my mouth mechanically moves
wouldyoulikeabaghereisyourreceiptthankyousomuchforcominginh­aveaniceday
i wonder how many times i have said the same sentence in the last half hour
as those recycled, rearranged letters
squeak, tired, from the middle of my throat
a laugh, fake, tense, comes from my nose
as i feel what little soul there was in me to begin with
die
this can't be it
this can't be all there is
the helpless thoughts slide sluggishly by
what is the point of surviving so much
when this is all i have to look forward to?

Standing still
Breath uneven
Gaze slipping down the snowy tracks
I watch
exasperated as you stutter
reasons
You can't
like the way
the slush clings
to my heart
unwilling to stop
Skiing,
I glance around at the beautiful
You
Breath uneven
You're laughing
Over me
The altitude,
And I can't think of anything else
Clouds gathering
The future
And I'm confused
As the rain melts down me
Breath uneven
My body
One great icicle
You see
Breath uneven
I'm crying
Snow dances
Weaving frozen tears
Together
Breath uneven
Blizzard
We can't find
The way back
to where
We began
But there's no forgetting
the journey
Here
I'm lost but found
Breath uneven
As your eyes
Tell me
Everything.

I am ready now
I knew I was ready when the words slipped from my lips driving home.
It wasn't the song that was playing, but  lines of a poem that I had not yet written.
The lyrical reminders that I am still smitten

By You.
You're still there.

I'm the in the library
You pull out my chair.
I need a parking pass
You pay for my fare.
In the day you're there and I'm aware that you stare at me but
at night

At night
I. Feel. You.

When the wind reminds me of how warm your presence can be.
When the door below the exit sign of the lecture hall opens and it is not you but the kind of girl I thought you would have wanted instead of me.

I stare at that door.
I stare at it and wish for ***** blonde and broad shoulders.
For sturdy hands that make the perfect holders for my heart.
I stare at that ******* door hoping that you will open it and everyone will wonder who you are and their answer comes when you grab me and give me that kiss long overdue.  

at night
On Tuesdays
I leave that lecture hall and return to my room.
And I stare at that door wishing for a flannel and green-hazel eyes.
I stare at my door praying to any god that for the night you come and make love to me.
For you to come and look at me like you did the first time and let me make up for all of the over-thinking. For all of the fear.
So you can teach me how to love you.

You don't have to stay till morning.
Just long enough for me to fall asleep in your arms.

at night
When the time comes for me to squeeze the sheets
I whisper your name.
Because I only want that pleasure from you.

I am afraid of loss.
I am afraid of being used.
And during the day I venture alone.
But at night I
only
  want
    you.

Drop your Grudge Rants
by the door
We Will Not Tolarate
This Anymore

Edit and toss Distasteful Rhymes
Ugly Poems with Vain designs

Haughty thoughts and
bitter words
Childish petty accusing verbs

Who did What to Who and When
Will this Clusterfuck never end?

Selfish actions, Spoiled Children
We Refuse to be your Minions

Like CNN
And Drone Fox news

We've had enough of
Self Serving views

Hurting hearts, far and wide
tender Poets with
tenuous pride

Yet, Strutting and Indignant
for who I ask?
All those involved,
A Donkeys ***

Not a home for
Egotistical Zealots
Nor a place for
flinging pellets

We come in Peace, HP to share
Not get caught in ugly snares

And to the few that
have the gaul.

"If you have nothing decent to say,
say nothing at all"

YOU CHOOSE TO USE
HP THIS WAY.
GO AWAY. FIND SOME
WHERE ELSE TO PLAY.

●HELLO●HELLO●HELLO●**
                

Copyright © 2015 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved