It has been seven months since I have posted a poem,
Seven months since I have closed a tome.
Signed and sealed, a book collecting dust,
My gilded cage open, now collecting rust.

High School heat gave way to the gentle ocean's wisdom,
My life has taken such a turn, **** no word rhymes with wisdom.
Maybe I no longer have such a need for these words,
When I look back I think maybe poems are for nerds.

Nerds and artists who take themselves too seriously,
And seriously what the **** rhymes with seriously?
But too seriously is not how I have learned to look at me,
I am slowly learning to be ok with being free.

Health and life and joy and passion,
I have opened myself up in a quite painful fashion.
And I must learn to be kind to my past distractions,
I must learn to embrace  how I was divided in fractions.

Fractions that now are becoming whole,
And how beautifully the word whole rhymes with soul.
My soul which no longer desires depressions,
But a soul that is willing to ask these questions.

Love and aching still burst my chest,
The weight of my youth can drown out the rest.
But I have healed and grown in these seven months,
****, I have done it again, nothing rhymes with months.

that’s my kind of girl,
with the long and big teeth.
she rolls a joint.
licks it.
complete.

        “dinosaurs ****** **** up,”

she says,
and we breathe big clouds,
escape the beetle-wood plague.

shapeshifter kids
thumb through the guts of a dead mammoth
/or mastodon.
i never know which is which.

It topples; end over end.
It has ever since that asteroid banged into it,
sending it tumbling.
It's thoughts, like its formerly outside layer of rock, are scattered.
It's not sure if it wants to continue spinning or not. At the same time, it recognizes it's powerlessness before the hand of physics.
It does not know when another asteroid will make contact.
It wants to crash into a planetary body, so as to be apart of something bigger.
It wants gravity to pull it in, slowly caressing it home. It doesn't know where that will be, but it remembers, a long time ago, being much larger. And faintly, it remembers, even longer ago, of being very much smaller.
It can almost remember when it, along with everything else in the universe, was one. It can almost remember the warmth of the force that dispersed it and it's sisters everywhere they could possibly be. Forever.
Eternity is the only concept it can truly understand.

It's beginning to understand that it doesn't so much like this idea of Forever,
but these thoughts will take millennia upon millennia to form,
and many times that long to be understood.

An other asteroid passes within two miles of it and it almost gets excited.
Maybe tomorrow, it thinks, maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow.

I still reference you in conversations.
I still smell your flannels.
I wonder how soft your hair is today.
I kiss the walls of the shower just to hear the same pop our lips would make.
I wish I had endless pictures of your collar bones and eyes.
I wish I had endless access to your thighs and chest and that dot on your neck.
When I *** I say your name.
Your voice recordings aren't the same.  I want you to call and put me to sleep with your breath and I want this all without the repercussions.

I want you to be my friend.
And I want the benefit of you being my lover again.

"That's all I can say"
You said.

I told you that was okay.
"No worries."
I didn't know what I wanted you to say...

Okay yea I did.

****.
Eddie Eddie Eddie.
I'm just at this stop sign.
Minding my own radio stations and avocado smoothie.
Of course you pull up next to me.
Of course you look away casually.
Of course you're wearing a plain white tee.
And don't you look so good in it Eddie.
****.
So unfair.
My car is here and yours is there and
I'm trying not to stare but
How can I not be aware of my biggest crush? EVER?
With his blonde hair.
It never was fair how this black girl
Yearned for green eyes that never cared back girl.
While the sun is always on my mind
You come up sometimes and it's stupid.
"You stupid
****"
I think, sometimes.
Because she's little stupid-
The little girl who followed boys home.
The one who would wait for emails before we had phones.
The one who grew up and still doesn't know what the **** to do so she calls her mom in the parking lot asking for advice because she desperately wanted to follow him to his destination and learn everything about his day so she could better coordinate her outings in order increase her chances of seeing him again but she knows that's creepy and her mom says so too.
That girl, is dumb.
Eddie.
But you're dumb too.
You dumb ****.
No, you're smart and funny and so **** **** I want to **** my self.
I hate being so beautiful and so clueless that it goes to waste sometimes.
Eddie Eddie Eddie.
You make me really nervous.
So *******.