Three months from now I could be in my chair typing,
Three months from now I could be in a room teaching
Three months from now I could be in the road doing interview,
Or three months from now I could be in your arms saying I do.

There are endless possibilities that could happen,
But before that three months finally end,
Let me first savor my last college year,
Typing a poem while drinking a beer.

I want to shout until my ears hurt.
I want to curse until I ran out of words.
I want to run until I can't stand on my feet.
I want to stab myself until I can no longer breathe.

I want to be back to my own self,
I want to be free.
But everytime I try.
I can feel your hands' tight grip.

I've been depressed for three years now.
I've been suffering for sleepless nights.
I've been seeking for help a lot of times,
But no one dared to notice my cry.

They knew me as a strong girl,
The one who always smile.
But this time I know I'm afraid.
Afraid of what I can do to myself.

People used to tell life is amazing,
But they never told me how hard to have one.

People used to tell life is full of surprises,
But they never told me that some are not worth the price.

People used to tell life is a roller coaster,
But they never told me what to do when you reached the end.

People used to tell enjoy life to the fullest.
But I never did until I was running out too late.

Years ago, I would put up a white flag instead of fighting back.

Years ago, I would make a toasted cheese instead of my favorite.

But that moment in a lift, a night in December, I knew my heart turned cold.

That my once favorite name that I always whisper, is now the one that  I despise.

For that "you count on me" line, turned to "don't try to ask me back."

Blink
Type
Erase.
Type
Type
Type
Erase.
Checks the time..
Type,
Erase!!!!
Search Google,
Copy,
Paste,
Edit,
Save,
Upload.
Smile.

Hush now my darling,
dry thy tears,
silent your whimpers,
for the monster is near.

Don't scream if you hear its footsteps,
try not to breathe.
Think of your happy thoughts,
and count 'til three.

Smile now my darling,
you're already safe.
You don't need to worry.
nor ask for any help.

Look around my darling,
the monster is now lying.
soaked with your blood,
while smiling from ear to ear.

If
three years
is
difficult,
this year
i'll be
STRONGER.

I left
Not because I gave up
But because I want you to hold on.

I cried
Not because I'm weak
But because my feelings for you is too strong.

I got drunk
Not because it makes me forget
But because I'm afraid I might drown in this relation-****.

I wrote
Not because I can't speak
But because I want my words stub you and make you regret.

So if you could read this,
tell me what you feel
and I will Love you still.