It's been a while
Since I last wrote
I suppose I haven't had much to say
I can't seem to feel anything at all

Every day is a blur
My heart aches for contact
To hear familiar voices around me
To be anywhere that's not this house

But more than anything
I just want to feel something
I just want to feel loved

To be honest, I feel pretty broken inside
I live with a woman who’s out of her mind.
What’s right is wrong, what’s wrong is right,
The moon is the sun, the day is the night.

She screams and she shouts,
She wallows and pouts,
Her mockery’s vicious,
Her memories? Fictitious.

Nothing in life is as it would seem.
I wake up and feel like I’m still in a dream.
A nightmare of dreary existence, of pain,
Of suffering from the voices in my brain.

With her condescension she sends me reeling
Her temper takes hours, no, days in its healing.
She tells me I’m awful, ungrateful, I’m rude,
That I have to change my bad attitude…

I have not said a word.
But she still hasn’t heard.
I say nothing, I’m doomed.
If I speak I’m entombed.

My very existence just sets off a bomb.
Is this what you want?
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

I remember this
I remember the pain of sleeping on an empty stomach
The constant fear I was about to die
Eating only what I absolutely had to
And even then, I was so weak...
I remember weakness...
Missing a step and falling
Dizziness... all the time
I was really sick...

But I’m not there now.
This is different.
I’m hungry because I simply forgot to eat
The weakness will pass
It’s not happening again
I’m okay. I’m okay.

I myself am quite harmless
However
If the world were to burn
I’d probably stand back and watch
Holding my cold fingers over its flames

Perhaps I’m so terrified
That I might still be alive
I’ll do anything
To prove myself wrong