Shower her with love
Tell her that she is beautiful
Show her that you care
Just always be there
Let her know that you need her
Be her guiding light
Make her your priority
Always take responsibility

Let me do this. I shout internally
From the outside, through a gloomy window pain
The silent static of stormy suffering
What am even I doing here?

Begging, pleading with myself
Just do it. Just let it all end.
I can't, I reply. There is too much at stake
Funny, for such a waste of space.

Outside the window earth keeps turning
Flowers keep growing, colors bleed into the fabric of time
To only reach out and touch, I would be convinced
There has to be more than these four walls

Empty room and impending doom.

What should never be
Soul separating at the seams
Bullets in my dreams
Me eyeing that apartment on Bub Teems

What should never be
Mama in the bathtub, in the floor
Pinned to the wall, I can't take any more
In my bed shaking to the core

What should never be
Night time screams and deadly dreams
Pounding pulse and silent repulse
Soaking sheets and floor beats

What should never be
Picking up furniture, who's keeping score?
The fresh metal hole in the screen door
Speak of these things never more.

In state of perpetual discomfort
An object in motion tends to stay in motion
And a woman in pain tends to stay in pain
Longing for things she knows not
Desperation of unknown origin
Technicolor daydreams, rendered euphoria
Take me to the field of wildflowers
Dipped in the last glorious light of evening
Because this house isn't a home tonight
Void, endless sky, drawing me in
Like a long lost friend who only wants to help
The hands that created the stars
Have a hold on my heart tonight

sandstone hits glass
she wants to talk about our past
the knives,the guns,the pills fill my head
her words ring in my ears like a lost melody
the things i would do to her,
the things i would do for her

she wields her sword and raises her shield,
ready to fight
our enemy is not the one waiting at the city gates
but the one messing with her heads.

we have the same enemies, her and i
they are born in our heads,
they thrive on our thoughts,
they keep us awake at 3 AM with a bottle of wine by our bedsides
because our eyes are too tired to shut themselves,
they make us love ourselves sometimes
only to rip us apart and wear our skin as cloaks.
our enemies are peculiar
they lift the corners of our mouth to form a smile
they make us swallow pills and snort drugs to feel alive.
we don't fight them
we let them win
we let them aim their guns at us
we let them destroy our will to live
we let them follow us to family gatherings and night-outs
we watch them rip our insides out with a smile
we can never get them out of our heads.
you see, we once built a palace inside our heads
we adorned the walls with our favourite pictures and stories
we hung fairy lights by our bedsides
because all the light we couldn't see was fading away.
the demons crawled out from under our beds and got into our heads.

darkness loomed over our palace.
the fairy lights were broken
the pictures shattered
the stories reduced to scribbles
we sharpened our knives,
got guns for hands,
bombs at the entrance
and changed the lamps to grenades
but they didn't die.
they grew stronger.

we tried to burn down our palace,
run away to our haven
but they got us in the end
and no matter how high our swords and shields are raised
they will stay with us
until the very end

The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.

I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.

I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.

And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.

I woke up in a movie
Just when the credits rolled
It might have been a romance
But I have no way of knowing

I couldn't help but think of you and me
And how we are like a movie
How we sometimes sleep through it
This romantic comedy

Maybe when it's over
We'll give each other credit
For all the things that we did right
And all the things we didn't

How we made it through to the bitter end
Of the laughter and tears that we played in
Major stars in our own right
In the way that we both lived

I woke up in a movie
Just when the credits rolled
It might have been a romance
But I have no way of knowing