In a spur of curiosity, I read about Vincent Van Gogh
His life, death, and all that lay between
And in stumbling upon the knowledge of my sudden interest
I see that his last words were,

"This sadness will last forever."

The ache of them resonates all too well and
an overwhelming sensation of familiarity fills the cavity of my chest

I think about all the things that could of been said and
decide none of them would probably be sufficient to save him
But I still mourn the unspoken

If only I had the chance to tell him
No, it won't

If only I knew him to say
No, it doesn't

This sadness is not permanent, I promise
Yes it remains,
Yes it is still there always, living comfortably in the shadows of our figures
But you learn to see past it
I wish I could tell him that permanence does not exist
That it is an idea man-made
And we are simply living for today

It's funny, how someone who created so much beauty could not find any in himself
In painting a future, ending seemed more promising than hope
So in that wheat field his chest kissed the bullet of a relvover
And he walked patiently towards death

Van Gogh,
Didn't anybody tell you it gets better?
Didn't anyone say that even if it doesn't, you can?

Van Gogh,
Don't you know that nothing lasts forever?
That we are merely existing to make it to tomorrow?

Vincent,
I know this world can be cruel
I know that eventually flowers turn to dust and the sky turns black at dusk but even you could see stars in darkness
You made an entire galaxy out of the night and we are still finding ways to admire its beauty

Vincent,
I know the sun can be harsh some days
I know the air can be too cold for motivation on others
I know sometimes getting out of bed can be a battle with yourself, seeming impossible
I know how it feels to be heavy with the weight of too much
And I am sorry that you couldn't bare it all

But this sadness wasn't made to last forever
Flowers will regrow and bloom again even brighter than before
The moon still shines against a dim canvas
Winter is only temporary and the gloom will pass when the seasons change
Before you know it spring will be here

I wish you could have stayed to see it come,
It is the only certainty in this eternity.

you
threw me into the waves
and made me thank you
for pulling me out
before i drowned.

it follows me during the day
quietly resting in the morning
slowly awaking in the afternoon

i take a pill at noon
it takes a nap again

but by the evening
my thoughts are scrambled
my fingertips raw
bleeding from the edges

preoccupied with my thoughts
distant and out of touch

i escape to be alone
but i find myself alone
with the four corners of my mind
and i escape again
to my friends
to my work
to my safe places

but i always find myself alone
with the four corners of my mind

where do i run to now

Whispers bounce around the room
One whisper after the next
Trapped between four walls for a lifetime

Whispers of things that have happened
Shameful things, that can only be spoken in hushed voices

Years pass and the whispers accumulate
like dirt in some old abandon home
One whisper atop another
Until it's too much

And all those small, quiet whispers
Have turned into loud shouts, screams
And pleas to be let out

But they can't be free'd
Because every hushed voice
Every thoughtless, shameful whisper
Would be let out with a scream for the world to hear

And some things are better left unheard
Some things are better left in the dark,
to bounce around through time
Quietly
Where not a soul can hear.