught Normal too.

Tell Them
My Sweetheart
That I never wanted a funeral
But it was only
For tradition

Tell Them
Not to cry
Not to mourn
But rather
Sit in a circle, knee to knee
And share stories of me with them
Bad ones
Good ones
All of them so that I am seen
Even after death
As an imperfect human being

Tell them
To wear black skirts and no makeup
And high spiked boots
With skull rings
And silver chains
So that they remember my dark side

Tell Them
Not to miss me
Not the slightest
And instead
Await the day
They can see me again
If they pray I make it to heaven

Tell Them
To tell me their stories once in a while
I like a good laugh
I like a short smile
But even if not
They can tell me their doubts
And I'll listen
Because I love voices that talk to me
And reveal a journey

And when They bury me
Will you all pray
That I end up safe
Many many miles away
Away from you all
But still in your hearts
I'll be sewn
As tightly as my
Pursed, frowned lips

Tell Them
Sweetheart
That I never
Left
(because I was always right)

My eyes droop
To the sound
Of the night caving in
And the lights dimming out

My vision clogs
With grogginess and
The mistakes I made today
And the ones I will make tomorrow

So I smile
Because the future isn't certain
And I like mysteries and all,
But one thing is for sure
That every night, before I am consumed by sleep
My eyelids will be imprinted
With your angelic face
Burned into them

And another thing
Although I will make more mistakes tomorrow
I still have you
And that can only mean
That I'll also do something right

And with that
My mind is filled
With fog and clouds and smells
Of days and nights
And a smile tattoos my tired face
Form the memory
Of you

Can you see
Beyond my eyes
And deep into my soul
Where the truth really lies?

Can you hear the voices
Whispering in my mind
Reminding me
That I'm running out of time?

Can you feel
My slow beating heart
Deprived of love
And falling apart?

Or do you just see
The face I put on
Of no emotion
Of no lively song?

I rather you look
Beyond the eyes
Beyond the lies
To the messed up being
I really am
Yet beside me
Is where you still stand.

If I ever told you
That in my heart
I carry a stone
Weighing down my feelings and hatred
Would you so kindly believe me?

If I ever told you
That sometimes
I cry too
Because I can't make sense of anything
Not anyone
Would you wipe away my tears?

If I ever told you
That I need you
To tell all of these things to
The ones that weigh down my chest
Would you ever listen?

Maybe
Just a one-in-a-million maybe
You would
But

If I ever told you
That you'd never be able to lift the stone
That it's been on too long
Would you still try?

I guess I don't know
I guess it doesn't matter
Because, baby, as long as your happy
I never want to tell you
What's on my mind
And ruin your smile

I guess I shouldn't care
I'll just be here alone
And watch you smile
From the corner of my eye
Pretending I'm fine

And singing to myself
*"If I ever, if I ever..."

The wind howls
outside my bedroom window
shaking me
my heart; my soul

it screams
while you sit there
drinking sweet-smelling coffee
a baby boy in Africa
cries of hunger
and aching ribs.

while you are curled up
under warm and soft blankets
an old and lonely man
wanders the darkest streets
looking for warmth;
a home

while you hide there
surrounded by light and family
with an aura of ungratefulness
you are lost in the rays of your technologies
with a frown on your angelic face
when a weeping woman
shakes and prays
for her gone children to reach Heaven happily
but you dare forget God to a screen?

my house shakes
from Wind's agonizing words
and a streak of cold
trickles into my haven
along with the words
"what am I doing?"

somehow
my stiff legs reach
a window
and the arms in front of me
pull it open
to reveal no sound at all

where is the wind?
did he leave just as
he touched
my heart; my soul
making me waver?
or does a gust not howl ,
speak,
and isn't heard?

no
the wind was here
for how else did the once-twinkling snowflakes
suddenly freeze
and lose all of their beauty?

no one but Wind
would take the innocence
of such young and beautiful white specks
just as they landed
in this cold,
dark world

no one but Wind
would flare you with reality
enough to make you cry with obliviousness
for this wind; my Wind
he is the voice off all those
who have faced
life's stinging brutality;
him
instead of
hiding under covers
and whispering morbid lies
that
everything is okay

Everyday
The weight machine
Tells me a higher number

I think it's broken
Because surely
My soul is weakening and thinning out

Into nothingness
And doesn't that have a weight?
Or is this feeling inside me
Merely pretend?

Hush little baby
Don't you cry
I'm right here with you
Whispering in the night

The blood on your arms
Can stain my shirt
By I won't let go of you
Because baby, you're hurt

You can have my shoulder
And hold me close
Because I've taken your alcohol
You've had your dose

I know, I'm cruel
I'm forcing you to face reality
But babe, you aren't alone
You don't have to lose your sanity

I can feel your shivering body
And the faint thump of your heart
The beat, it touches me
You're a fine piece of art

Hush little baby
Let me take away your pain
I'll whisper soft words to you
"There is sunshine beyond this rain."

You are always truly alone
No one can be there for you
Unless you are there for yourself

You are not the width of your waist
Nor the flaws on your face
Nor your hand that can't reach a shelf

You are not the sound
Of your helpless snores
Or the laugh you enjoyed letting out

You are not the anger
That takes over your eyes
Or the guilt in your heart after a shout

You are not the tears
You want to but have not cried
For fear of being weak

You are not the words
You whisper when you're alone
That make the world sound bleak

You are not a body
With a soul
But a soul that has been given a human shell

You are the life
You claim to live
You are your own living hell

You are your own nightmare
Your own problems
And your own savior from it all

You are a spirit
That can run forever and free
Yet you choose to burden the fall

I'm too young
To know
To care
To understand
To bare
The situation and its importance

I'm too short
To reach
High enough for the stars
To ever make it far
In life
Because I extract it into bleach

I'm too ugly
To understand
How hard people work
To keep themselves neat
With perfectly pressed shirts
And gorgeous pearl eyes
I'll never realize
Never stop the lies

I'm too stupid
To care
About people
And what they wear
What they say
What they do
How they think of me
What they prove

I'm too
Fat
Idiotic
A druggy;
Alcoholic
High on the world
And drunk on loneliness
An alien
That is their specimen

I'm not.

I'm older than you can imagine,
Reaching farther than what you see,
Beautiful, for I am God's creation,
I just think a little differently.

If you're afraid of the unknown
Or of "things" who differ
The world will move on without you
While I run ahead
Quicker
Than light can travel

(Is that "too" much for you?)

The skin on my legs is exposed and bare as the cold cuts through my many layers.
How long has it been since I felt warmth?
Since a gentle heart defrosted my sore bones?
Since someone whispered to me that I'll live another night?

I cannot recall, so the answer is simple:
Too long.

The cold has this affect on me.
It makes my mind blurred, my memories and emotions congested.

The frost on my face has made it impossible for me to smile,
So my expression is tinted blue with a hint of lifelessness.

How do I feel?
Happy? Sad? Hopeful? Hopeless?
Or nothing at all?

I think I am numb,
But I don't know it.

I know nothing.
Well, almost nothing.

It is the Weather, I think.
All the Weather's fault that I suffer.
That I'm freezing, lifeless and alone.

I do not know you,
But I feel you.

The way your words brighten the page
Makes my heart ache.

I want someone to love you back
To be yours
And make the glossy tears in your eyes become those of happiness.

I don't know you outside of poetry
But I know you must be a wonderful person
So please
Feel free to pour your heart into these pages
And know that I'm listening.

I want your memories to light up the dimples on your face
Your broken heart to make you stronger
Because I can feel you,
Your presence in your words.

They're beautiful.
And so are you.

I don't know you.
But I wish I did.

Sometimes

I feel

The world and it's rough edges

I feel the pain it carries in its heart,

And I can tell you

That it is the best feeling ever

As I believe

That pain is an art.