I breathe you in slowly, attempting to grasp this moment to its fullest extent.
Your skin smells like home, and you know that I know,
I don’t ever want it to end.
Your eyes say that you’re in love, and your smile says it too,
And when your glance meets mine, I know that the feeling is true.
You are sad and you’re scared and you can’t understand,
That I am too.
But when our worlds collide and your eyes meet mine,
You won’t want it to end.
Your voice is like heaven your heart is like mine,
Beating faster and faster as my hand passes by.
And the hours turn to minutes and your face meets mine,
And you understand we don’t want this to end.
Our bodies connect and suddenly we are complex,
Figures just balanced in time.
And when the end is the end,
And your thoughts suspend,
Understand that you’ll always be mine.
Your heart is a cave I have buried myself in, and darling,
I don’t want this to end.

The warm water feels hot on my cold hands as I rush to erase the memories of the day behind me.
I can try and forget time by doing such mindless tasks, but when I look in the mirror I am reminded of my life,
And how this face is stuck with me for eternity.
Will I still like myself when my skin is no longer vibrant and youthful?
Because I see smile marks beginning to form and I am displeased.
Will I still walk through this town 30 years from now and understand my ever growing anxieties?
Or will I reflect and shake my head at how utterly idiotic I was?
Only time will tell and at the moment I can't decide if that's comforting or terrifying.
These places have seen my mistakes and regrets and my moments of bittersweet happiness
And I wonder if they will continue to remember my legacy.
We will all be forgotten and life is a lost cause,
But if I learn to accept this maybe I won't be so bitter.
However, to become content with such a thought is something I don't think I can ever be.

People are naive and simple and I feel as though I am complex and unreachable.
If you were a field of daisies I'd be the ****,
Criticizing you all and feeling complete envy.
For you all dance through life's wind like it's beautiful and kind,
While I shiver in the dark and forever pray for some spec of light.
A tree has grown beside me and I have become so cold,
Making warm water impossible to hold.

Life is so subjective
And original
No two people see the same
World around us
No one will ever understand
The darkness of a whisper
The bright light of my mother
Or the color of her voice
Or the song that plays in my head
Every time I drive by that place
Or why my eyes glance over
Every time I pass her house
Or his
Or hers
No one knows the colors
I see when I close my eyes
Or the fact that certain things
Prevent me from opening them
If life is a riddle
Coated in layers of confusion and dust
How should we ever figure it out?
Because know one knows the meaning
Behind anything we see
Hear
Or taste
Or how each letter and number
Have a different color to me
No one knows why
I chose to write the way I do
Or why I even make art in the first place
I just kind of do
No one will even know
The meaning behind my words
But that's just the beauty of life
I had to learn.

I am happy.
I love my life.
I love my friends.
I love the stupid drama my friends cause.
I love the seasons and the distinct smells of each one.
I love the sky and all of its colors.
I love the world and all of its misery.
I love life, and I will love every waking moment of it.
I am happy, and I'm okay.

It's hopeless and pathetic,
The life that I lead and the moments I forget.
The moments I remember.
I think about you too much,
About your hair, and your face
And the way we once touched.
And how your voice soothes me to sleep
And how I miss your eyes
And the way you keep me guessing all the time.
I wonder if I ever cross your mind,
Or if maybe I'm crazy
For missing you
And thinking about you
And replaying the moments over and over.
I'm so sober.
I'm so sorry,
For being pathetic.
If you're thinking about me I hope you're happy
And if you're reading this I hope you know it's really about you.
I'm thinking about you.

Loves sees no boundaries,
Love sees no limits,
So why is it that I feel my heart quit?
Every so often, I feel so alone,
And I feel myself close,
And become a body
That no one can hold.

Tie rocks to my feet,
So I can walk to the middle of the sea,
And sleep for eternity.

I will hold your heart until it stops beating
And I will remember your name even when it ceases to have meaning.
I will love your face when it grows older
Even when your skin grows colder.

I remember the day I fell in love with your smile
And the day it was us against the world for a little while.
I remember smoking cigarettes and being so nervous
About smelling bad and how the nicotine controlled us.

I know that we kiss and I know it means something,
But I cherish the moments in which we say nothing.
I remember the day you went away, and we tried not to cry but the tears came anyway.

And I know you love someone else and so do I but if our paths ever cross I feel I'd be ready this time.
What we have is nothing that anyone can understand,
But I constantly crave your voice like music from our favorite band.

We are simple as rain as a tree,
Excuse me for repetition, but there's nothing to see.
We are in sync and need each other more than we could ever know,
And I'll love you forever I could never let you go.

And these years turn into moments as I see my memories fade
Just as the smoke from my lips slowly wisps toward the ceiling;
Hazy, and seeming to slowly deteriorate as they venture forth.

As moments once seemed so vivid and real
I see them vanishing before my eyes in a cloud of bittersweet nostalgia
Never to return but only in those blissful moments when the smoke just barely releases from it's hold in my lungs.

And if I were to remember this moment as my fingers translate my thoughts into words,
Maybe I wouldn't feel so sad.

You can drive right into town,
Or swim into the city;
Jump right on my back,
And admire all the buildings.
You can appreciate life with just the touch of your finger
Only to find that your true home
Is buried six feet under.

We always walk through rain trying to get under something to avoid getting wet.
We do this in life also.
We rush along, holding things over our heads, and try and take cover.
We never bother to stop and actually take in what's happening around us;
We're too busy trying to not get wet.
We never stop and understand what is actually happening and say:
"What a wonderful combination of hydrogen and oxygen molecules falling from the sky!" Or
"How amazing is it that my skin repels the water?"
Instead we curse the rain, and call it ridiculous.
But every once in a while, sharp darts of
reality will come and slap you in the face,
Reminding you of the season,
And how you're way too early for your next class,
Or that you need to be somewhere in 5 minutes and you're 20 minutes away,
Or that he stopped loving you after a while.
We try to avoid such thoughts because we know reality is painful,
Just like fall rain on warm skin.
We can try to avoid reality for the rest of our lives, and never accomplish a thing,
Or we can come to terms with the fact that if we step outside we will get wet,
Allowing reality to soak into our coats,
Making us cold for the rest of the evening.

The sun has hidden behind the clouds again
and I am questioning myself more than I ever have.
Who am I
Why am I here
Why is right now my time to be alive?
People come and go and I don't know why
Do they see through my exterior?
Do they know how torn apart I am
On the inside?

I am trapped under layers of skin and bones.
I was brought into this world without my control.
And now I'm here, beating myself up about every little thing.
Trying to do wrong when right is screaming in the back of my mind.
I'm lost.
The world surrounds me and I feel like I don't belong anymore.
Maybe I never did.

What it's like
To be every type of person,
In every single town,
In every single county,
In every single state,
In every single region,
In every single country,
On every single continent,
On every single planet,
In every single solar system,
In every single galaxy,
In every single universe.
I want to know what it's like to be you.

And I learned that after loving myself, loving others was more enjoyable.
Despite the hate dwelling inside us,
The memories burning holes in our chests,
And the kisses soon forgotten.
Always forgive,
But never forget.

Silence envelopes my mind,
As you look into my eyes
And I feel nothing but ecstacy.
However it's moments like now,
When you don't come around,
And I question myself more than ever.

Do you think about me as the leaves start to fall?
About how I love this season,
And how I love them all.
Do you think about that?

Do you think about how I find all life lovely?
And how I never let him touch me,
Like that?
Like you did.

Do you think about how you let me in?
How someone broke your heart,
And you're too afraid to admit it?
Do you understand I'd never bring myself to do that?

So let this silence rip me apart.
Let it speak the words who may never be said.
Let some sort of fire start.
Let it catch flame violently in your heart.
Let it envelope your mind,
Just as your eyes captured mine.
Do you ever think about that?
Do you ever think about me like that?

And just like that,
you were gone.
Like a whisper in the dark,
Or a flash of light,
In a dark field
Where no one saw,
But you.
And just like that
It didn't hurt
The pain I felt was only relevant when your presence touched me
Scraping the surface,
But never truly touching my heart.
And just like that,
I realized,
What we had wasn't real,
Raw,
Or passionate.
And just like that,
I am whole once again.

Intoxicate my lungs,
My body,
and my soul.
I want to fall in love with a person,
And feel their touch on my skin,
So I may no longer feel
So **** cold.

The skin on my head is peeling off,
Revealing every one of my thoughts.
I feel open,
Exposed,
I have no where to go from here.
I'm lost in a world full of despair,
Every night I try to not pull out my hair,
But there's always something telling me to worry.
I feel so alone in a cave of open arms,
With places to go, lights to see, arms to touch.
So if you're reading this know that the space where my heart is hurts,
And that I never had much to learn,
And that the empty space in my chest is filling up with blood.
One day I'll get a knife,
Cut open my chest and expose my insides,
And show them why love is something that goes away with time.

It looks like we must say goodbye to the restless nights and the rebellion I grew so fond of.
I must gain a sense of composure and come to grips with what's ahead, I guess.
It's hard to move on after all that has happened.
It's hard to move on, at all.
So Summer, do you think of me when the nights turn cold and your brain wonders into the dark places of your mind?
Or am I tucked away somewhere far, never to come back around until next year?
Because I think about you all of the time.
About your warm embrace,
Your bright eyes,
And most importantly your smile.
But I smell change in the air, now,
And there's no reversing time.
I can sense you trying to stay.
You even cried today.
But Summer, it's time to move on.
So let's pack up our things,
Say our goodbyes,
And keep our memories on a shelf somewhere.
Let's let them collect dust,
Let our bicycles rust,
And pick up the pieces again
On a cold evening
When I miss your smell
Will you remember me?

At the start, we just had so much in common, I really thought i meant more to him than I did.
And seeing as that I'm not really distraught about us breaking up,
I guess he didn't mean that much to me either.

And I need your lips right now as much as I need something in my blood.
I drown my pain with temporary fixes,
But maybe your arms are what I need to fix this.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me,
I am losing sight of reality more and more,
As each day progresses
The older I get,
The greater my stress is.
I'm not sure who I am,
Or what I'm supposed to be,
But if I'm next to you,
I feel like me.

Dear Mother I am sorry
For all that I've done.
I've used your love, your money, and your home
Without bothering to apologize or thank you for it all.
And now you are weeping and I feel ashamed
For using you and abusing you in the most horrible way.
You gave birth to my every existence
And to that, all your children are grateful.
I see you are aging but this cancer is a terrible thing,
It's even worse knowing that your children and I have caused it.
We're trying our hardest to take it all back,
Make you all better so we don't have to worry anymore,
And hopefully make your eyes shine brighter than they have before.
I hope that's a good enough apology for you.

Love, the rest of us

I want to be wrapped up in the arms of someone I love.
I'm not sure who,
But they look and smell a lot like you.

The unbreakable have limits of wearing and tearing,
As does my heart.
At times I wonder about it's durability, and question if my idea of it is wrong.
For I used to think it was as fragile as fine china, gathering dust in an antique fair somewhere in the South.
But now I realize it is as cold and dense as the winter ground.
This small heart of mine has seen the rain, it has seen the darker days.
It has been swallowed and chewed, and tasted and tortured, time after time after time.
But the times it is appreciated brings it to its fullest potential.
I believe now that it is its happiest.

I look at the world from above and wonder why I am no longer scared.
Is it perhaps because I have found my meaning, or is it because my heart has learned to love?

There is a haunting contentment with the idea that Death will greet us someday.

We are all just boats in this vast sea of confusion
Trying to find a shore but the map won't tell us where to go
And our compasses seemed to have broke
And now we are lost out to sea
Will we ever make it back
Or will we have to become comfortable with uncertainty?

Humans are strong
But the bonds that bind us together are weak;
Deceiving,
Like aluminum,
Appearing to be strong
But easily breakable if force is applied.

I sit and wonder
Why these bonds slowly deteriorate
And why memories
Are hazy and confusing;
As if these moments never happened.

Why is it that losing something
Is the main cause of sadness?
Why is that the world keeps moving
When I am stopped in motion,
Wondering why people keep passing by
Without bothering to see if I'm alright
Or to ask how my day is going

I treat it like weather:
There is nothing I can do to stop the rain from coming,
And I can avoid it as much as I want to,
But if I ever want to go places,
I must endure the conditions and
Fight through,
And hope the sun will come out eventually.

If I knew that may have been the last time I saw you,
I would have held my eyes on you for so much longer.
I would have appreciated the way you walk, and the way your eyes shimmer even when the sun is hiding behind the clouds.
If I knew that may have been the last time I held you,
I would have held you so much tighter, and never would have let go.
Not even to look up and stare at your face.
If I knew that may have been the last time I was with you,
I would have said everything.
I love you.

I will never be able to be there for you,
And that is the single most tragic thing
I will ever know.

My heart is shattered and scattered across the floor.
Where were you to sweep up the dust;
To put me together and bring my heart back where it was?
Are you too lazy to care anymore?

If I was a flower I thought you were the bee;
Flying around and seeing all there was to see.
But, I know now that you were nothing but a pest,
Breaking off my petals and creating a mess.

If I was a cloud I thought you were the rain;
Pouring down to explore the world,
But always coming back again.
However this time I realize you stayed on the ground;
Never coming back and creating a drought.

My heart is shattered and scattered across the floor,
And you're not here to pick me up anymore.
So, I'll get down on my knees and collect all the pieces,
Remembering the day I realized I don't need this.

I feel as though I am being lied to
And that every motive and every action of my life
Is not real
Is it that life is unfathomable
Or is it that
I am going
Slowly
Insane

This is for every time I opened up and every time you didn't care
Every time I tried asking what was wrong and you pushed me away
Every time I fell down and you didn't pick me up
I had to do it on my own, does that make you sad at all?
Every time I supported you and barely supported me
Every time I never hit ignore and every time I stayed up staring at my phone waiting for you to text back
Every time I felt betrayed
Every time your eyes stared another way
Every time I felt neglected and ignored, and I did nothing to stop it
Every time I should have said something but I didn't
Every time I just waited and waited for you to say something meaningful
Every time you just didn't understand me
I tried making this work
But you chose to ignore me
Once again.
This is for the the time I chose to walk away.

I do not need
Anyone
But myself.
Thank you for trying.

I want to live my life in every perspective.
I want to feel the emotions and the pain of every single person.
I want to enjoy the world through my eyes shining through the light of another person.
I want to love this life unconditionally.
I want to see the world.
I want to feel it all.
I want to feel at all.
I want to feel.

Don't be concerned with creating a legacy.
Don't be sad when your name is forgotten, just as peace and the motivation to do great has long past in the world.
Along with the striving taste to go against society, and be your own.
For nothing is no longer present in this world.
Nothing is permanent,
Nothing matters.
So if you live your life only trying to get your name in a history book,
good for you.
But it is not about your name, or your legacy on the world that matters.
For it is the impact on yourself that makes the difference.
Because you could strive to accomplish a task that changes the universe,
But inside you are crippled with misery.
However, you may choose to live that way,
And believe that somehow living a miserable life but leaving a mark is what the purpose of your being was.
But for me,
I would rather be happy, and allow everyone around to me to know that I was happy with myself when I perished.
And that, I feel,
Would make all the difference.

People are changing,
And aging.
The weather is, too.
So is the sky, and the earth, and the science that revolves around us
Spitting theories and numbers and equations and pictures at us to remind us how small we are.
The forests keep diminishing and the skies keep polluting and the ocean continues to grow
As the ice keeps melting and the animals keep perishing as our minds continue to grow.
And I look around at this small town and think about its origins and the moments it has seen,
And I wonder why it is some things stay the same.

Every step you take someone else has taken at one point in time or another.
And if it's the first, someone else will step in your footsteps and not give a **** about who has stepped there before.

Someone told me once that you die twice:
Once when your heart stops beating,
And again when your name is said for the last time.

So here I am, standing before the world on a stage for everyone to see;
Pouring my heart out to a group of people who I may never meet.
If every word and every thought I produce means something to you,
Just remember,
It means something completely different to me.

You don't care about this as much as I want you to,
And I don't care about you as much as you want me to.
So, I think it'd be fair
If we both disappeared
And took some time to recollect.
And at the end of the day,
When all the hurt drifts away,
And the stars no longer weep for our kisses;
We'll end up okay,
And throw this all away,
And maybe meet again
Another warm summer day.

This is the air that smells like the leaves that start to decay.
This is the crumbling of stones as the ocean crashes into them day after day.
This is the rush of the wind that messes up your hair.
This is the smile on your face as your friend speeds up around the curve of the road.
This is the laugh that escapes your lips as you feel yourself let go.
This is the pure joy and excitement of teenage rebellion.
This is the sad truth that hits you after a long day.
This is the dread and anxiety of coming back to reality.
This is the migraine you wake up to the next morning.
This is the squinting of your eyes as you attempt to stare at your phone in the middle of the night.
This is the worry that he might never call back.
This is the warmth of your family's love.
This is the comfort of knowing everything will be okay.
Enjoy the little things.

There once was a girl named Yesterday,
She feared Tomorrow,
and hated Today.

And the memories continue to fade,
As I look through your pictures and wonder what I was doing to myself last year at this time.
I don't think I was in a good place.
Because heartbreak defines you, in someway, shape, or form.
And I didn't take it too well, I think.

But looking back, I do not feel sadness, as I should.
I don't feel anything at all.

And I would be lying if I said I don't think about you from time to time
And the days that your heart was mostly devoted to mine.
But the steps that we took so far and far away,
Off to some unknown world where we no longer communicate.

And I wonder what you're thinking, and at times if it's about me.
And I wonder if I was everything I was supposed to be.
Not that it matters, because it doesn't.
For my heart belongs to him, now,
And I feel forever blissful because of that.

So if our lives were just fables scrawled down onto a notebook,
With ink blots and splotches and imperfections that life itself contains,
Would my name come across in some chapter or some place?
Or am I a memory that just continues to fade?

Sadness is one hell of a drug.

I am young.
I am free.
I am music.
I am me.

I hear silence.
I see dark.
I taste sadness.
I can break your heart.

I am human.
I am scared.
Life is precious.
Life is rare.
Breathe it in,
Remember you're here.

We spend our entire lives trying to find ourselves.
We already know ourselves, though.
We live with ourselves each and every day,
So how would we not know our identity?
Our journey in life should not be wasted trying to uncover hidden parts of your mind.
In fact, you should take what you're certain of and enhance it in any way possible.
Find what makes you happy, and become passionate about it.
Find your passions.
I am passionate about my life.
I know who I am.
However,
I have yet to find the one factor that gets me up each morning.
I've decided that if I were to die soon,
I wouldn't want to not know what hit me.
I'd rather die slowly and painfully,
So I can feel my last bit of sensation before all control is lost.
I want to feel each part of my body shutting down, and I want to feel comforted by it.
I want to look up at the light and tell it that I'm ready.
I'd rather that, than feel nothing at all.
Because how can you die with passion if you die afraid?

The distance is fading
Along with my vision
And youth.
I remember the moments
When I was with
You.
I feel scared
Getting older
And knowing
Each day
Brings me closer
To you.
I'm not sure if you are real
Or if you are a comfort
Or if you've been tricking me this whole time.
I want to know my purpose
And my meaning.
I want to know yours, too.
I want this all to make sense.
Who are you?