i am told
"be quiet. don't tell anyone."

my body is broken.
my body is torn.
my body is not my body anymore.

i am told
"clean yourself up. get to bed."

my body burns.
my body is stained.
i am ashamed.

i wander back to the bedroom
and find teddy awake.
the look on his face makes me break
on the inside.

"what did he do?"

you know what he did
we all know what he did;
but we have to stay
                                                         q u i e t.

I'm nothing and you're nobody,
We're fine this way.
Because ether i bend and You break
Or you bend and I break.
It's just best keep us five feet apart, I would say.
Because I'm nothing and you're nobody
and we're fine this way.
Standing in noone's way.

I’m tired of fighting a
Winless battle.
I wish I could reverse
Time and stop me from being born.
But all I have are
These pills that can give me
The permanent sleep I desire.
But then I think of you
And flush them out.

Am I being
        too picky—
Should I settle
       for what I know?

But I was taught
         to never settle,
For that will lead
        only to regret.

If I could
I  would 
But I can't
So I  won't
--Be the carpenter to the building up of your ego.
--Shower you with confident praise, umbrella you from dissident things.
--Figure out the high and low moods of an adrenaline *****.
--Nod in agreement, like a court jester, to the latest exploits of a drama queen.
 
 Its a constant chore I abhor just to get you up and moving out the door.
Push you out the nest to fly,
throw you in the water to sink or swim, to try.
It's what we do when children are all grown,
NOT what we do for girlfriends who are afraid to leave home or be alone.

It's  not a keeping score point system where I'm giving more than I'm getting. Its more of a witnessing to the feeling of the allowing and the letting.

If I could
I would
But I can't
So I  won't
-- pave a yellow brick road through your misgivings.
--Smooth off the edges of your indecisions.
--Give you the cowardly  lions courage he got from Oz.
--Lie to boss Hog that your sick in bed.
-- Tweezer out the splinters of your perceived injustices.

If I  could
I would
But I can't
so I wont
Cottle you, bottle you, can't promise you or promote you. Must remove you and remote you, no longer develop you or devote you. Your on your own.

And in the end, dispite what I  do and the might that I  do it with... the final road is one we walk alone.
  I have to let you go now.

It's still you,                               Miss Me                Time Plays     
It's still you.                               Like Your                 Tricks        
                                                    Losing Me.       On Your Memory

Be you.                                        We're all                      Like Rain
Do you.                                         trying to                        I Fell
For you.                                 forget someone.                For You.


You Left                                       My Love                      I'll Meet
but Still                                          For You                   You Where
you Linger.                             Was Bulletproof.           We Began


Remember When                           I Miss                      Can't Sleep
You Were                                       What We                   Because
my World?                                  Never Had.
                                                            ­                              Something Is
                                                              ­                              Missing.
You'll Always                              You Were
be my                                          My Lifeboat,                  
favorite Almost.                         I Drowned.                She Warned
                                                          ­                                  Me About
                                                           ­                                 Loving Her
I'd Be here                                       It Still
if  She Asked.                                Hurts At
                                                           3  AM                     I warned
                                                                ­                          Her About
                                                           ­                               Loving Me
     I Almost                                    Come And
     Had You                                   Waste Time
     Didn't I?                                     With Me.                 We Exist
                                                           ­                              In Moments
                                                         ­                              Nothing More.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in life, not to change things. Just to feel a couple of things twice.

                                                         ­                            Jon York   2019

and when you said
laughter is like a foreign language
i imagined that i was
teaching you how to
speak it

Would've,                                                        ­ Nothing

      Could've,                                        ­                  Kills  you

      Should've,                   ­                                      like your

didn't, didn't, didn't.                                               mind.
-----------------------------                              ­   -----------------------------

     You almost                                                      Peopl­e come
                                                                ­            
     convinced                                                        ­     and go,
                                                                    ­      
   me I mattered.                                                      th­at's life.
------------------------------                             ­    ------------------------------

   Nothing matters,                                            You deserved

               but                                                            ha­ppiness,

   somehow you did.                                                so I left.
--------------------------------                           ­    -------------------------------

       Our "almost"                                                  We were and

         will always                                                          t­hen

            **** me.                                                          we weren't.
---------------------------------                       ­        -------------------------------

     Your fingerprints                                               I miss how

           I have not                                                            yo­u

          washed off.                                                     wanted me.
                                                Jon York    2019