You're so ******* perfect
in every way I can imagine
I just want to feel you beside
my empty self.

I want to help you see that
there could never be anyone
else who could possibly
complete me

the shaken when in public-
full of unwanted angst and
hatred-
too afraid to step out the door
and live-
girl that just wants to take that
step with you..

She somehow finds love and
comfort inside of that silly
smile that appears on a face
that just so happens to be yours

she wants to tell you that she
plans to stay put, beside you.
she doesn't want anybody else.
Because she is completed,
finally not tangled in sadness daily
let me tell you, she was glad to throw
that paper away..

*It's thanks to a tall boy who has a
laugh that makes her heart flutter
in a way she didn't know it could.

Dagger buried in the depths of my heart,
pain seeping out of every crease causing of an eruption of tears.
Consistent manipulation into giving up my hopes,
A conning of my inner treasure.
Mend the broken pieces of my emotions,
the scattering of my feelings,
shredded apart because of a stolen hope.
A borrowed courage to believe that I could be loved.
The right to know that a heart was destined to belong with mines.
The privilege to smile without reason.
Pinpointing the flaws of my love,
questioning where does it become “too much”?
Torn apart from the inside,
a decaying courage to try,
denying myself of the experience to fall,
pain accumulating with every ignored cry,
every plead pushed to the side.
A vacant space now occupies the nucleus of my emotions.
They withered away with every disappointment and tear.
So everything within me dies,
(Oh, how bitter the feeling)
in hopes of a rebirth.

Final Separation

We meet in the old café.
Breaking the silence with shy hellos.
My eyes are welled with tears.
Flooding to the brim but held back.
You must not see me cry not tonight.
This is where we first met
so very long ago.
Now we meet to see
if our separation should stay.
I know you want your freedom back.
I know I have stolen it from you.
But I go along with this meeting.
I have an overwhelming desire
To hold you and kiss you
begging you to stay with me.
I am still so in love with you.
So much in love.
But I know you have been
counting the moments
since getting here to leave.
You tell me that we can’t separate,
that you cannot leave me.
You say I am everything
you need in this life.
I know its you being gentle
i know its not true.
Then you leave anyway.
I hear your footsteps
clicking on the pavement
as you hurry away.
They are faster and faster
like my heartbeat.
Until a silence falls over the room.
Like it has over my new life without you.

The  Orchid

Within an old book in my library
An Orchid dried and pressed I see
Without color and fragrance a mystery
Romantic notions overwhelming me

Who made this volume an orchid’s tomb?
Forever hidden in a dark room
Perhaps a ladies hand from a long past year
A memento of her handsome lover so dear

Was it given at a meeting with hearts that soar?
Or a last goodbye as he went to war
Or as they kissed in heavens light
Sharing their love in the blue of night

Are they still together him and her?
Holding hands at this very hour
Or are they passed no longer here?
Love dried and withered
like this orchid flower

When you left me
My friends gathered around.
Living without her won’t **** you.
They said.
But what won’t **** me
Aches day and night inside my chest.
What won’t **** me
Has tears running down my face.
What won’t **** me
Fills me with scars that never heal.
What won’t **** me
Makes me hide away from the world
What won’t **** me
Makes me want to **** myself.

It's been a year,
Since you left
Time's supposed to heal
But it hasn't touched
me yet.
Everything is the same
Tho the world
Has changed.
All the days are
numbered, and
I still feel strange,
Without your hand
                your voice.
I'm sick of love
I'm sick of choice,
I'm sick of always feeling this way.
Every single ******* day.
It's been so long,
It's been a year.
Despite the odds —
I'm still here.

There is love in
my shadows
Tucked away,
In my dusky soul.
Resplendent
In its legend.
Written in
another
Tongue.
It's there.
Among the Ruins.

When
I'm at my emptiest,
I long to lose
Myself in physical
Ecstasy.
Desperate
yearning
extinguished
Through
flesh on flesh.
******* passion
Throats ripped,
Blood pours.
Devouring
your entirety
On a wave of
Nothingness.
I ache
to feel
Something.