The hazel centers draw me in
and the comfort of the pools of green
and blue keep me in, so soft and peaceful
wishing to be seen.

So I cannot deny it,
can not deny your eyes
their need to be seen
by mine.

Eyes closed, yes eyes
and what is wrong
there is always something
something is always wrong.

The center of your eyes draw me in
and the serene pools hold me close
but I pull back and push away because
no matter how you love, he still loves the most.

I remember the first day,  I walked into class,
At seven years old saying "This will be a blast!"

The classroom was full, the bell did ring
Lessons being taught, so it begins

Recess starts, the teams are split
Standing alone, the last one picked

Slowly it starts, as laughter and fun
but deep inside, I am seeing no sun

The nicknames had started, not laughing inside
but what did I do, starting to cry

Never belonging or being accepted
being myself, I felt dissected

From 2nd to 3rd and up into 8th grade
the bullies got worse, fearing into fade

Freshman to Senior, I thought I was stronger
Hitting my point, it started to boil over

It was one little word that threw me over the edge
Couldn't take it no more, all that was said

I stood up to the bully, on that great day,
all was released, feeling no shame

But it doesn't stop there, the torment goes on
At night, I dont sleep, I just sing a song

That song never ends, forever on that round
it never skips a beat, listen to the sound

Decades goes on, never forgetting the names
What has happened to me? Am I going insane?

These are the first names that tortured my young soul
Always in my mind, but never letting go

So Danny, Robert, Terry and Andy
You are not very special or very well dandy!

Oh Michael and Chuck and Bill, I remember
stand up to call, hell is your number

Chris, Steven, and even Brad
Life's but a mystery,  so why are you so sad

I tried to forgive you deep in my heart
Why did you bully me? TEARING MY WORLD APART!!

Walking through autumns tears,
stooping to pick up leaves,
throwing them up in the air,
watching them fall through glinting sunlight,
holding hands, allowing our eyes to meet,
love dwelling within our souls,
no shame felt here,
this our everlasting afternoon,
but then the sky greys over,
everything turns cold,
you were never really there,
gone in a heartbeat.

© H V Swan

Facing each day or facing my debts
What do I see? But Russian Roulette

Cold steel in my hand and brass on the cover
loading one up, I drop the five other

Placing the barrel next to my skull
closing my eyes, feeling more dull

Pulling it back, the trigger with force
hearing a click, thinking what's more

One more time, the intensity deepens
Do I live or die? My plot thickens

Third times a charm, so I've been told
The click is once more, but nothing, BEHOLD!

Four now five, still nothing but blank
what's going on, its stealing my fate

This is the one, the final shot
squeezing that trigger, I am dead on the spot.

The cloud's were hanging all about my very, very tiny ears.
The ears they were not listening,
Because, they did not wish to hear.
I never heard you shout to me.
MY shiny eyes were peeled,
to see what was going on.
But in a moment of complexity,
They never noticed you.

You were standing in the shadows,
in the back roads of my mind.
I spoke to you, you made me feel.
The shadow in the background hangs intrinsically very real.
Intriguing conversations,
They opened up a can of worms.
Of your lost love,
The bringer to your heart,
only buckets full of standing sorrow,
You made me think,
I couldn't sleep,
for your lost love,
I wish to weep.
Secrets freed, once lost set free,
Cherish the honesty of me.
I'm free of my burden,
the one that I could not see.
Well I think I maybe anyway,
Maybe I shall ever be.
Come forth the man of mystery.
Let us write together thee and me.
(c) Livvi

Watch him twist, watch him squirm,
Watch him catch the early worm,
See him writhe, see him turn,
He’ll take your soul,
then watch it burn.


© H V Swan