I have lived lifetimes
At night while I sleep
I want to rest now
But I'm scared of what I'll see

It's not loss of money,
not the fear of it not working out,
It's not the lack of time,
never enough to keep it all in line,
It's the day they wake up
realizing I'm no longer fun

She used to smile, and laugh so free,
She used to be silly, humorous as can be
She was adventurous and curious and kind,

She is a woman I miss all the time.

Sleep isn't restful when I dream of you
I wake up and I'm panicked
But I'll just lay here 'till noon
Never were impressed by my party tricks
But performing's all I ever knew

Maybe if I let people in
I wouldn't be so lonely like this
No one to turn to, no where to cry,
I just lay here and fester while the days go slowly by

I really don't have real friends, none that I can talk to everyday
Almost thirty years of people pleasing and they all watch me decay

Do your people watch me?
Do they know where I am?
This imbalance of knowledge seems slightly unfair,
I have to wonder, and ponder, and yearn,
Yet you sit back peacefully with your ways to learn,
The curiosity is torturing me, making me sick
What are you doing?
Who is it with?
Heartache morphs to obsession sickenly quick
But if I miss a step, or I scare the crows, the universe makes sure you're the first one that knows.

I wish I could draw, I dont want to write

Three shades of blue, a couple purple hues

Splattered over ink pen outlines

A figure sat low, knees dug into the ground

Lines overlapping, the details are smudged

What's she begging for you'd wonder,
And who is she begging above?

Tears would streak the page, but it'd just add to the scene

A figure unmoving, an illustration I'd love

But no I can't draw her

So I write her alive, but it's not the same

I can write her feelings, but I'd like to draw her pain

If you can't verbally listen maybe I could visually explain