The human heart has the loudest language imaginable
It's entirely universal
Yet also frighteningly individualistic
There's nothing that sounds worse
Than a heartbreak
It's messy and silent
With forced screams and (un)shed wails
It sounds like a body hitting the ground
After diving off the Empire State Building
It feels like death
And in some ways it is
Heart aches remind us we're living
With faint pangs of memories
After the heart break
It's the aftershock of a human made earthquake
It rocks your world
And brings tears to the eyes
Sometimes it's worse than a heartbreak
Because it's the resurfacing
Redamaging
Of those memories and that pain
Heart yearns are so natural
And caused by something
Simple as a crush
And complex as real as true
Earnest and genuine love
There's nothing more pure
Than a heart yearn
It's hope and light
Dashed with brilliancy and fear
Because there is nothing more exhilarating
Than the unknown endeavors of a heart

You are such a twelve year old boy
With such classy humor
You don't even say what your joke is
You just put asterisks
And leave me hanging
What the hell man?
I wanna be a twelve year old boy too
You ****
Lol * ***** joke * lol
Dork

Dreams cannot be the sole foundation
For everything
Dreams can be the starting point
But a foundation of dreams
Is almost as bad as a
A foundation composed by
A web of lies
Like lies
Dreams often fall through
True sometimes dreams are enough
But you have to use common sense
And hard work
To build a house to store your dream
Foundation

Many of the greatest things
I've encountered in my life
Start with my philosophy
Five seconds of brave
Sometimes there's a second of
Oh ****
That follows from crippling fear
But those five seconds
Are all it takes to change things
My greatest friends come from this philosophy
My greatest accomplishments
Are direct results of courage
We can't walk through life in terror
Carpe diem
Seize the day
Take every opportunity to change for the better
And never let fear stop you
Because it only takes five seconds
Five seconds of brave
With maybe a single second of
Oh **** to follow
But never to regret

Recently I've been told
How great I look
How I've put on a bit of weight
How my eyes don't sag
With rings of sleepless nights
How I look brighter
Happier
"Wow you look great"
That's because I'm fueled by emotion
Driven by heart
I'm learning that I can't
Fixate on the crippling past
And hunny I'm back in action
I'm ready to take life in my hands
And build
Not destroy
So thanks for noticing that
Wow
I do look great

I'm bubbly and elated
Filled to the brim with
Oogaboogalia
And frothing over with
Eeeeeek
I'm practically five
Bing **** Bing ****
I'm in a rocket ship shaped
Roller coaster that only goes up
This time I am genuinely
Happy
Believe me

On my side of the bed
Is a broken picture frame
From when I got a little too drunk
And you ****** me off
A CD and brand new journal
With a pack of unused pens
Waiting for inspiration
There are articles about the storm
That stole you from me
The sheets are torn and tangled
From many sleepless nights
The lamp with a broken shade
You said had character
And an unopened roll of Smarties
Because maybe
If I can make them pants you'll come back
But worst of all are the jars and jars
Of pennies hiding under the bedframe
For every kiss I wish I could give

And thought about it for a long hard minute
Back to the block it goes
Another small victory

Adorably gagworthy
Because nothing is worse than
Cutesy talking over each other to
Depict your date of face battles
Extended past curfew and
Frightened of losing the other
Granted neither is going anywhere
Heaven made match through twists of fate
Integrating both into my
Justifiably insane life
Keeping me on my tip toes
Leaping forward to catch them both before they
Meet the hellhole of
Never ending fear that
Openly acts as a factor of the
Purity and
Quite
Raucous realness of their
Story book love tale
Tracing the pathways paved by
Unanimously loved romantic comedies
Verifying the necessity of this
Wacky wubulous
Xenial relationship that has been
Years in the making and will stand longer than
Zion

Little boys and little girls
Grow in to bigger boys and bigger girls
They get thrown into a never ending
Cage match
Fighting against peer pressure
Status quos
False idols
Impossible images
And it doesn't matter how old they get
Once they've been bit
The depression bug lives
A parasitic relationship
She's feeling down on her luck
Sees the case of her father's guns
And thinks to herself
I can end it all here,
I can stop all this pain
He's feeling invincible at 160
Miles per hour
He had a **** day and wants to forget
He keeps thinking
"This is it boys,
My big finish"
They always want to go with a bang
Make an impact
Make sure they cannot survive
She unlocks the case
He adds more pressure
She loads the chamber
He grips the column
She pulls the trigger
He hits the tree line
It's not a warning
When you commit the deed
But everything before hand can't always be seen
There's nothing worse
Than drowning on your own thoughts
That can change at the flick of a wrist

There was a man filled with youth
And sparked by love
For a lovely lass down the way
Every morn he would greet her
To receive an arrogant smirk
He was a man of few possessions
She was a materialistic princess
Her head was filled with things
Not thoughts
One evening while strolling through the park
The man watched his coveted lass sob
She glanced skyward and pleaded
"I've everything else in this world
But a man and the moon,
Please fulfill my wish"
The man went to the edge of the town
Lumber and hammer in tow
To build a house using only the
Few beams and the moon
He built a frame and slowly coerced
The moon from the sky
Lies poured from his beestung lips like honey
Enticing la lune from the heavens
He fabricated earthly felicities
And the moon began to believe
A celestial being had no place reflecting
Or preventing what simply must be
After building his house with moon and wood
He was a much older age
But never did he lose his sight of the lass
Who fired well with time weathering
He showed her the clump of moon shine in a jar
And asked for her hand in marriage
On the eve of their wedding
The sun blazed and flared
For the sky was empty at night now
The sun missed its companion
And struck down the lass
Then set and allowed the man contemplation
He rocked in the moon rocker made for his
Late bride to be
And stayed there till the morning sun
Used rays like bullets from a gun
To strike the man to death to
Before the building of the house
The moon was craterless
The sun was hot though and burned his dear friend
Embedding her with the face of her destroyer
This is the story of the
Man in the moon

I'm the front page trainwreck
You can't help but stare
You know there's little hope of survival
But you can't help but to hope
That somewhere I'm still breathing

You're a front page trainwreck
I wish I was there
Piecing together where it went wrong
And loving every beautiful flaw
That makes you

We are front page train wrecks
Beautifully crashed together
On the same tracks
Head on collision
On the Reality Railroad

Don't you believe me through
My sardonic smiles
My glistening eyes can lie too
I am happy ******
Stop telling me I'm not
Because last I checked
You're not the boss

In.                                                   A
Land.                                              Of
Peculiarities.                       Perhaps
I might be able to usurp the king of
All negativity and wear his poison
Crown upon my head of sadness
Which conjures up scenarios no one
Should face alone but I allow myself
To do so anyway, but can you truly
Ever usurp yourself, ruler of the throne?

After all the rage is run dry
And the rockets are set aside
The girl's not coming home
She ran water back and forth
'Cross the great lands on battlefield
She's seen horrors
That put grown men to sleep
She's nursed wounds that endlessly seep
But after the war out here
The girl's not coming home
She's not stopping or slowing
She's going to make a break for it
Because no amount of hellfire
Compares to what goes on
Behind domestically closed doors
The girl's not coming home
She's no valuables worth dropping in for
Because as soon as she enters
The threshold of the front door
It's another go round of fate worse death
And ****** all because
The girl's not coming home
She's learned from that mistake
Sometimes the one you marry
Isn't the one you loved all those years ago
Before **** went south and he backhanded your mouth
When the bottle made him rough
And you don't wanna play
Darling
The girl's not coming home
One time too many 'round that track
Lucky she has no kids
She'd leave them just the same
It ain't no way to live
In the twenty-firsf century
So everyone
The girl's not coming home

You sick twisted foolish
Man child that can hardly have emotion
You may haunt my mind
But you can't be he cause I ice my heart
You're a lost boy
With no place to call home
The past is a memory
A ghost
But because of you
It's a banshee
I can't live much longer in this state
Because everywhere I go
You follow me there
Just because your father
Is an abusive piece of work
Doesn't mean you have to be
Maybe you don't realize
What it is you do to girls like me
Girls like Mo
Girls like Em
All us mentally unstable due to rough situations
But you put us through hell
And never just once
I loved you
Past tense
Maybe present
Possibly future if you were to change
But you destroyed my entire being
Girls like us need build me ups
Not abuse me down
Maybe you don't recognize this form of abuse
Because it isn't the kind your father exhibited
But it hurts just as much
If not more
Abuse is still abuse
You told me time after time
You'd do anything to not be your father
But here you are on this abusive path
You asked me once if
When we were married
I'd let you shoot your gun in the house
And you begged me to say no
But I told you
If you aim that gun at me
Or my kids I'll ******* leave
Because no way in hell would
I put with that nonsense
Yet here I still am
Standing by while you
Unknowingly abuse me

Unless you're prepared for hurricanes
Tsunamis and any apocalypses
Because darling
I'll make those look like
Child's play

We're emotional hard hitters
We'll knock you out of the park
We bleed words
And breathe rhythm
Our hearts pulse rapidly
And we're sure to write a poem
Or collection of poems
Just for you
We will tear apart the world for you
We will paint you the universe
But when it's over
We'll cry rivers of ink
And bleed puddles of tears
Because there's no greater love
Than that of a poet

You would be standing here
Laying here beside me
Making sure I have enough blanket
Making sure the windows are cracked
If you loved me
You would be butterfly kissing my nose
Holding me in your muscular arms
Praying my illnesses would go away
If you loved me
You wouldn't have left

I breathe in hatred
I bleed out love
Welcome home

Does the memory of me
Leave a new hot brand
Every time you hear those songs
Does the wind smell like my
Perfume mixed with smarties
Do you get an ulcer
Thinking about how I'm doing
And who I might be with
Does bile burn your throat
Whenever you drive by
Those places we loved
Does your heart break
Whenever you read that
December letter I wrote
Does your soul beg
Each time you see an angry "kid"
Ready to destroy the world
Does your mind spin
When you remember the facade
And the penny game
Tell me, *****,
Does it hurt yet

It's almost 3 am
I'm not the least bit tired
I was a sloppy ball of depression
When 10 pm rolled in
We've been corresponding since
It's weird
And before you think anything otherwise
Strictly platonic
But **** if I don't feel better
From five hourrs of talk

I'm going to start
Tossing your bags into the streets
Each time your memory burns
I'm going light up
And toss one back
Every time I think your name
I'm ready to put a boot
In your ***
My dear friend, Toby,
The one that you hate,
Told me it's the American way
So are you leaving yet?
Because if not
I'll file for restraint
Leave me alone
Otherwise, like Earl,
You'll have to die
Seeing as how emotional abuse
Ain't no way to treat a lady
You claim to love

Said the Ceiling Fan to the Dark Room,
"Where is it you go
When the world awakens?"

"I search for myself
In oblivion,"
Whispered the Dark Room

The Ceiling Fan thought this peculiar
"Dark Room," began Ceiling Fan
"What is oblivion?"

The Dark Room giggled,
Forgetting Ceiling Fan's youth
"Oblivion, sweet child, is
Unknown and terrifyingly
Brilliant"

Mimicking Rabbits and Skin Horses
Ceiling Fan questions
The possible pain

Dark Room replies softly
"Only sometimes"

Yessiree I did I did
My fingers pressed the buttons
2
5
3
My throat became sandpaper
My stomach felt
That Palmer Lake queasy
5
1
4
Cancel
Because I'm strong sometimes too

I am a library book
Dog eared and worn
Quite a few pages spilled on
Torn
I sit in the bottom of a book bag
Overdue
Waiting for you to remember
You haven't yet returned me
The fines are a mile long
You started to read
But the blurb was misleading
You forgot that you ever checked me out
And so much damage has been done
What with you tossing in other books
Spilling chips
Folding my pages
Leaking ink
Darlin' you deserve to have
Your library card revoked

There's a reason we all
Have given you this title

Congratulations,
For you have been chosen
As ******* of the millenia

Bailey and Mathew
And Stephanie then Jack
Melissa
Aerrow and Anna
Olivia and Stasi
Isabel and Evan
You all care
You all ask
You all check
I'm sorry I scare you
I'm having a bad down
I mean it
A major downer
Worse than any acid trip could provide
I'm not slitting
And I don't intend to
I think I'm done with that
I think I'm clean
I'm sorry I cause you to worry
I'm sorry I'm that friend
But thats how it is
I'm in the midst of a relapse
But I'll find my footing
Once September ends
Hopefully before
But we never know
I'm sorry to make
All y'all's concerned

I'm broken
Not bent
I need to remove all this awful
That weighs down on my soul
I'm skeptical
For all the right reasons
But I'm at a new low
Beyond suicidal thoughts
I know that will solve nothing
I've reached the ultimate zero
And I'm ******* dying
I'm starved for love and validation
I'm told I don't need
I'm hurting so much
I'm yearning for someone to hold me
And I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep
Making kittens suicidal
Heaving silent wails
And desperate cries for help in
The never ending wavepool
Of life that doesn't hear the weak
And emotionally disabled
Beg for equality
And plead for
Love
So God if You're listening
Please ease all this hate
Breeze away all this pain
Because I've been hurting
For ten long lonely years
And I need some validation
Right about now

Hey hey hey everybody
I'm here by special request
I'm a no good shitastic mess
Thrown under the bus
Kicked to the curb
Just as I deserve
I'm not worth the love I desperately crave
Sure as hell not worth the love that you gave
I'm a ***** up and a mistake
Not worth making
I'm a horrifying risk worth not taking
I'm a regret unworthy of faking
I'm so down on myself
Like a homeless puppy
Kicked and abused
Half tail
One ear
Broken ribs
With little hope
Maybe one day someone
Will take me home to love gingerly
Maybe
But not very likely

if you looked in my window
you'd see a shattered girl crying
you'd see a broken dream dying
if you saw in that shattered girl crying
you'd see a heartbroken past
you'd see an approaching darkness fast
if you saw in that dream dying
you'd see a thunder storm wail
you'd see a shattered girl pale
if you looked in my window
you'd see memories haunting
you'd see dead hopes taunting
if you stared at the memories haunting
you'd understand why life is scary
you'd understand a sliver of burdens i carry
if you stared at dead hopes taunting
you'd understand my fear
you'd understand why i can't live here
if you looked in my window
you'd see nothing
you'd see running
if you wondered about the nothing
you'd find horrors all your own
you'd find yourself dethroned
if you wondered about the running
you'd find the real reason
you'd find yourself charged with treason

I'm a broken mess
Piece me together
I'm taken out of context
Piece me together
I need compassion to breathe
Piece me together
I need a hand to see
Piece me together
I'm sloppy and I'm unwhole
Piece me together
I'm jaded and I am unsold
Piece me together
I can't comprehend half the **** people do
Piece me together
I can't understand the thought of living without you
Piece me together
I'm begging for you to
Piece me together
But you're the one who
Broke me
Piece me together

To love her big fat piggy heart
It's almost impossible not to actually
She's so filled with life
And no regret
I sure love her
With my little igloo penguin heart

Why are you so hateful
Of something you are to them
I don't care that they are different
Why do you?
One person is just that
A person
You cannot judge them
And persecute them
For an entire stereotype
Not everyone epitomizes
What the world has shaped them
To be thought of

Strangers are just new chapters
You've haven't chosen to write yet
They could become friends
Or family
Or loves
They could be filled with promise
And hope
And happiness
They are adventures with souls
And heartwarming--
Sometimes heartbreaking--
Stories and lives
So why not risk it
There's no reason
To be afraid

Altruistic soul filled to the
Brim with bravery and
Courage that never halts and a
Drive that never dies
Elaborate and elegant in everything I do
Feeling every emotion to its strongest
Grade of real
Healing my once misshapen soul
Into a whole, not needing to
Justify my ways, be they
Kind or crazy because I
Love, it's what I'm good at
Mirroring the footsteps of great writers and
Never following the path then
Owning my fate and my faith
Pleasing myself above others
Questioning when necessary
Remembering where I am from then
Stepping into new and different
Thresholds that are
Unable to faze me, especially as I
Violently throw out my vicious cycle
Without wavering back to my old ways, using some sort of
Xylene to immortalize my past as a
Yellow reminder and stain, pushing me in
Zigs zags to be who I aim to be

This is the dream
That creates me

Agnostic girl full of
Belief in the mirror I
Create behind closed
Doors that open wide when I
Emerge into the terrifying world
Faking so much, so often
Grieving the fear that consumes me
Holistically I am an actress
In a world full of pretenders
Jestering my pride and arrogance
Keeping an ounce of who I really am with
Love from my closest friend
Most nights I can't go to sleep without
Nodding along to the music with tears in my eyes
Opening and closing, so close to losing every
Particle of my true self who hides behind the façade of
Real tough girl, but really I'm just a
Scared little girl, seeking approval
Through abusive relationships that get me nowhere
Underestimating my worth
Vicariously living through those I help
Wondering when I'll stop pretending and wanting
Xanax to ease my mind and cure the never
Yielding ball of AGGH in my stomach reaching the
Zenith called my mouth for awful bile filled days

This is the reality
That creates me

Astonishingly crass and
Brave in all situations
Comfortable in all quandaries
Daring beyond belief
Elegant and poised
Furious and feisty, fueled by anger
Grand individuality with a
Heart of ice and hate
Irreverent and haughty
Jester of pride, sarcasm, and sass
King of bluntness
Lively, rambunctious spirit
Mastermind of
Neuroticism, never in
Oblivion because
Pressure cannot persuade me
Quick to speak out against the wrong for the
Right reasons but truly
Selfish motives
Tainting the
Ubiquitous notion that every altruistic attitude springs from
Very bubbly and confident people
Wandering through life with the Greek concept
Xenia exhibited on the sleeve
Yelling boisterous excitements that could a game
Zoning in on all the end goals

These are the misperceptions
That create me

Crazily, I fell heels over head for your
Unique state of mind, without knowing I'd
Never be able to cease loving you
T*o the ends of this hate filled world

First
You put on your best face
Because you are unprepared
To bear any flaws
That appear in your
Outer
Self, where you are sewn together
With a thin loosing thread
That once it breaks
Will reveal things
Inner
Because you've gained
Some form of confidence
Through compassion
And you know you shouldn't
But you expect it to
Last*
So the final goodbye hurts
Far more than it would've
Had you not gotten involved
To begin with

I can no longer distinguish
The blurred line between
Realism and pessimism
Because I've grown to be an
Idealistic pessimist with twinges of
Realistic thought