i remember five months from now
how i sprawled across your lap like chainlink
and you traced an urban skyline
peeking through my skin.

i asked which radio tower was your favorite.
what's most beautiful about the city
we have yet to build.

Can we embrace each other warmly ever again?

i wish i was hidden away somewhere in your mind
along the string of memories that come forth every once in a while
snuggled in between your first heartbreak and the time you knew you wanted to stay alive
i wish i was the thought you slept on
that split second when you wake up and everything is okay in the morning
your calm before the storm and your calm after
your go to
your lifeline
your lifetime.

i threw in my pennies and dimes hoping to hear a chime
that turns into a ring
that turns into a “hello, i miss you”

i drown in the thought of you
until my face turns into a purple hue
i know you never meant to bruise my heart and turn it black and blue
i spoke to God about you
hoping my prayers would get through
but God doesn't exist to you

i wish you knew
maybe you do
maybe this wasn't so hard for you
i know you think this wasnt right
but here i am writing to you
letters that are long overdue

i think about you on most days
some more than others
sometimes i hide under the covers
hoping i might fall asleep and meet you in my dreams
where i dont feel like i need to stay upon this balance beam
hanging above distant memories that are falling apart at the seams

the sound of you, it fades with each passing day
i'm left wondering whether i should mourn your loss or just rejoice and walk away
if you asked me to, i would have stayed
left everything behind and walked your way
but you never asked
you never called
and it seems as though you never will

all i ask i that you come
meet me in a café somewhere
over there where faces are unfamiliar and everything is new
i bet you my life you wont recognize me
i am now the product of you
or rather, the lack of you.

so i tried to say goodbye
but my words tumble upon one another as they pass through the lump in my throat
i stutter  
all i am able to say is
my last penny goes out to you
this is our wishing well
i wish you well

i never used to smoke
but since you left,
it’s the only time i can seem to breathe

You stood on the track.
Consciously waiting,
For 8.30pm.
You knew exactly what was going to happen,
Yet you still stood.
Sweat dropped off your forehead,
Onto your tanned nose.
But you let go.
You had enough.
And 8.31pm came,
Now you are gone.

It was winning
     that destroyed the character
     of the winner

She died drunk as desolation
played her a gentle hymn
with flies crawling from under her tongue
and leaving her to her grave.

My tears made spots in
the dirt on her face,
we were in love with the chase of
highs we no longer attained.

Like sunken bug bites on her arm
with cuts all along her thigh,
I couldn't keep her from harm so we
cried through the nights as our highs
damaged us as much as the lows.

One day she moved no more,
having begged and beaten on the door
for too long till her hands were bruised,
and her soul failed her after so much disuse.

i am chaos pulsating through the
freedom of curved
bodies.
stimulating waterfalls of consumed
boxes.

i am the mapper of souls. to
creation doorways
and bodies of harnessed
spirits.

i am the will that tells time how to
to move to the freedom
of your curved bodies.