it has been one year, eleven months, and four days since i last saw your face
since i watched your hand raise to your lips like a nun in silent prayer in a farewell
just for me
through the ***** window
as i held the folded up note in my hand like my heart that was drawn with the words i needed to explain to you that I was scared I would forget how to breathe with you gone
that i still needed you
and then you were gone, your body disappeared out sight
it has been one year, eleven months, and four days since you left
and now i have something to say
i was sixteen years old, and my eyes were bright
i was sixteen and the way you dragged your fingertips across my back as you walked by like mice scurrying across the floor made me feel more than i ever thought it was possible to feel
how naive of me
i was sixteen and when your rough lips grazed my ear like an animal stalking its prey my heart exploded for every single possibility that your words held
i was sixteen and every time my father struck me i could feel it reverberating through my bones because my tender mind hadn’t caught up with my aching body yet and i knew  i knew that you were wrong
but when you stroked my hair and kissed my fingertips and your hands grasped my waist like you were holding on for dear life the only truth i could hear above the frantic beating of my heart was that you wanted me
that you validated me
you weaved your hands between my ribs and slipped your fingers around my heart and when you left YOU RIPPED OUT MY HEART AND TOOK IT WITH YOU
YOU SHATTERED EVERY WAY IN WHICH I THOUGHT I WAS WORTHWHILE

i’m not sixteen anymore
and i spent one year, eleven months, and four days trying to make the pieces of my broken self fit together in the same way that they did before your eyes become the reason that i smiled every day
i’ve spent all this time trying to tell myself that it wasn’t my fault, wasn’t my fault, wasn’t my fault WASN’T MY FAULT
I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY SAY BECAUSE YOU CAN’T TELL ME IM WISE FOR MY AGE WHEN I LET A MONSTER REDEFINE THE TRUTHS I THOUGHT I KNEW ABOUT MYSELF
it has been one year, eleven months, and four days
I want my heart back

if you got a chance
to read my poems,
i wonder
will you ever know
that these poems
are written by
thinking of you???
will you ever say
these poems
are lovely???
for i know
these are lovely
as these are
written for you...

I never once thought I would live this long.
Always assumed I would be buried by this point.
The scars i wear each tell a story
Each one tells of a mistake i made in a fight.

My shoulder blade was taken by a gun.
My back has  Kukri knife memories spanning it
My legs have so many stab wounds in them
I do not regret obtaining any of them.

White dust in golden skies
Atoms and protons of the universe
Mortal
Destined to die

The blackness of our souls
Revealed in dead eyes
As the creator call us rise from our graves
In cold coffins unmoving we lie

Shadows of the underworld
Fate place upon us aged hands
Strong heart that beats in sinewy chests
Is the silent downfall of man

Love and life's ills take tragic toll
Until we breathe no more
Forgotten
Lying in decaying ground
Still and silent evermore


This poem is copyrighted and stored in author base.  All material subject to Copyright Infringement laws
Section 512(c)(3) of the U.S. Copyright                    
Act, 17 U.S.C. S512(c)(3), Tammy M. Darby May 29, 2014