Oh, I hoped
I could be free from this,
but I suppose I knew better.

The ache in my chest,
the crashing in my ears,
my vision full of blue,

so much blue

Oh, I hoped
I wouldn't have to swim,
reaching and kicking

Hoping to keep my fingers
to the cool air above,
a reminder that I have a chance

This ocean isn't one
you can simply see,
but it's so real,

so painfully real

to me.

i just wanted you to know
that I've been reading your poems
your stories
your heart
and I too
bleed for these words
like you
and I hope
you read mine too
when your heart
seek for words

I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure  
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay

It flies amongst the stars.
Flashes for a moment.
Despite the left scars.
Holds a place close, yet far.

It carries the fallen.
From mistaken paths.
To reaches impossible.
And develops new plans.

It creates new countries.
Raises dead soldiers.
Stamps unsung heroes.
With a feeling of free.

Hear its silent sound.
Open up your eyes.
Place it in your heart.
Elevate from the ground.

It helps us climb.
Better than rope.
Do you see its shape?
It is hope.

Feeling selfish
For resting
Councillor says
Your selfish for not resting
Delagate
Dump
Do another day
Don't bother
4 kids to mother
Pain makes you nasty
Irritable emotional
irrational
Horrible
Meds make you *****
Clumsy dangerous to drive
Rest is all I have
too be my best
Thinking the 4 Ds
Is how I role
Banish these feelings of guilt
I rest
To be my best .

The room was in darkness
Save for the solitary shard of light
Shining directly onto that point on the wall
The blood had dried in long back
If the room could speak
There would be screams
The chains still hung on the wall
Frozen in time
A timely reminder
To the events of that day
She touched them
Just to understand
Why
She expected the feel of cold metal
Instead, a strange heat surged through her body
Compelling her into the chains
Tightly binding her against the wall
Trapped, she waited
He was watching her
Listening as her heart pounded in fear
Just the beginning
She thought she was screaming
As the blood entered her mouth, slowly
Forcing her eyes to scream
Her mind now drowning in panic
As life began to fade
He watched her, fascinated as she entered the next phase
The journey into the afterlife
Just like the others
The room was in darkness
Save for the solitary shard of light
Shining directly onto that point on the wall.

The final piece of makeup
She becomes the woman
No kiss on those ruby lips
All for show
Let’s not spoil the glow
For the woman on the go
Competing with Miss high heels
Not forgetting ***** *****
The other one who loves herself
Women in general
Checks the mirror for the approval seal
She’s hot
The real deal
Turns and asks
How do i look
I don’t know
I left you years ago.

I think it was yesterday
Sure she said it was
She’d known about it for weeks
Yesterday was the right time to bring it up
It started months ago
Things were difficult back then
I can’t remember the exact day
Back then
But why would i
You don’t look back, do you
I mean, you don’t think to yourself
Last month i started an affair
People don’t do that
They might say
Last month i ended the affair
It was really about a year earlier
We got talking
Just about past relationships
I mean, you don’t think for a minute
You’re actually entering into a past relationship
But in hindsight maybe you should
It’s been a month since we split up
Looking back
I can see where it all went wrong
But that was yesterday
No point looking back now.