Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Heather Rose Dec 2014
You call this a family?
When everything is filled with turmoil.
I feel as though I have to walk on eggshells so I don't say the wrong thing and make this family go against me.
I feel this constant burden and I don't know how to escape it.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know what it right.
When you guys go against everything that I believe in.
I just don't know what a family is anymore.
  Dec 2014 Heather Rose
Just Melz
I fell asleep
      with you
    on my mind
I woke up
And you
      were still there



**When's this gonna end?
Heather Rose Dec 2014
You call this love when you would make me feel like I was nothing?
Make me feel like I wasn't good enough?
Twisted things around to make it seem like I was the bad guy in any situation?
Why in the **** would you always do that to me?
I know that you knew exactly what you were doing
But regardless, you would continue to hurt me
But no matter what you were always sorry
I don't believe that for a minute
I used to think that maybe you were treating me the way you did because you didn't know how to love someone without saying or doing the wrong thing
Now I know it's because you are a *******
You made me feel like I was nothing
You would call me fat or say things to make me feel like I wasn't pretty enough
You shot my self-esteem so far down, it's hard to repair it
I don't even know where to start
I spent countless hours just lying in bed wishing this would all end
Wishing that some miracle would happen and you would stop the mental and verbal abuse that you would cause me every ******* day we were together
You always promised that you would never be like the rest of the guys I have ever dated, but that was a lie
You lied to me so much that I don't if any of the things you told me were true
You would tell me that you loved me, but you don't know what love is
Love is about accepting a person for who they are and loving them with no limits and not wanting to ever lose them
You did none of those things
Yes, we all have our flaws
But, you sure did know how to pick mine out
I wasn't skinny enough for you
You would say things like
"Oh, you're eating that?" "How can you be hungry right now?" "****, your stomach is looking pretty big today." "That bulge is pretty noticeable." "Should you really be wearing that? It's not that flattering."
Things like that crush me, and you knew that.
Why would you treat me like that?
You call this love?
I call that abuse
  Dec 2014 Heather Rose
its not julia
maybe i like the way he makes me feel wanted and worthless at the same time. maybe i like the way he breaks my heart but stitches it back together with his kisses. maybe i like the way he never calls me beautiful, but the way he looks at me when i enter the room sends chills down my spine letting me know he thinks so. maybe i like the way he sends me home crying until 4 in the morning and texts me telling me he loves me two hours later. and maybe, just maybe i like the way he hurts me. maybe i put up with all of this because i'm just too scared to loose him.
i'm not sure if i love him or i'm just too scared to loose him
Heather Rose Dec 2014
I can't handle this **** anymore
Constant worrying
Am I good enough?
Do I look okay?
I used to be the type that didn't care what people would think
But now I can't escape it
I used to hide my flaws and imperfections
Now it seems like that is all I have left
Flaws and Imperfections
Nothing ever seems to go right for me anymore
It's like a constant battle to keep on living
I don't know how much more of this **** I can take before I just break
No one seems to notice what I'm going through
Struggling each and everyday to get out of bed
Always wondering if I should be dead
I don't think anyone would even notice if I were to just disappear
Hell, they may even do a little cheer
Like "Yay, the girl with no self-esteem finally left"
"Now I don't have to carry this burden around on my chest"
They won't have to wonder if I'm having a "bad" day
Or if I even want to stay
Stay alive or stay hidden
Those thoughts are forbidden
No one cares how you feel
They just care about what is "real"
No one will notice if you leave this place and never come back
The only thing they'll care about is all the people who will talk smack
They'll talk about how they loved you so much
And offered you help, but you wouldn't take it
No one will even stop to think about how bad you were hurting
All the pain you felt
All the stress that kept building up
No one will stop and think to themselves "Was there something I could have done to make this all 'better'?"
They'll think about the "good" times that you all had together
But it will be too late
You will already be gone
So I sit here and think to myself
"How much more of this can I handle before I break?"
And my answer is -
I can't handle this..
#stress #anxiety #loneliness #depression #sadness
Heather Rose Dec 2014
Life is a big ***** up. People tell you that you're going to go somewhere in life, but you don't.
You can't escape the box that's, that's trapping you inside because you there's no escaping. You know you're trapped for life.
You know when people say to you "everything is going to be okay" well, you have just been told a lie. Because you know when you're put inside that box, you're not escaping.
There's no way out of being trapped. You're stuck there for the rest of your life. You're afraid to sleep, you know that if close your eyes, the flashback starts.
When they send you food, you hurry up and eat it, you eat it so fast before they change their minds.
Then finally, you hear the car start up, and turn out of the driveway.
You're all done, no one is there to tell you what to do, you fall asleep, but only for a second, then you wake up.
You finally realized that you are free, you are no longer trapped.
Next page