You caught me off guard.
You threw me for a loop.
I've been left confused, speachless, and breathless.
You think you love me.
You say you have these "feelings for me".
What does any of that even mean?
I have to believe that it was all stemmed from the intoxication.
A mere drunken moment.
You can't love me.
You don't even know me.
Maybe, you love the idea of me.

****. I wish you wouldn't have said that.
Now I'll just be waiting for you to leave just like everyone else.
I'll go on automatic self-destruct.
I'm like a time bomb.
It's likes personal bet to see how fast I can make you leave.

Why won't I just let myself be happy for once?

He told me he loves me.
He said that he's in love with me.
What kind of person says that?
Less than 20 minutes before he confessed his "love" for me, he had a girlfriend. For two years.
I am so confused and lost.
You can't just say that.
You don't get to throw those words around.
But, he was brave. Courageous.
He's known me for three years and risked a rejection I wasn't even willing to face after sixteen.
To an extent, I understand...
I couldn't even express my love for you after sixteen years: drunk or sober.
****.
What have I become?
I need to realize that he isn't you.
He loves me.
That's something you never did.

They say it will all fade: the sound of your voice, the warmth of your embrace, look in your eye when you are genuinely happy, these feelings I have for you. They say it will all become a distant memory. A thing of the past. I just, I just don't know if I'm ready to forget you.  I find myself holding on for dear life. But is it worth it? Is remembering you worth knowing that you forgotten me?
I've tried to forget you.
Believe me,
I've tried… I just can't yet.
I can't move on.
I can't be me without you.
I can't breathe without you.
I guess I'm just stuck.

I deleted your number the other day. It occurred to me after you forgot my birthday that you really had forgotten about me. You've been a complete **** to me for the past six years, I'm just now coming to get the fact that you were no good for me. So, I deleted your number, as if that mere act would delete you from my memory. I don't know what we had, maybe contains no definition. But I felt something when I was with you and I just can't take it anymore.  You've moved on, and so should I. I began, by deleting your number.

Same problem, different guy. I don't know why I'm so insecure, because I'm not. I love me, I'll own up to my faults but I'm pretty great. I just don't know  what anyone sees in me. Even if he likes me now that could all change in a matter of seconds. It has before, don't see a difference now. But say it didn't change. Say we got together and it lasted. I'm still going away to college, and then start my career soon after. Point is everything has an end. I don't want to waste my time.

She thought he completed her. She thought they were made for eachother.  She figured that he meant what he said when he told her she was the one for him. She believed him as the words "I love you" poured out of his mouth. She gave her heart to him with nothing in return. Little did she know that he was incapable of giving her anything back. For he gave his heart away before, and it was never returned. He now steals time, love, life, which no intention of reciprocation. His words were always empty. His soul, always blank. He broke her and wouldn't take the blame. Now she sits in silence watching life pass her by while the one who stole her heart was living an all time high.

I'm  getting there. I'm getting to my happy place again. You're still always on my mind, but it's beginning to hurt less. It doesn't feel like there's a gaping hole in me, my chest, my life. It doesn't feel as bad as it used to you anymore when someone brings you up, when something reminds me of you or when I have to go to sleep without you by my side. Life is beginning to go back to the way it was before you ****** around with it .  It's finally as if you were always a distant memory. Soon you'll fade completely. I won't be constantly wagering the "what if's" and "whys" for they will no longer matter. I will simply be focused on the present, for it is a gift I have yet to open .