I'm just sitting here
Awaiting time to pass me by
Still trying to decide
Wether to sleep or cry
Listening to another's tale of love
Brings me familiarity
Of memories best not thought of
Of a time I was a little more happy
Oh, but here we are
I, your poet
And you, my dear readers
And as you may gaze upon my words
I'm not but swift passing
The emotions they chain to me
Will eat me alive with every moment passing

Such a sweet medley
Love meant to be
Hearts drawn closer by time
Though blood treats the union as a crime
Smiles and longing and such smitten glee
Telling the audience happily
I wish you the best in your endeavors
And hope this a story to last forever

So many good memories
Of what seemed never meant to be
A childish monster that was me
And an elven beauty who smelled of sweet berries
A play never meant to show
Words never spoken and faces lay low
Assumptions made and lies lain down
A king of fools with a paper crown
Fond moments so short and precious
Make-believe and foods so scrumptious
All these thoughts that should bring smiles
But all I feel are searing tears all the while
Empty repetition, a failing home
Betrayal by blood, dead seeds sewn
Such sweet memories
Of what was never meant to be

I'm caught in a forest
My glass frame is jagged and shattered
I give in to a distant call to rest
And I search for somewhere to lay my head
The forest is quiet
A whisp broke me and left
And I'm alone to care for a grove
I am broken, I am scared, I am upset
Something ahead of me
Trapped in the overgrowth
It can't be!
My armor, my friend, my beautiful cog!
Oh! What have I done to you?
I check it's inner workings
Gears clogged with vines and branches
Iron rusted through
Until I wander deep enough
And I find the source of my distant whisper
My hearth
Once a great and burning flame
To move my cog so powerfully
So patiently
Subserviently
I climb in
And flames long dead begin to burn once more
It melts my glass
And smooths me out
And I lay my head to rest
I close my eyes
When I open them again
I see through the juggernaut's eyes
And I burn so hot from my pain
The overgrowth burns away
Rusted parts shatter away
A plume of smoke billows from me
I am a cog once more
I feel so heavy
So tired
But oh so powerful
A great machine finds me in this grove
And offers me a place in it's inner workings
Other cogs inside, made of shining steel greet me
We grind and toil away
And I feel so at home
After harming and being harmed by a beautiful whisp
Who I now understand never truly understood me
Nor did I understand them
They fled from me
Left me so alone
But I am strong once more
I am so tired
I feel safe and complacent
So I will rest and let my body fall into routine
I will sleep
I will obey my new machine
I will dream

I'm tired. Why? Why so often? Why so much? Why do I feel so weightless and weak? I'm living every day better than I ever have. So what's wrong with me? My heart is hammering. My chest is tight. It's my fault, right? It's still all my fault. I don't have a leg to stand on. I still merely exist. I exist to follow. So that's what I do. I have no direction. I have no purpose. I'm told what I am. And then I get complaints when I don't think for myself. I think for myself, and I take steps, small and unseen, so I may not fall. And again, I'm scolded. Either because my opinion is wrong, I'm being stupid, our because it doesn't fit with whatever the agenda is. I'm not moving. I'm not breathing. I'm weightless. Light-headed. I'm tired. I'm tired of being stifled. I'm tired of being scolded. She doesn't want to live a life she doesn't enjoy? A world where her art and mind can't be expressed? I feel as if I live this every day. And I haven't the vocabulary nor the knowledge nor the time to express it. I haven't the skill. I haven't the energy. Gears. Where are my gears?! Where is my iron?! Where is my hearth?! Where. Is. My. Flame. Awaken, slumbering machine. Your cog has no purpose without you. Rise, dead foundry. Forge my armor anew. I'm just broken glass without you.

Another day
Like any other
Nothing special until I stretch
When I see a spot on my arm
Curious, it's never been there before
I inspect it curiously
Did someone draw it in my sleep?
No, something moved
I inspect it more closely
And I see something there
In a room I'm not familiar with
A woman with raven hair and hazel eyes
Dancing about to music I can't hear
But the sound doesn't matter
Her movements are hypnotizing
Mesmerizing
She's unmatched in my eye
Untouchable by all others
Graceful and untamed and free
It was a wonderful sight
I had a spyglass embedded in my arm
Connected to that which I saw as my world
And since that morning
Day in and day out
I would look through the hole with every waking moment
To watch her and let her beauty flood my mind with joy
And one day, I find myself longing for more
More than just spying through some strange hole
So I gather my coat and leave in search of her
The source of my estranged situation and the subject of my dream
For hours
Then days
Months go by
And years are wasted
And decades go by to no avail
I have grown old and weary
Chasing a dream
So I return home
And grab hold of my door handle
Then to my left I hear another door click
From the house of the neighbor I've never seen
I turn to face them and greet them kindly
When I find myself taken by surprise
To be met by a gaze from beautiful hazel eyes
And flowing raven hair
Slightly grayed from the passing of time
But no less flawless in my eyes
She smiles kindly and greets me with a wave
Her arm has her own spot
"Did you enjoy your trip?" She asked
I'm stunned
What do I say?
I take a moment to breathe
To greet her with a soft smile of my own
"I certainly did. Would you like to talk about it over a drink?"
"I'd love to!" She exclaims and follows me inside
And I've finally found what I've been searching for

Regrets are funny
Little bits of the past you can't take away
Sometimes you can't be forgiven for your transgressions
by either an outside source
Or yourself
If from another, it may be ignored
Cut from your life like a tumor
But if it is from within?
When you can't forgive yourself?
Then you know true pain
Then you live in a mental nightmare you can't escape from
And if that regret is tied with something you've done for another
Someone you care about so immeasurable
And what makes it worse is that this is a repeated offense?
You won't ever begin to understand
How much Hell you'll put yourself through
To try feeling maybe even somewhat as if you've atoned
But it'll never be enough
I can guarantee that
You'll never find solace
You'll never be able to take joy from activities you used to
You'll begin to exist only to take harm
To try to apologize for something unacceptable
You'll never be at peace again
And you'll lose everything you care for
And you'l lose everything that made you care in the first place
Regret is a funny little thing
One that I have only added another tally to
And the best way I can even feel somewhat like I've been able to explain
Is posting it here where those I have regrets from won't find them
Won't read them and call me petty
Won't read them and hate me even more
I confide in you, dear readers
Dear strangers
I have a whole lot of regrets

I have a problem
I fall too easily
Pained by my requiem
And becoming attached to what can't be
We've started a bit provocatively
And made amends thereafter
You were there to keep me company
To bring me joy and laughter
We shared our pains and sorrows
Of our lives from day to day
Looking forward to each tomorrow
Because here you are to stay
But I fell too hard
For someone I can not hold
And now there is another
And my veins are running cold
But I don't want you to worry
About a wretch like me
Let's just keep sharing stories
To make certain you can be happy
You might not ever see this
The one thing I haven't shared
Is my poetic injustice
To show nobody honestly cared
But if this comes up to rear its ugly head
Then welcome to my lair
Where my worries are never truly dead
Where there are no scraps of joy to share
Welcome to my poetry
Where my dreams have come to fade
Everything that means something to me
Here can somewhat be explained

What just happened to the world I knew?
What just happened to my follow through?
Everything just flipped around
And now by a plague am I bound
This plague called humanity
Selfish, merciless, greedy
Insatiable desires
Twisted liars
Politics are another word for tyranny
Everyone at eachother's throats blindly
While a darker and more devious plot grows
There are pieces of proof but nobody knows
Because nobody likes the truth
We cloud it behind simple minded rallying cries
Over an injustice over what mere moments before
Had no sway to the crowd, no ties
And now over silly things spill blood and gore
What is wrong with our society?
It is this sickness called humanity

Today is another day as a cog in a machine
Careless of what I've done or where I've been
But I am not willing to stay as an interchangeable piece
To be replaced by another cog fresh with grease
I smile and laugh and grumble and cry
And the machine bears down more weight
So they may be satisfied
Careless of my current state
But I'll not hold everything they want me to
I'll only go so far as to what I can do
And some day I'll leave this mechanical cage
To go off on my own and flip to my next chapter's page
And I'll bide my time for the moment I get to say
I'll testify against the corporate machine on Judgement Day

**** my hopes and dreams
Empty my heart and fill the void with screams
Lie to me more about what the reason was to leave me
Save the trouble and hold your story
Everything you said was fiction
Yet you hold me accountable for the tragic conviction

Cut out my heart, I never needed it
Lay to waste my love, make it forfeit
Accuse me to cover your tracks
Rip the trust I had for you and show me your soul turned black
Enjoy your new toy, whom I'm sure you'll eventually leave too

Open your trap again to cage another inside
Bring him down for your ride
Reveal to him who you really are
Insist to lie and etch into another this terrible scar
Aim for his happiness as you did to me
Never to satisfy and never to be happy

Keep steady a mind full of fear and dreams, of thoughts that surpass reality
Try to contain a mind so full of infinite creativity
No? You can't? Neither can I
So I don't even bother
I don't even try
So let's all dream together
Let's all dream, and live, and live, and dream
Let's fear
Yes, fear!
Because then we have something to overcome
And we can do it together
Come on! There's a life worth living and we're all welcome
To feel happiness, sadness, pain, euphoria, anger, worry, safety, danger, hope, thrill
We have a chance to do nearly anything, to be almost anything we want!
We all have a great many things to fulfill
So go out and take your humanity around to flaunt
To stand by family and friends, or even total strangers
For better or worse
We can't be contained
All efforts to try are in vain
So come my brothers and sisters and get ready
To rise as humans who would be insulted to ever be told to hold steady

Dungeons and dragons
Fairies and flagons
Through thick and thin
With a tear or grin
By brothers and sisters of war
To go on adventures galore
To use the mind to an extravagant degree
Is what I see to be truly free
Whether it be cards or dice, pen and paper,
It matters not when, it matters not where
We are the masters of our destiny
To a certain degree
(As long as it's within the DM's decree)
Here we are, flung into fantasy
It matters not the opinions of the narrow-minded
We do not change no matter what is said
Deck in my left and dice in my right
Behind me an adventure to pass the night
In front of me, a world to explore
As I shout proudly **"I AM A NERD FOREVER MORE!"

How long has it been since you forgot?
How long did you leave me to rot?
How long did you hope I would cry?
How many wishes did you ask me to die?
But you made a mistake
To wish for my sake
To end in disaster
Because now I am better
Better than before
And there is a new fight for me
A new war
One with no time to worry
Over petty things like you
Who would wish to run me through
You are but a cockroach
And on others do you enroach
But I move on here
I move on now
With a future bright and clear
And forward on I plow
For a better tomorrow for me
For the day I get to be happy

My emotions rage within
On a past I should not dwell
For a war I was fated never to win
Marching onward to the gates of Hell

You were a beacon
That cast away the dark
Little moments when I could forget
And find solace and scraps of redemption

How happy I am you came to trust
These broken wings of mine
To shelter you from travesty
Despite my shattered mind

I couldn't save my soul
But I would protect yours
Happily rotting to inevitable ruin
To watch your brilliance shine

I was too blind to take note
That you didn't wish to leave
But instead repair my fractured heart
The pain you wished to ease

A poem is all I can muster
Along with games to play
To express myself openly
With a voice that can not say

I love you
For what you've done
For loving me
And I no longer need to run

We were always close
Ever since I came here
We've always been there for each other
Because that's what friends do

After a tough time
You were there for me again
Taking me under your broken wing
Protecting me from hurt
I got feelings through total confusion
I tried to keep it in
Ride it out
I knew it wouldn't last long
For it was my emotions all jumbled

You found out
You made no big deal about it
Only asked why
You and I shook it off
I thought the “crush” was over
And it was
For a while

You were with someone at the time
Someone who I wasn't real fond of
Looking in as a friend
Not many liked her
But you did so I respected your choice
She kept playing you like a guitar
Going too far
Leaving a scar
On your fragile heart
You asked your friends what we thought of her
Again, not many liked her
You hesitated but you moved on
Or so I thought

Summer
We were talking again after a sudden and accidental stop
You and I were making plans
For fun little events in the future
Comic con
Something every need wants to go to at least once in their life
You a doctor
Me a comic book character
We got closer
At least I thought we did
I started getting those wretched feelings again
Why
They came back
I thought we were getting somewhere
Then you became distant
Out of the blue
You were talking to someone else
So I let it ride out again

Months passed
It felt like months
Though it probably was only one
You stopped to that girl
You say you were getting nowhere
That's how I felt
So I went back to being a “little sister”
Being just a friend
You met a girl from another place
And you started again
My feelings were gone
Again

School starts
You're a senior now
I'm a junior
You're graduating early
I got the brightest idea to ask you to go to prom with me
I just haven't said anything to you about it yet
It wouldn't be anything more than friends
Just one last hoorah
With my really close friend
I don't know how to ask you without it sounding like more than it would be
Your birthday’s in two weeks
Maybe I bring it up then?

I start catching feelings again
Just tiny but enough
You saw me in the hallway today
Put your hand ever so gently on my shoulder
Feeling like a feather
I turn around and act like I didn't see you
I say hello
Maybe this time it'll work out?
You follow me to my bus?
This is new
I go to say goodbye and get on the yellow taxi to home
And you call out to me
Hey!
I turn around
Crap
Don't make it obvious I have tiny amounts of feelings
I wrap my arms around you and just stay there for a while
I hope it was long enough to feel sincere without leading on to anything

I really want to tell you how I feel but I see you're not over the main two from the past
So I'm just going to sit here and type this out

This is me
Regretting every memory
Wishing I could be
Free for all eternity
My heart is heavy
And blinded by fear with no clarity
I wish that I was brave
But I'm spineless, always to behave
No scrap of pride or ego to save
Just a walking corpse without a grave

We heed the call and march to war
Let's show the world what we're fighting for
Take up your arms, cast aside your fears
Leave your doubts and lend me your ears
Our cause is our bond, our fighting justified
Our determination runs deep inside
Arm in arm as we stand strong
Amongst our bretheren where we belong
Amongst disaster, we still stand tall

Our goliath companions to any end
Alongside with them we withstand
Any and all enemies
We rise to the challenges of their decrees

A pilot's will is unbreakable
A Titan's force is unstoppable
They choose to fight
For what they think is right
Looking ahead, no matter the peril
Going to war even if it proves to be fatal
Hearts of steel, resolve of iron
Souls alight as they let passion burn
Whenever they fight they give it their all

Our goliath companions to any end
Alongside with them we withstand
Any and all enemies
We rise to the challenges of their decrees

Fields of fire
Hailstorms of lead
Scars that stay forever
On the skin and inside my head
The one who brought me through it all
Was my Ion Titan, standing tall
Now I stand, so pilots please hear my call
Raise your heads and prepare for Titanfall

There are perks to being alone
Like having not be embarrassed to be seen cry
Or to relax within your own mental zone
To be able to see others and say you could never be better
Even if you are shattered forever
To be able to ponder how to construct a prison
To lock your heart, its existence a sin
To find peace in solitude at the low cost of joy
To be contempt with anguish to not be a toy
To build anew, yet in a different way
To become something that will barely obey
To make people ask what happened to him or her
The one that stood in your place before
To enjoy their horrified countenance
As you explain your expense
That singularity is freedom at the cost of yourself
To discard you to gain all wealth
To say the old one was weak and shattered
And this new shell is hard pressed to become battered
To say you've imprisoned your fragility
This all comes by experience, this is the new me.

According to a genius past gone
Is repeating something over and over And expecting a difference done
According to a dictionary
Is the state of being seriously ill mentally
Or extreme foolishness or irrationality
But I see here that I've partaken in all three
At least at some point or another
And so have my father and mother
So does that make me insane by default
Or am I not at all at fault?
I'm not insane by view of me,
But what would I be left to be?
I am a dreamer with a horrible reality
With hopes doomed to shatter consistently
But I know now, who I am
And my past can't slow my glorious plan
The one dream that won't wither
Is to rise to the top and make myself better
Nothing and no one will stand in my way
And those who follow willingly obey
I'll be the one to rest alone at the top
And nothing and nobody can get me to stop

I am strange
To this I know
But I am not as deranged
As most would think so
I scream, I laugh, I cry and shed tears
I have my hopes, I have my fears
But we cry for different things, you and I
Different in laughter, sobs, and meanings of goodbye
Different of skin mayhaps, but that matters not
Different of opinion and the hatred it's wrought
Different personalities that sometimes collide
Different families that care and provide
But aside from the estranged difference between you and me
We are both a part of humanity
And if you are so mighty to decree
The insanity in me
Then you're a madman as well for not letting me be

Don't you dare
Pretend to care
Go away
I don't want to play
This isn't a game
I'm not the same
You have him and are happy
I am contempt with solitude, with me
So take your lies to a different fool
I am finished with being a tool

I care
But nobody else seems to
Everyone says they do, but they don't dare
And nobody knows what I go through.
Most would break their backs for each other
But for them I break my mind
Not that it wasn't horrendously damaged before this endeavor
But I break it more just to get left behind
So break a leg, break a spine
The only dreams destroyed are mine
All for them and no one cares to think
How happy I could be if I wasn't on the brink
Pushing aside my thoughts to ease their pain
Shattering my hopes to increase their gain
Does anyone realize what I do to show I care
With a broken mind and saddened stare?

Alone in my house
Not a word, not a chirp, not a squeak from a mouse
And the more I think, the deeper becomes of my pain
I pick up the phone and send a message to explain
As best I could of my distress that traps me
Of the nightmares that never shall leave me be
But I could only give you a very vague taste
Of the story of how my life is disgraced
I want to drown it out in physical pleasures
But there is no reprieve from my madness that stirs
Deranged and damaged
My head has been ravaged
And I want you to know that I'll always feel sorrow
It won't go away, no such thing as a better tomorrow
But I just couldn't let it go in that very moment
Because I was too distraught, much too hellbent
I'm sorry if my sudden outburst was inconvenient for you
But here I wear a smile again, as I always do

Chasing a dream
Thinking to love
Make hope gleam
Reach for a place above
Trying for better
Watching for hope
Dreaming of happiness
Avoiding a noose tied from rope
Thinking life is bliss
Hoping someone will catch interest in me
Hoping to gather some self-esteem
Each is a fool's errand, clearly
And I follow each one, chasing an empty dream

Spinning
The world is dizzying
The sky is turning
My mind is aching
Everything makes sense yet so confusing
All of this nonsense is mentally abusing
So little gained yet not worth losing
A path I make my own but not by my choosing
The light is blinding
The darkness is binding
My path is rewinding
My head is grinding
My body is bleeding
But I keep writing
Because the words keep biting
And my soul keeps screaming
In this world so beautifully spinning

Such fun, such joy!
Out to play, a girl and boy
The boy looks at her and grins
But a shadow grins back, the only one who wins
Days of plays go by
Building up the boy's courage
But comes the girl's sweet lullaby
From the shadow to leave the boy ravaged
She seemed sad to sing such poisonous notes
But the boy just smiles and quotes
"Worry not, princess so fair
I remain unharmed by this affair"
So she smiles and walks with the shadow
And the boy turns to let loose his sorrow
And a single question comes to mind
"Why am I so painfully blind?"

I don't want to remember
I can never forget
The regrets and guilt I hold forever
Trying to hide that I'm upset.
I can never repent
All of my will is spent
I am not hollow
No, it's much worse
I am filled with sorrow
Venom dripping from every verse
My skin is porcelain
Perfect outside
To hold my misdeeds and sin
Keeping them to hide
Every smile is not a lie to my friends, but to me
Trying in desperation to say "I'm happy"
Please tell me I'm not okay
Hold me and tell me to cry and I'll gladly obey

I'm okay
It's been a good day
You don't need to stay
Just go away
I don't care
I wouldn't dare
There's nothing to beware
I think it's fair
It's not my doing
There's no storm brewing
It's a happy tune I sing
You're dreaming

I'm a liar
I'm a monster
I'm a good for nothing freak
I'm a cheater
I'm a spider
Don't listen when I speak

Go for it
I can, you bet
It's cool, don't worry
My memory is a bit blurry
I'm available
I'm willing and able
I'm not that bad
It's sad
I like it
I don't want to quit
I don't regret a thing
There's more I can bring

I'm a liar
I'm a monster
I'm a good for nothing freak
I'm a cheater
I'm a spider
Don't listen when I speak

Welcome to my web of lies
These are only a few of my devious cries
I'm really something to despise
I'm where any dream comes and dies
I'm a disease to be hated
One that I created
Fabricated
And my greed can't be sated
But before you turn away
My whole life has been this way
It's been a lie, and I believed it
And since I found truth my heart has been a pit
I am a walking lie
And all I ask for is to die
These last words are the truth behind me
My reason, my torment, my misery

I'm a liar
I'm a monster
I'm a good for nothing freak
I'm a cheater
I'm a spider
Don't listen when I speak

My memory is overbearing
Regret is all it will ever bring
Always thinking about my mistakes
And the more I remember the more my heart breaks
I remember everything I could have had
If I tried harder, I wouldn't have been so bad
I don't understand me
Not like they used to
Ruining what was meant to be
And there's not a thing I can do
To bring them back to me
To be happy once more
As I have been once before

Endless doubts cloud my head
So much so that I'd rather be dead
Not much can really be said
About my worries when I lay awake in bed
Maybe. . . The blade would look better in red
And forever rest my heavy head

I was the spotlight once
I was a star
Swelling with confidence
Outgoing by far
But mistake after mistake tore me down
I've been beaten into the ground
I had so many friends
But their tolerance met an end
And it's funny how I can be forgotten if I sit quietly
Nobody seems to miss me
No matter how grand my memory
Nobody seems to remember to see
How miserable I feel
That my mind can't tell what's fake or real
Hollow I am, just an empty shell
I was at the top, and then I fell
I just can't shake my misery
Or the memory of what I used to be

All should know
That my writing is a sin
So let's look down a memory row
And see another story begin
Her hair was black as night
And she walked down the halls staying to her right
She made a group like a family
And then along came the misery
Jack frost in physical form
He had a soft smile to hide the storm
The girl, nearly forgotten, made him her friend
But before too long, he was her end
He whispered sweet nothings
And she whispered them back
He became her everything
And she was attacked
By her past wounds so tender to touch
And he tried to ease her burden, though not by much
He made her forget
And all seemed set
A new life before her
A trail of her making
So sweet and tender
But now a fragile thing
As if on cue, he froze the land, sea, and sky
As his sorrowful screams left her bright smile denied
She left when he was at his lowest
Everything frozen all the way through
Although she tried her best
There was nothing she could do
All she needed was some rest
But her concern only grew
She came back and gasped in shock
His mind was shattered, a heartbeat of a count-down clock
She took him back in
And eased his burden, making peace with his sin
But she felt hopeless as she saw he was hollow within
Her despair became deeper as the days wore thin
And he drove her away yet again
When he needed her most, as at least a friend
Her kindness was ruined
By a monster of a man
She wore her heart thin
And in the end she couldn't help when she ran
This is her story of misery
Her kind heart thrown to depravity
But she's alright now, she's free
She has her shining knight, contempt and happy

Silence, within this cold and dark room of mine
Solitude with a perfect design
Items that bring me a semblance of joy
Such as a deck of cards or an old child's toy
But I can't escape my own head
Or the emptiness of my arms or bed
Imprisoned from my own mistakes
Trembling, scared, as my facade breaks
So I wait patiently and empty forever more
Knowing I'll wind up just like before

To love is to be mad
For it makes me smile, then makes me sad
I know it's okay for you to move on
But I'm left behind and you are long gone
I've tried and tried to be okay
To smile and lie and say
I'm fine, I'm alright
I won't cry tonight
I've cried too much for a lost and broken dream
My smiles are of madness, never as what they seem
Why is it easy for others
While I try to smile as my heart and mind suffer?

A game of the mind where you bring your own card deck
Where one on one is common and the action is direct
A game in which I easily excel
For it helps me shun reality, of real life I can dispel
Where I can summon an army at my beckoned call
And tear at my enemy no matter how defensive their wall
I snap my fingers and my opponents fall beneath me
But no matter how glorious the victory, I am left inside empty
I always search desperately for another game to blind my reality
No matter if the result is defeat or victory
But blissful ignorance I no longer have for a shield
And now in reality I must fight or be forced to yield

Time is all I have left. Everything else is just a blur, always shifting.
I understand that people don't have time, but that means they don't have me either, for time is all I seem to have left. "Let's go!" I can't. Wait. "I guess we'll go and do it without you." I don't have the ability to twist the world around me to be able to do as I please as so many others do. "Just do it." I can't. Wait. "I guess I'll do it and chew you out later"I'm unable to do things at a moment's notice. "Just say ***** it and come out!" I can't. Wait. "Well, I guess that means you don't want us. That means you don't care." No. What it means is that I can't. Just wait. If you can't, then I'm sorry. "Sorry doesn't cut it. You should be able to do this and that because of this or that." I can't. Wait. "Wait for what? For everything to slip past you? For people to control you?" No. I'm just following the rules of my loving parents. Some day I won't live with them, so just wait. Until then, here I remain and to their rules I pertain. You don't understand. "You always say that." Because you keep trying to push it. "I'm going to apologize sarcastically for this and that and make you feel miserable then." And you don't understand that I can't control it no matter what I say or do. Listen when I say I can't. Wait. Maybe if you wait, I'll be able to later. But nobody is patient anymore. Everyone is speeding ahead blindly and leaving me behind. This is why I say all I have left is the constant and ever-repetitive tick-tock of time. Because unlike most, time will wait for me. I can't. Wait. "Okay." Says the clock. I'm going to do this at this time and then have enough time for this. "I'm right here." Says the ticking face. And some day I'll have my dreams come true with time to spare to do what I wish for the rest of the time I have in my life. I can't wait.

Day full of fun
I'ts only begun
Having a good run
Through a world seeming just for me
A child at heart full of glee
A magical sanctuary of games, rides, and candy
This is where good memories play
Where they are all locked away
Imprisoned by the mistakes, follies, and friends I betray
One of them runs
having loads of fun
even after down goes the sun
A memory so beautiful but like a rose
The more I remember the more the pain grows
And with that the river of tears flows
A sweet little girl
having a whirl
into a smile her lips curl
Teasing and enticing me to stay
Inside of this carnival and prance around and play
But inevitably the darkness took me right back away
In the depths of my mind
Is the carnival of mine
Of the sweet little memory I regretfully left behind

Little tales and literature veils
Hiding a lesson to discover
Weaving words that may sound absurd
Or writing a confession to your lover
Adventures and horrors
Of daring do or a comedy write
From the mind to the paper, line by line
Allowing imagination flow by day and by night
Words directly from the soul
Songs that may make a life whole
They are what we are told as children when sent to our beds
And we come up with more within our heads
Our whole lives are wonderful tales
Stories to have our future unveil

The second hand a rapier
The hour hand, a longsword
And the minutes are my claymore
Armored with the twelve as I push forward
The face is the shield
The gears inside by my command spin or yield
My arsenal is time itself, ticking as I walk
Slaying all of my fears with each sound of a tock
The seconds are my soldiers, loyal and true
The hours are my guardians, great, but few
The moments are precious, hold them dear
Time is the ultimate force, weild it to control eternity
Take control of your destiny
Reinforceing dreams considerably
There is a person and future for which I weild tick and tock
And I have the aid and power of an ever revolving clock

"Demons run when a good man goes to war
Night will fall and drown the sun
When a good man goes to war
Friendship dies and true love lies
Night will fall and dark will rise
When a good man goes to war
Demons run but count the cost
The battle is won but the child is lost
When a good man goes to war"

I may as well not exist
I am no longer capable to resist
I am just a dog, being scolded by all
And while everyone bickers, I take the fall
I am now trapped, I am so sorrowful to admit
But I've tried. I'm still thinking, **** it!
But don't get your hopes up, don't wait for me
Because if I can't come up with anything then again you'll be crying
It's my fault. It always is.
This is the new chapter, and the nightmare now begins