i keep telling myself it’s not a big deal
people fall in love
people drift apart
but it wasn’t supposed to be them
not the two people i trusted
not the two faces i looked at
and thought,
“they’ll never do that to me”

funny how betrayal doesn’t come with sirens
no alarms
just small silences
a skipped message
a weird glance
a laugh that didn’t include me this time

and i wonder—
when did they first look at each other like that?
was it while i was talking?
was it during one of those nights
i was pouring my heart out to her
and he was just… there?

she knew
they both knew
and still they smiled at me
still asked how i was
like they weren’t already
pulling the knife out of my back
to see how deep it went

i don’t even feel anger right now
just emptiness
like i’m standing outside my own life
watching it fold in on itself
quiet
unimportant

maybe this is what it means to be forgotten
not in absence
but in plain sight
to be looked at
and not seen

i keep thinking i’ll cry
but my body must’ve decided
it’s not worth the water

and maybe it’s right
maybe i’m just a chapter
they skipped through
a placeholder
until they figured out what they really wanted

but god
why did what they wanted
have to be
each other?

I don’t know why I’m writing this.
You won’t read it.
Maybe I just need to get it out before it eats me alive.

I can’t stop wanting you.
It’s pathetic, I know.
It’s been months.
Time stopped meaning anything when you left.

I still dream about you.
Sometimes I wake up and for a split second,
I forget that you’re gone.
I reach across the bed like an idiot,
and all I find is cold sheets and my own emptiness.

Why won’t you leave me?
Or maybe — why won’t you come back?
I don’t even know which one I want more anymore.

I replay everything.
Every message. Every glance. Every tiny moment.
Looking for the place where I could’ve made you stay.
But there’s nothing. Just the same ending, over and over.
You, gone. Me, still here.

I would ruin myself for you again.
I would break every promise I made to myself.
I would throw away every piece of healing just to feel you one more time.

God, I hate this.
I hate that I love you this much.
I hate that I need you like air I can’t breathe.

I don’t know how to stop.
I don’t even know if I want to.

If you came back tomorrow,
I would open the door.
No questions. No hesitation.
I’d let you in.
I’d let you wreck me all over again.