The clock strikes once.

I'm asleep but I hear it still.
The first chime goes and it sounds like this

"I"

The clock strikes again

I hold on and listen... I don't know what to expect

"Love"

The last strike of the clock is familiar.

Almost like home...yet I long for it still.

"You"

Can I lean on you just for a second?
Just to get my bearings where they once were.

When they once meant more than just balance,
But ideals I once stood for.


Can I lean on you just for a second?
Just to get my bearings where they once were.

When they once meant,
Wrong turns were an adventure,

But directions were an option,
As long as we were together.


Can I lean on you for just a second?

I promise
Just once more...

Just to get my bearings where they once were.

When they meant...
I knew who I was.

When they meant...
I knew who you were.

I don't think you fully understand the way you make me feel.

How is it possible that I feel like I'm in two places at once? That I'm standing here on earth but my heart is flying to the heavens. That I am in summer and spring at the same time. Seasons blur into one dream altogether. I know it's surreal, but for me, all seasons are fall.

Fall

I Fall.

I fall for you everyday... Every second... In every moment of my existence since the day you made yourself too big to ignore; too important to keep away from.

That's the thing about drinking,
it makes you forget.

Forget mistakes,
regret,
pain,
sadness,
people you hate,
people,
people you love,
happiness,
comfort,
what matters,
...who matters.

And all that's left is the hangover.

You know that feeling when
You stand up too quickly
And suddenly everything
Goes dark and just for a
Split second you feel like
You're floating in space-
the unknown.

Then a burst of color splashes
Across your eyes!
You're back on the ground.
And you struggle for a bit
To regain your bearings.
Then realize everything will be okay?

This is called a head rush.
In medical terms, it is
"a sudden drop in blood pressure
and coordination when a person
stands up too quickly."

Not too far off from what I felt
When I found out I loved you
And that you loved me too.

I lost my balance and
My life had been a constant
State of just everything going
Dark as I rushed into things
Without thought or constraint.
In school, in sports, in relationships...

Each attempt in the hopes of
Getting that splash of color
Yet I was left in the unknown-
The darkness.
Left behind...
Left wanting and wandering.

Then You--
you who had been
There all along,
you, whom I've Spoken to
a thousand times before,

Appear in front of my eyes,
Seemingly out of nowhere,
And like the true artist
That you are,

Start to paint my world
With color again.

How can losing any part of ourselves bring us down to our knees so quickly and with so much force? As if the laws of gravity hold true not only for the tangible, but for the intangible as well.

We seem to believe that "losing" or "lacking" only means that something is taken away from us. We forget that when a part of ourselves is ripped away, more of those parts grow back stronger and heavier. Just as our muscles are torn and repaired, our souls work the same way.

You may think you're lacking-- but in truth, you're getting stronger.

Uhmmm life is so funny... And people are funny. Like out of the millions of people in the world. You get attracted to such a small percentage.. Not even 1% really. Then out of that almost one percent, just a small percentage will actually return those feelings... So I guess this whole thing confuses me. Just like it confuses a lot of people, because... Finding someone who gives you happiness, someone who you want to give happiness to, and wanting to share in that happiness together.... Is a rare thing.

I guess, I'm just glad I got to experience that rare thing with you.

So, you confuse me too.

I grew up in the city. That's what's I've always known. And just like I know the city. I'm learning more about you each day.

I  want to know you like I know the city. I want to walk along your streets. I want to know each story from each of your buildings. I want to know of the walls you build around you. I want to memorize the path to each of your corners.

The cracks in your sidewalks are the scars on your legs and I want to introduce myself to every single one of them

I want to dig deep into the crevices, into your history, into your foundations and see what cements you together and tears you down

I want to be the paint on your pedestrian lane. I want to be your stop sign. Cause you, you are my traffic light, telling me when to go... When to slow down... and when to stop...

I want to wrap my arms around you like rush hour traffic wraps around the city.

My heart rises along with each new skyscraper reaching for the stars.

But even if my heart soars up into the skies...even as each floor of each building has a different story to tell, It's not the buildings that make the city. It's the lights. And you...

You're the hole in the wall ramen restaurant that no one goes to but everyone secretly likes

You're the park I sit in to get my daily dose of vitamin d.

You're the rooftop of my apartment-- the only place in the city where  I actually know I really truly feel like me.

Your skin is the used bookstore where the history is not in the text but in the pages, and your voice is my favorite record store, because you tug at my heart strings when you say "i wanna hold your hand" --

It's such a comfort to know that there's a convenience store half a block from my apartment but more comforting to know you're right here with me

I grew up falling asleep to the roar of trucks rolling past my window --I can't sleep in quiet houses.
But Since I've heard you breathe--I can't be calmed by any other sound

And just as the street painter spends each day memorizing the ups and downs of the ever changing skyline of the city, I want to memorize your mind, your body, your soul.

I grew up in the city.
This city knows all the hardships that pass through. All the broken promises and the unfulfilled dreams.

But this city also knows of truth--Knows of hope...
This city...knows what love is.
It has experienced the greatest love stories heard and unheard of...

I want to kiss you in the rain.
I want to kiss you under the light of a thousand stars.
I want to go to a party with you and get lost in the crowd.
I want to lie down beside you in the back of a pickup truck and just...be together.
I want to kiss you exactly at midnight on New Years.
I want to wake up beside you with our arms wrapped around each other-- and our hearts beating in rhythm.

All clichés. I want all the clichés. I don't care if they've been done by countess people around the world.

I want all that... and I want it all with you.

There are moments when I am so sure of myself. Moments where I feel infinite and nothing can go wrong.

Know that every single time I say these words...

"I love you"

I am in one of those moments.

my nem is truffles
and dis my nose
i sniff the feet,
i lik the toes

der be days
wen i get cold
i lift my leg
i cannot hold

And on the couch
Or on the rug
I do not care
I do not shrug

But when mom comes
And sees my ***,

i can tell no lies...

i do
the "eyes"

Oh how the artists of each generation thrive on the long lonely hours of the night

How they lurk each and every corner of quiet and stillness
How they ponder waves of truth and meaning only found in the dark

Oh how they unknowingly move mountains in their sleep

How they build bridges and pathways only the brave walk upon
How they strike up their fists in chime with each strike of the clock

The clock chimes in
Six strikes ring
the light breaks in
The artists are rising

When I'm with you,
I'm thrown back into a world
Of randomness and imagination
Much like the world I knew as a child.

We drive through my favorite fast food restaurant and you order the exact same thing I've ordered a million times before yet it's not like anything I've ever tasted.

You've become my childhood best friend. I whisper secrets into your ear. You listen. Hold my hand and share secrets of your own. Mine seem like planets compared to your galaxies.

You shove a coloring book to my face and all I want to do is color within the lines to impress you. But you surprise me and show me how to color outside the lines.

You've thrown me back into a world I thought was long gone. Back to when I thought of only good things. To when Santa was real. To when ice cream was the only medicine. To when a  rainy day meant home movies and no school.

To when all I could think of was waiting for someone like you to come into my life...
And now I'm thrown forward into now. Into the present. To when im with you. Beside you. Loving you. Thanking the stars for making the wait worth it.

Timing was a *****
...but so was I.

I held your hand
In shadows hope
Of one day feeling
More than my own

I kissed your lips
With wandering thoughts,
And bloodshot eyes.

I made you laugh
With words I've borrowed
from My past

But worst of all...

I told myself,
It wouldn't work

...when still,
What Lingers is,
maybe...

Maybe, This could last.

If you were but an abstraction,
I would still love you.
If you were but a whisper
thrown into the wind,
I would still love you.

If I could give you anything
of importance to me,
I would give you my thoughts.
For what are thoughts but
limitless forms of who we are?

I surrender the unlimited parts of me.