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it doesn't add up
give me a sine
finding all these new ways to
sitting back as all my fears
adding to the pressure
to get the answer right
the difference is there is no right answer
can't cheat at life
no answer to learn
just new questions to find
wanna feel
wanna be
wanna wanna
want everything
i want and want
to the point that i need
but the more i want him
the less he wants me
can't be breathing down your neck
can't force you to feel like i do
even if you've shown interest
it's not your job to
define this and understand that
it's just hard because i want all of you
oh it's done now
i'm really kicked out
hurt your feelings
and you hurt mine
all we did
was waste each other's time
can't be cordial
or pretend to be nice
you raise your fist
i pull a knife
i can not stand down
not this time
why must i always
be the one to apologize
and now we're just drifting
apart faster everyday
you won't get to
see this pain
i hate you for not
seeing it in the first place
i say i don't mind
but that's just what i say
in all reality
i actually hate
that you continue to
smile to my face
then leave
and laugh behind my back
i'm sick of having
to retrack
find my place
and hope i won't relapse
it's *******
i never can relax
have to be concerned
with your fears and needs
while i am
silently suffering
you could
care less about me
i kiss your wounds
you watch me bleed
i memorize your voice
you leave me on seen
gone as far as
blocking me
i gave you years of my patience
and now you leave
**** this *****
because i wish you cared
but i got tired
of being scared
that you would leave
disappear into thin air
and you kinda did
but i know you're still there
you just chose
to be with them
those people you hate
that you call friends
you left me
i'm done crawling back
this time you'll repent
but you haven't
so this must be the end
**** this *****
i didn't want you to go
i wanted you to appreaciate me
to stop being an *******
just wanted you to
think about how all of this made me feel
you walked away
and it just doesnt feel real
why am i crying
for the billionth time
it's not a mystery
i wasnt suprised
disappointed and confused
and lost in the lights
every word is overwhelming
my senses are fried
you thought of me and
decided to say hi
strange to think
i still cross your mind
didn't think you'd notice me
unless i up and died
never really realized your impact on me
till you saw me cry
because i take those words you say
and bottle them up inside
every broken promise
is branded in mind
killing me softly, killing myself
killing precious time
ouch that hurts
but i tell you its gonna be alright
but i know it's fatal
and you know it's a lie
i should respect myself
and you should stop letting things by
.        stuck in a cycle of loathing you      .
.              and needing your company           .
.                i keep pushing you away             .
.             but i need you to love me          .
ᵍᶰᶤᵏᶰᶤʰᵗ ᵈʳᵃʷᵏᶜᵃᵇ
ʳᵃᶠ ˢᶤʰᵗ ᵉᵐ ᵗᵒᵍ
ᶰᵉᵉᵇ ʳᵉᵛᵉ ᵉᵛ'ᶤ ᵗˢᵉᶤˡᵉᶰᵒˡ
ᵗʳᵃᵉʰ ᵉʰᵗ ᵉᵛᵃʰ ʸˡᵉʳᵃᵇ
ᵉᵏᵒʲ ᵃ ᵏᶜᵃʳᶜ ᵒᵗ
ᵉˡᶤᵐˢ ʸˡˡᵃᵉʳ ʳᵒ
ʰᵍᵘᵃˡ ᶠˡᵉˢʸᵐ ᵈʳᵃᵉʰ ᵗ'ᶰᵉᵛᵃʰ
ᵉˡᶤʰʷ ᵈᵒᵒᵍ ᵃ ᶰᶤ
this kind of refers to how people can sometimes feel like they have everything but nothing figured out at the same time. I always go about things in a different way and sometimes i feel like that makes me a better person, but how can that be when i can't even smile, but also why am i complaining when my "backward thinking got me this far"?
go to sleep
go to sleep
not one word
not a peep
ride the wave
out to sea
hear these words
feel their peace
you worked hard
now take release
it's not fair
to your body
don't p̷̧̢͈̤̥̤̀̄̈́͆̇̈́̾̂̈́͜ǘ̶̢̪̩̣̣͕̺́́̿̑̕͜͜ń̸̨̛̤̖͈̪̖̖̙͍̀͆͋̈́̏͘į̵̛͕̞̜͍͐̈́͠­̞̘͜s̵͔̦͉̳͇̝̼͒͑͊̀̋͒̽̚ḣ̴̡̢̨͚̺̮̖̘̑̊̆̿̋ her
for being weak
be kind this time

go to sleep

‎ ‎‎
searching for purpose
in places that make no sense
only reached out
cause you're ****** up again
only want me
cause i'm a safe option
love the version of me in your head
not who i actually am
projecting your esteem issues
to soothe insecurity
i want to help
but i'm not gonna let you decide for me
what you really want
isn't my company
you want acceptance and affection
that i can't give you comfortably
got here so fast
ain't that crazy
i can't even imagine

but when i take into account
how long i've been doing this
i feel like there should've been
this bigger reaction

but i'm here
with my hundredth poem online
and honestly i am not feeling all too much passion

tomorrow is a new day
for a new poem
a new feeling
a new attraction

can't put too much pressure
on myself
anxiety is my worst distraction

so let's go pen
one hundred one
and end this before it loses
baby boy
wasn't his fault
one day the pain
had to stop
started with a fist
ended with a knot
leaving us behind
in his absence perpetually lost
pretty ain't the word for you
you're like pavement on a summer day
soldering to the touch
the heat bending my vision in waves
got me running miles
because the mirage tricks my brain
could spend forever trying to close the gap
between me and that imaginary lake
i'm sitting here thinking about
what i actually have
and all too quickly realizing
that it's nothing
i have nothing
i am alone
but that's not how i wanted it
i just don't want to be a burden
and i mess every relationship up
i wish i knew what to do right now
because i'm scared
that will never get any better
i knew you a long time ago
before life got to us both
the sweetness of being close
the warmth of being known

but people grow apart
we still don't know who we are
not carrying the same hearts
goodbye is just as hard

as i remember it being
our belonging so fleeting
old wounds won't stop bleeding
it's what we get for dreaming
so deserving of love and happiness
just going about it all wrong
thinking people can make you feel better
there's more to achieve than a trauma bond
there's more to love about yourself
than the way you wish you were seen
hanging around people
who make you the opposite of what you wanna be
cause if all they can pay is lip service
they can't afford your company
peddling their *******
lies in abundancy
the worst of them all
being that you're hard to love
they should go find less
if they truly believe you're too much
was cold
was long
was full of new experiences
crying every day
not used to that kind of pain
i lost a friend
i lost many actually
but i lost someone i forgot to love
and it broke me
then i pushed away the people
who forgot to love me the way they should have

don't remember much
i shut down
i bled
i swelled
i burst

the same
and of course
i get locked in
i push myself harder than ever
then i meet someone
they hurt me
as per usual
and i meet somebody else

he wanted to speak to me
we grew close
i felt better

late night talks
no labels
but we have to be something more than friends
because friends don't speak to each other like this
there couldn't be another
i have his attention

she comes back i think
he distances
of course
as she is beautiful
and more manipulative
and they were meant for each other
i just didn't know it yet
he drifts

we don't speak
i am heartbroken over someone
who chose to let me go
and not even discuss it
we talk again but i can't forget how it felt
to be forgotten
people forget to love one another
we fall off again i think
not sure
a lot is fuzzy
he made it confusing
all i know is by the time

rolled around
we were over
and life burned out
lost two brothers
one to distance
one to methods
i don't prefer to discuss
it broke me
it all gets fuzzy again
i just remember screaming
and hurting
and not knowing what to do with the pain inside
pushing on
and doing what was expected of me
and oh
i graduated some time back
how funny the real milestones are forgotten

i meet him
he's new
he's something else
he's the best thing for me at the time
he tries
and that's more than anyone else could or would do for me
this helps

was chilly
we grew close
it hurt but
i think i've blocked all of that out

by this time i'm sure we argued
cause we did at some point
i was still hurting
and refused to trust him
i don't still to this day to be honest
but i just remember feeling too ugly to love
and that is a horrible way to feel
when you need someone the most

chills to the bone
empty holidays
of course there are things to make me happy
but i remember this time last year
and all the things that haunted me then
still haunting me now
bad friends
bad choices
people i cared for who misused my trust
and abandoned me for what
not much
march and april
i'm scared to grow up
and live another year
sometimes it only seems like
pain is the only thing waiting for me
empty highway
crowded mind
needed some space
went for a drive
music loud
on a quiet night
it's just how it is
getting used to life

but at what point do i acknowledge
how crazy things have gotten
how far do i let my thoughts roam
before i have to stop them
i wanna do the right thing
but there's not many options

broken white lines
boundaries i can cross
walls i couldn't climb
cliffs i fell off
know i'm going too fast
but it's too late to stop
running out of gas
in the middle of a thought

what's stopping me from crashing into
the next light pole i see
the universe already proved
no one cares what happens to me
if there's no redemption
what the point in suffering

no traffic this late
good to feel alone
i only feel comfortable crying
on my own
it's getting harder and harder
to focus on the road
i feel more in control
the faster i go

which seems kind of backwards
but it makes enough sense
i don't think i've felt okay
since i was a kid
but i'll pretend it's okay
so i don't lose my wits

brake seems to be broken
but i couldn't care less
always know i was gonna
end in a wreck
nobody is gonna
clean up my mess
honestly it feels like
it's all for the best

and i know it's wrong to think that way
but i'm tired of fighting the tide
tired of denying the way
i feel deep inside
i'm sorry but this is the truth
i tried to hide

wheel starts slipping
struggling to care
losing my grip
high beams glare
into the void of night
life isn't fair
no destination
i'll let them wonder where
i stubbed my toe
and scraped my knee
momma i'm scared
cause bad things always come in threes
i forgot about the meeting
and i lost my keys
momma i'm scared
cause bad things always come in threes
i lost a friend
and my love doesn't love me
momma i'm scared
cause bad things always come in threes
everything has changed
everyone took their chance to leave
but momma i'm scared
cause bad things always come in threes
right now
i feel stupid
you were someone else before
and all i see now is this
of mistakes and accidents
and things done on purpose
for self gratification
or recognition
that feeling of eyes
can drive a person mad
all of the time
i spent worrying
about how MY actions could affect YOU
just to feel like
you never thought of mine at all
to love is to remember
and you didn't even forget
you just didn't learn me in the first place
able bodied creature
dreamy eyed figure
gazing hopelessly, intimately
just kissing, loving mindlessly
never omitting passion
quiet reaction, satisfaction
truly unnerving
very worried
I forgot x?
the answer is no
don't fight hate
grit your teeth
smile through the pain
ignore all the ugly
things they have to say
be kind behind backs
and polite to their face

hurting others
won't heal your wounds
so let the cycle
end with you
don't perpetuate
the abuse
be better than
what they could push you to
touch starved
we all are
a sad lonely truth

for something
maybe its you

just one bite
please oblige
my sweet tooth
want it now
in my mouth
the appeal of the forbidden fruit (i didnt like the original ending but here it is....)
this loneliness is eating at me
i crave human touch
cravings and all, with all of these liars
alone will have to be enough
cold air bites at me
if i stay out here i'm going to freeze
but i can't be sure of what i've seen
i tread to the center carefully

as i arrive
through the ice
i see those eyes
frozen in suprise

now i wanna head back
but its too late for that
the lake has set her trap
the ice begins to crack

i don't try to escape
too late to be saved
should've walked away
from a familiar face
what you did
was not that bad
in fact i've mostly
gotten over that
what bothers me now
is that you don't regret
what you did
and what you said
you say you had no choice
that you were sick of the games
but i didn't start them
and i never intended to play
you ****** me in
and now here we are
i am so frustrated with you
i don't know where to start
how dare you blame me
for trying to be more considerate of you
even if i can't stand that you chose her
i force myself to be respectful to
her and have small talk
now look where it got me
hard lessons are the easiest to remember
both of you are toxic
but even after that
i still could find some heart for forgiveness
even through all of the pain i've been dealt
and the lies that i've witnessed
but i need you to accept
the fact you're in the wrong
stop playing games
i'm not someone you can string along
i am hurt you won't apologize
you just keep shifting the blame
everytime you hurt my feelings
you avoid the topic like it's the plague
you can sympathize and be there for me
but the second that things get hard
you distance yourself until i come back
you never fight or apologize to win my heart
and you basically ignore how i feel
why don't i matter
stop pushing things aside
and dealing with them never after
stop being a pushover
stop being so stupid
i was almost about to give in again
but i really just can't do it
this time you will be the one who's sorry
you will come back to me
otherwise this is goodbye
i'm tired of accommodating
Sometimes I look up
And the sky is not there
I try to breathe
But there is no air
They’ve taken it away
Everything I have
Dimensional and Complex
Now shallow and flat
Deflated and lost

Hurt and confused
I put all of this
Trust in you
Why do you do this
Why do I try?
You never tell the truth
But you never really lie
So I can’t be mad
But I am not happy
Who would’ve known
I’d react this badly?

Why don’t you love me?
Why don’t you care?
I pull myself to pieces
I always compare
Myself to these girls
That you lust for and seek
I change myself countless times
So you will notice me

And when I pull back
You never understand
You want to make it better
But you’re the reason it got out of hand

And I want to hug you back
But I want to break you down
And I want to accept this for what it is
But I want to push you to the ground

I hate you
But I hate me more
I hate everything around me
But I can’t disappoint you like before

I have to stay happy
And kind and sweet
Even though these things you do
Stab and sting
And take all the will
And the patience I saved
For this avoided but imminent
Rainy day
I brought my umbrella
But the wind took it away with a gust
I want be honest
But don’t want to break trust
And I need for someone to love me
To fill up this hole
In my heart, In my purpose for living,
In my spirit and soul
I need someone to tell me
That I’m not ******* insane
Someone that sees things like me
Who gets the choices I make
And the ones that I don’t

I’m stuck in my mind
Let me out, PLEASE
Nothing heals better than time

Until it doesn’t
And it is useless
I am ******* stupid
I can’t do this

I’m a liar
You don’t know me
I’m a liar
But I am lonely
So please please please
Just hold me, hold me
So please, pretty please,
Just hold me closely
I’m cold and afraid
But you are so cozy
It’s burning, It’s burning
You’re hurting me, STOP
Why do you hurt me
Why do lie
Why are you turning
Into a monster
The tables are turning

Let me go
I don’t have to
let you do this
But I am stupid
I can not do this
I hold you closely
As you julienne my spine
Pulling the knives
out every time you leave
Just a canvas of
scars developed over time

But you don’t care
Or maybe you do
I’m lonely and scarred
I’m confused
Cause you do these things
That show you care
Then pull back or you lie
And our bond disappears
Then I can’t actually talk to you
And say what I mean
My stepmom is in the other room
So I’m holding back, but I just want to scream
I want to cry
And make you feel this way
Want to shake the sense into you
Make you understand this pain

Of being so close
Yet being held back so far
Of thinking you know who someone is
Just to find out who they really are

Why don’t you love me?
Why am I not enough?
I’ve given all I can
And I don’t think I’ll ever experience love

I can’t even touch another person
Without feeling disgusted
But I’m too nice or too in denial
To discuss it

But when touch finally meant something good
I learned it wasn’t special
While I might mean something to you
I am part of the several

I’m not unique
I am only another
Person in line
Why even bother
To entertain me
And my wishful thoughts
Unless you are evil
And my tears get you off

You are so stupid
Do you see what you’ve done?
What you said you would be
Versus what you’ve become
I keep trying to tell you
But the words get stuck
In the back of my throat
So silence will have to be enough
But you want substance so I pour out my heart
And you act like you comprehend
You wouldn’t just accept me because I am me
If you were my friend

I am so empty
I can’t imagine myself
In a place of acceptance
Can’t remember hoping for anything else

Stuck in a cycle of loathing you
And needing your company
I keep pushing you away
But I need you to love me

Love me
Tell me you love
I need to hear
How much you want
First priority
Second to
Push and pull
Till you see you’ve undone
Too afraid to accept what you’ve
So you don’t confront me
You lie, You pretend
Try to act like its

You made me fall, and now I’m crashing
And you just want to hug me?
You made me walk through fire
Just so you could put it bluntly
You let me burn all of those bridges
Even though you knew you weren’t running
You should’ve just killed me then
I hate when your lies punch me
And bruise me, And you stories hurt me,
and your  change of heart stuns me
I should’ve known better
That is why they judge me

You say they don’t matter
But you steady stay on their side
You always give them
A chance to prove they’re right
Listen to their reasons
And then throw the fight
Always putting me last
To make sure she doesn’t cry
Throwing me under the bus
Countless times
Acting like I did you wrong
Because I pointed out your lies
I can’t stand this anymore
So I’m sitting down and letting out a sigh
And taking all these hits
To keep you in my life
But would you go through this for me?
Am I even worthy in your eyes?
I must be nothing to you
Because you never see how you make me flat line

do you not see?
do you ever notice me?
can you tell when i can’t breathe
do you even understand
the capacity
of your actions and the way they control the world around me?
are you blind
or are you dense
common sense
i don’t understand
don’t comprehend
are you blind?
must i remind
you of all the times
i gave what i didn’t have
just to hear you call yourself mine
and then in the end
you take it all back
like i was the one who surprised
you with all this love ****
i waited to say it back
cause i didn’t want it to be a lie
your cloying lips just let it fall
into my hands
when “i love you” meant nothing at the time

so don’t hate me
i will try to do the same
but i can’t make any promises
i am in pain
i don’t want to hurt
but i want to see you cry as well
after all the tears i’ve wasted
and how much you’ve made me hate myself
please don’t hate me
i will never really mean this
without the thought of you to soothe me
my lonesome nights are dreamless
i could move a mountain
i could part the ocean
i could touch the sky
but i can't handle my emotions

i drown in loneliness
i run into problems head first
i fly away when i get scared
and somehow that makes it worse

because i can be magical
i can be a presence
but when you look at me
my resolve lessens

i forget what i am doing
i'll just hide myself in the shadows
praying you don't see me
camouflaged with bravado

i'm a natural
it just flows when i let it be
but i become an actress
when your in the vicinity
this is about being self-conscious around people who aren't your friends, but you have to be around them
i cant remember exactly what he did
but that does not make me a liar

i cant explain why i hurt myself
but that doesn't mean i like it

i'm so broken and hurt
and lost and tired

and for some reason that makes you
The title is when you step up and say how things "actually" are because actually...
they say don't smile in your mugshot
but i regret not a thing i did
people like him
deserve what they get
i didnt even mean to
but i'm not mad it happened
and if that's a sin
i think i could live with it
ah here i go again
losing another friend
i'd feel bad but i know
it's for my benefit

every tear i've cried
has accumulated over time
flooded with the feeling
to wash myself of the grime

of users and opportunists
how'd i let myself come to this
scrubbing away the dirt
only to reveal some nasty bruises

but those will heal eventually
i'll scar over mentally
i'll grow from this
go on to be who i'm meant to be

which is not the embodiment of this pain
not being sore or flawed or ashamed
i'm on my knees right now
but i'll stand tall one day
what did i ever do to
make you act so cold
i seriously need you to tell me
because i need to know
not listening to one another
opinions interfering
anger controlling your actions
ensuring you don't hear me
and what i struggle to believe
is that no matter how i try to get through
my loyalty and attempts
mean nothing to you
still working out the kinks
something isn't adding up
but then it all makes sense
i want to collapse into the moment
using the emotion to ascend
giving it time to develop
and when it reaches that sweet maturity
the syrupy feeling envelopes me
i find temporary refuge from insecurity
coughing up love and other byproducts
trying to decide how it all tastes
rumination and divination
your favorite place in my brain
i miss it too and it's only been hours
scared to want something i could lose
but sometimes the best we'll ever get is that simple
i am wound up and around you

i like it when it's calm like this
even though the silence only makes it easier to hear the things i wish i didn't
i never want it to change
this is it
what can i do
you stare at me
i stare at you
you look to me
for security
like i can make up
for your lack of maturity
like i can be
the adult in your life
how am i to micromanage yours
when i can't handle mine
this in debt feeling feels heavy
no turning back
bills and responsibilities
no more time to relax
scary to know childhood is over
that this is how it will be now
but i like being aware of the change
so i don't crash before i even leave the ground
hanging by a thread
should i just cut it off
running circles in my head
why not just stop
i wanted all the best
the cream of the crop
falling off the bed
getting my **** rocked
this is what i get
for not controlling my thoughts
wishes filled my head
up until it popped
dreams will **** you dead
if you allow them the shot
you got your high school friends
a dead end job
some dreams
and someone who doesn't love you
the way you need them to

when you could've had me

i'm not on top of the world
but i am trying to grow
and that's more than you can say
for your friends or yourself
i'm already someone else

remember when i told you to leave

because you wanted me to change
submit to your needs
while you never considered mine
you wanted both sides
bad decisions and good people in your life

i waited to hear you say sorry

for the longest time
and when you did apologize
it was just too late
i grew up and didn't need it
and i couldn't believe it

you only wanted company

because you've isolated yourself
with the choices you've made
no friends no lovers no hope
you pushed me too far away
and you're trying to turn back time to fix your mistake

but its done finally

and i hope you find true happiness
i wish this didn't have to happen like this
but it did
because you couldn't see my worth
had to lose me first

i can't help you find you when i need to worry about me
just a piece
just a nibble
to appease
the demon
inside of me
i'm more
than just a freak
than how often
i need to feed
i hope you
can see the me
that is
interested in you
not your amenities
everybody's got something to say
everybody's got someone to hate
if i don't agree
if i stand by me
i'm just in the way

everybody's got someone to know
everybody's got something to show
if i hide mine
from prying eyes
i'm asking to be alone

but what if i'm not
what if it's the exact opposite of what you thought
what if it's taken everything i've got
to move on
to be fine

but what if i stop
what if i see his name on my screen and drop
everything to be in the spot
next to him
and he lies
they never miss me
when i am gone
now that i'm dead
what could they possibly want
i'm losing all control
and it sure isn't pretty
why can't i keep
anybody with me
i don't hate you
i hate the waiting
i loathe the seconds
that add to the minutes
we're wasting

i'm filled with dread
when the tic turns to toc
anxiety consuming me
as i count down
eyes glued to the clock

so afraid of missing a moment
i get lost in the passing of time
instead of focusing on
our happiness
i'm eager to protect mine

just watching the numbers grow
as if they're some sort of proof
but those numbers don't mean
a god ****** thing
if they don't involve you
normally i wouldn't
but i guess
you beg for answers
so what if i fail your test
you're nothing to me
much less a threat
but i'll oblige
because i like ******* with your head

and so it goes

when she looked at me
she was everything but you
the most beautiful things
the most wanted in the room
and i knew i wanted her
before we even spoke
is that it
or is there more you wanted to know

cause i could go

on and on and set the scene
lingerie between teeth
hanging breaths and muffled screams
almost like some kind of dream
my words put you in the room
you asked for this didnt you
i know its wrong but i'm amused
you look pathetic and awfully confused
oh you thought i meant what whispered
i love you under your skin like blisters
i preferred your sister
she was a much better kisser

anyways..... so...

sleep well now and goodnight?
this was fun but now its time
because when you cry
it kills the vibe
so have a nice life?
or don't and wish to die
either way i'll be fine
your happiness would be cool
but i only care about mine
i tried writing from a weird perspective of just a complete utter ******..... idk about this but we gon roll with it
i wrote an email
what did it do
it'll sit in an inbox
maybe just take up room
but i wanna do something
i wanna be loud
when i see something that wrong
i can't black it out

can't **** my teeth
and just go along
sometimes i smile at their faces
when i know it's wrong
cause i'm afraid to get
berated and pushed up on
it's nothing in comparison
i'm ashamed i'm not strong

but i know little boys shouldn't be scared
to play in the street
or go for a run
whenever they please
the things we are born with
things we can't change
the color God gave us
the skin we wear each day

shouldn't be so shameful
or be a source of so much pain
how do people
harbor so much rage
i could never understand
the hate in their heart
they see a little boy
as a threat cause he's dark

makes no **** sense
they lies to themselves
lose a little more faith in humanity
with each bullet shell
behind my closed eyelids
i see him facing the sky
he couldn't be staring at it
he isn't alive
call me sick cause i want it
might be a kick to the stomach
but what's living if i don't live free

dreams die quick, a dime a dozen
but i don't wanna kick the bucket
without seeing what this could be

cut the **** and make it public
know that it all seems so sudden
but i'm just dying for you to stick by me
praying to a god
i'm not sure exists
asking for the answers
to the questions that persist
because i know what it means
to feel like i cant be fixed
like regardless of how hard i try
something's amiss
what did i do to
deserve all of this
i know that i am strong
but i am tired of proving it
would give anything
to not be alone right now
all i have to feel
my feet on the ground
im floating away
from the things i want to love
dragged away by the feeling
that i'll never be enough
to be the kind of person
that i wanna be
have any good things
happen to me
i just want one good thing
and i'll never let it go
one good thing
and i won't be afraid to float
i just realized the reason
i am afraid to be loud
is because i feel like
no one wants to hear the things i say
that most just wanna leave
and are waiting till the moment's right

but i'm stubborn
and i still shout
i make myself known
and when people leave
i stare at their backs
and tell myself i told you so
they say you deserve love
even if you've experienced trauma
and react in horrid ways because of it
i'm sorry that it's hard to believe anyone would love me
after all that i've been through
and even now that's still how i feel
i will never be someone's favorite person
or first choice
or second
or third
unless i've got something to give
i'm a last resort
don't tell me that's not true
because you do it too
don't tell me to feel better
and think it'll work just because you said so
your words mean so much
and so little at the same time
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