Mental health
Is my favorite
Oxymoron

Jumbo shrimp
Is next…

Despair
It roils beneath the surface
Agitating
Provoking
Demanding
Hating
Me

It tells me that I ****
It tells me that I am worthless
It tells me that I should die
That I NEED to die

It feeds upon the dark things that I think about myself
When it hungers too deeply,
It explodes outward
exposing it’s hideous face
But mostly I can contain it under a façade of intellectualism and superficial positivity

But it is always there
Waiting to be fed

I am not ill
How am I responsible for your illness?
I am free
How am I responsible for your imprisonment?
I work
How am I responsible for your struggles?
I am content
How am I responsible for your disquiet?
I am my own master
How am I responsible for your servitude?
I am disciplined
How am I responsible for your chaos?
I am strong
How am I responsible for your weakness?
I am resilient
How am I responsible for your fragility?
I am faithful
How am I responsible for your infidelity?

My strengths
Like my faults
Are my own
And yours are yours

When minor acts of defiance
are guilty pleasures,
You are not free

It’s a glass half full
It’s a light in the distance
It’s the rising sun
It’s being away from home and hearing the language you speak
And it’s a dollar you find lying on the street

It’s 8 and a half yards on a third and 9
It’s a small tug on the end of the line
It’s writing a poem and finding a rhyme
And it’s the day she said, “Yes”, she’d go out with you one more time

It’s the half an hour before the exam
It’s the gallon of gas to get home
It’s when success follows success and you know
that you can do it alone

It’s finding a flashlight that works
And driving to the beach in the rain
It’s an all-night diner
And New Year’s champagne

It’s a homemade dinner
A dog’s wagging tail
It’s a small act of kindness
in a world of fails…

Yesterday we bumped along dusty farm roads together
Yesterday the packing shed was a beehive of activity
Yesterday I was the ring bearer in his wedding
Yesterday all of the cousins splashed in his apartment swimming pool,
fearing the wrath of the mean man
in number 9.
Yesterday I saw him at the pier
Yesterday we went fishing
Yesterday he barbecued tri-tip and we reminisced over old photos
Yesterday he cheered for the Giants and the 49ers
Yesterday he laughed until tears rolled from the corners of his eyes
Yesterday there was a tomorrow to look forward to…

I cannot go home.
Rather I cannot go where my family lives - that place ceased to be home some time ago.
I was a soldier during the Cold War and my neighbors there have become more like East German loyalists than American citizens.
They surrender their rights without question
They are eager to call out community members on social media for ‘social distancing violations’.
They use shame and ridicule to control others
They applaud the police for keeping children from playing in gigantic public parks
They trust politicians who ignore public defecation and drug use to look out for ’the public good'
They allow themselves to be labeled ‘essential’ and ’non-essential’
They carry ’traveling papers’ in the event that they are stopped by the police
They propagate the most inflammatory statistics without ever validating their veracity.
Because…
They heard it on CNN.

So I will remain 1098 miles away
Zooming
Skyping
Facetiming
Until the contagion subsides

And then I’ll return
To a completely different world.

In a caravan
Driving a beaten up Humvee
Down the road we go
pulling security (Pow, Pow, Pow)
See the villagers
hiding behind donkeys
Now it’s time to hit the gas cause
they’re shooting right at me

Oh, 7-6-2, 7-6-2,
bullets flying my way
Oh it ***** to have to drive
through Afghanistan today (Hey!)
7-6-2, 7-6-2,
bullets flying my way,
Oh it ***** to have to drive
through Afghanistan today.

Driving down the road
On a routine resupply
Did the bomb squad
clear this route
cause I don’t want to die (Hi, Hi, Hi)
Checking with HQ
to make sure it is clear
The 2nd Lieutenant in the TOC
says, “There’s nothing to fear.”

Oh, 7-6-2, 7-6-2,
bullets flying my way
Oh it ***** to have to drive
through Afghanistan today (Hey!)
7-6-2, 7-6-2,
bullets flying my way,
Oh, it ***** to have to drive
through Afghanistan today.

To the tune of 'The Dreidl Song"
(Can't leave out my Jewish Friends)

Claymore, Claymore, Claymore
You’re made out of C-4
Claymore, Claymore, Claymore
I put you out once more

I put in place a Claymore
For our security
And when I squeeze the clacker
Ball bearings they will see

Oh, Claymore, Claymore, Claymore
You make a big kaboom
Claymore, Claymore, Claymore,
You send them to their doom.

On our little Claymore,
it says ‘Front Toward Enemy’
And when they pull the tripwire
Their Paradise they'll see!!

Oh, Claymore, Claymore, Claymore
You’re made out of C-4
Claymore, Claymore, Claymore
I put you out once more.

To the merry tune of
"Feliz Navidad"

Let’s bomb Talibans
Let’s bomb Talibans
Let’s bomb Talibans
and help to clean up
Afghanistan
I wanna call in a Spectre gunship
I wanna call in a Spectre gunship
I wanna call in a Spectre gunship
For some close
Air Support.
Let’s bomb Talibans
Let’s bomb Talibans
Let’s bomb Talibans
and help to clean up
Afghanistan
I wanna call in an Air Force J-DAM
I wanna call in an Air Force J-DAM
I wanna call in an Air Force J-DAM
to blow them to
Kingdom Come
Let’s bomb Talibans
Let’s bomb Talibans
Let’s bomb Talibans
and help to clean up
Afghanistan
I wanna call in a UH-60
I wanna call in a UH-60
I wanna call in a UH-60
to get us out of here.

Away on deployment
The dirt for a bed
A young 11 Bravo
Lays down his bald head
The birds in the sky
patrol where he lay
The young Airborne Ranger
survived one more day.
The bad guys are crawling,
they’re reaching the wire
But our Airborne Ranger,
he meets them with fire.
He detonates claymores,
He fires his M-4
The bad guys retreat,
They want it no more.
The Rangers pursue
and mow them down
They kick down doors
throughout the small town
Not one of the terrorists
greets the next day
The Airborne Rangers made them pay.

Donkeys bray, are you listening?
In the mountains, rocks are glistening,
A desolate sight, we're patrolling tonight
Dodging bullets in East Waziristan
Gone away, is Osama
Now we're stuck with Obama
And one MRE
Between you and me
Patrolling in frozen Waziristan
In the mountains we can drive our Humvees,
Watching out for hidden IEDs
Insurgents shoot and yell
'Allahu Akbar'
Until Spectre’s mini-guns are seen
Then we’ll watch, as she fires
and helps fulfill
martyrdom desires
What a beautiful sight, lighting the night
Miniguns in East Waziristan.

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul
until the climate changed and then he raged
and became a real a-hole.
Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale they say
Because there is no snow, anywhere we go
Al Gore said it would be this way.
There must have been some carbon in those cars and trucks we saw,
Because we drove them all around, the snow began to thaw....
Ooooooo
Frosty the snowman was alive as he could be,
Wheezing here and there, melting everywhere,
Because of CFCs.
Thumpety, thump, thump
Thumpety, thump, thump
Look at Frosty moan
Thumpety, thump, thump
Thumpety, thump, thump
Because of the thin ozone!

(To The Tune of Winter Wonderland)
In the city there are people
In the country there are people
It's winter time
It's winter time
In December it is usually winter time.
In the desert, there are people
On an island, there are people
It's winter time
It's winter time
Unless you live in the Southern Hemisphere
We don't want to exclude Australians
From our inoffensive winter song
It's just that they're experiencing summer
And their days are
really, really, really long
La, la, laaaaa
La, la, la, laaaa
La, la, la,
La, la, la, laaaa
It's winter time
It's winter time
In December, it is usually winter time.

There are points in life
When we run out of
Tomorrows

Yesterday I bumped along dusty farm roads in the back of his truck
Yesterday he proposed to my Godmother
Yesterday I was the ring bearer in his wedding
Yesterday I splashed in his apartment swimming pool with my cousins
Yesterday we went fishing
Yesterday I saw him at the pier
Yesterday we barbecued tri-tip and reminisced over old photos
Yesterday he cheered for the Giants and the 49ers
Yesterday he laughed until tears rolled from the corners of his eyes
Yesterday there was a tomorrow to look forward to…

Evil has brown eyes
Love has brown eyes

And blue
and green

Love's skin is pale
Evil’s skin is pale

And tan
And dark brown

Evil wears a police uniform
Love wears a police uniform

And a teacher’s lanyard
And an apron

Love speaks calmly
Evil speaks calmly

And gently
And kindly

Evil speaks harshly
Love speaks harshly

And angrily
And cruelly

Love hides behind the Bible
Evil hides behind the Bible

And the Torah
And the Qu’ran

Evil is male
Love is male

And female
And all of the genders in between

Evil, like Love, isn’t in how a person looks
Love, like Evil, isn’t in how a person sounds
Evil, like Love, isn’t in how a person prays

Love, like Evil, is in what a person does
Evil, like Love, is in what a person does not do

Vacant eyes betray
Cognition as absent as
His successor’s soul

You're drunk dialing me again
And I listen to your story and then
I throw something on, walk over and knock on your door
I make us coffee and hang out till 4:00
Till you doze off asleep on the floor
I cover you up and head back home
And crawl back into bed all alone...

Cause I'm
Not thin enough
I don't show skin enough
I'm not cute enough to turn your friends' heads,
But...
I'm the sweetest girl you've ever known
That's why I'm in the friend zone

You ask me
Can I borrow 50 till I get paid next week?
Is your Netflix password still Happy Feet?
Does your car have any gas?
Don't that blonde have a fine....

And you know I'm
Not ***** enough
I don't sleep round enough
I'm not tatted up
I don't have thigh gap enough
To impress all the boys...
But I'm the sweetest girl you've ever known
That's why I'm in the friend zone

You said your girl left you for good
Packed up her sh*t, blocked your number, and moved
You cried in my arms, didn't know what to do...
I held you tight, kissed your hair and whispered, "I love you."

But I'm
Not cute enough
I don't have ***** 'nough
Or Botox enough
To catch a boy like you;
But I'm the sweetest girl you've ever known
That's why I'm in the friend zone

I pressed the call button one last time
You voice said, "Leave a message or text me at 9:00"
My words were simple and clear,
Because I wanted you to hear...

I am the best friend that you've ever known
What are you gonna do now that I'm gone?
You have to solve your problems all alone

I am leaving the friend zone...

The phone rings and it's 2:00 AM
I hear your voice on the other end
You're cryin' and it sounds like he'***** you again
Sure, I'll come get you and I'll take you in -
while you try to work things out with him...

Because I'm not rich enough
I'm not tall enough
I'm not hot enough
But I'm the nicest guy you've ever known...
It's why I'm in the friend zone

A few weeks later I hear your ringtone
You're whispering, so I know you're not alone
He came home drunk and angry tonight
Now he's breaking up the house and he's looking for a fight
You ask if I could meet you at the end of the road
and if I'd mind bringing a change of clothes...
Of course not, I'll be there in 10,
just to get you away from him

But you know...
I'm not hip hop enough
I'm not redneck enough
I'm not bad boy enough
I'm not Tik Tok enough
But I'm the nicest guy you've ever known...
It's why I'm in the friend zone

I'm out with the boys on a Saturday night
County sheriff tears by screaming sirens and lights
The music's playing loud and I'm halfway gone
So I pay him no attention and never looked at my phone
5 missed calls and 3 texts unread
"Help me please," was what the last one said

But you said I'm
Not this enough
and I'm not that enough
And I live on the wrong side of town...
But I promise, I promise
I'll be there...
When they lay you down.

Blinding flash
Eardrums burst
Blood, so much blood
Is it mine?
My eyes!
MEDIC!!

Snipping ripping
Scissors and hands tear away at my clothes
Water or something splashes
Burning everywhere
The smell...
**** and fire and burned meat
Is this what death smells like?
MOM!!!

Floating
No carried
On a litter
Now flying
UH-60
****!
Something jabbed...
Floating
Floating

Far away
Voices
Beeping
Crying
Screaming
Begging
Mom?

Closer
Voices
­Beeping
Wheels rolling
Machine sounds
Words
Mom...

Here, Now
Bright lights
Searing pain
Masked faces
Muffled voices
IV bags
Machine sounds
Mom
Questions
No answers

Where's my leg?

I see you there
In the rearview mirror of my life
Fading
As I move forward
knowing
we'll never ride
side by side
again

I'll share my thoughts
You'll hear my words
and see my deeds.

My love and pain
Are mine alone

Amputate
His leg
She said so calmly
I thought
Yours first

Do you ever feel like your soul is locked up in a small box
Do you ever feel like that box is placed inside of a deep cave
Do you ever feel like that cave is sealed up with dirt and stone
Do you ever feel like that cave is filling up with frigid water
Do you ever feel like it’s getting hard to breathe
Do you ever feel like it’s time to stop breathing….

I mistook your kindness
for kindness.
I was wrong.

When I suffer
My thoughts are always
of you

Because of you
I taught myself
Not to cry....

I hope that I've done something
in my life
To make you proud....

Music transcends time and distance
touching souls generations apart
and worlds away....

Our home is just a house
without
you

I'm A positive
You were AB negative
I'm so, so sorry...

Can you see the poems
that I wrote for you
from Heaven?

Their tombstones stand valorous guard
to an increasingly ungrateful
nation

You're fortunate that I'm not
Who you say
That I am....

It was never my place to judge you
Why is it yours
To judge me?

If you care
As much as you say that you care
Why would you do that?

Ancient words
Conceal my prayers
From hostile modern ears

When no one else is
You are
There for me

Betrayal is bitter herbs
Leaving a permanent
putrid aftertaste.

You will never know
How much
I didn't trust you....

The bleeding has slowed
You can remove your knife
From my back

Their vile words
Their contemptible hypocrisies
Are acid on my soul

I am a tumbleweed
Rootless, common;
Windblown to oblivion

What would it take
For us to be friends
Once again?

A thief in the night,
Alzheimer's steals life
One moment at a time

I dream of sitting beside a massive crater
and trying to fill it
with a spoon

What's in the jars Granny?
Them's dills
Them's bread and butter
And the smaller jar's spicy pickles

What's in the jars Granny?
That one there's chow chow
Next to it's sweet relish
and the one in back is sauerkraut

What's in the jars Granny?
Well, the purple one's grape jelly
The one in the middle's orange marmalade
and the big brown one's apple butter

Why do you put up so much food, Granny?
Cause I lived through a season of lack called the Great Depression
and I never want y'all kids to be as hungry as my kids were.

Take what you want.
I'll make more.

Does everyone feel the heaviness?
Does everyone see society coming apart at the seams?
Does everyone taste the bitterness that people have for one another?
Does everyone hear the rage being spat in the public square?
Does everyone smell the destruction of the institutions that once bound us together?

How can we experience all of this and still have hope?

I remember lingering with the boys
long after the decent people had left
drinking to your memory
I remember your coffin being lowered into the ground;
slowly, reverently.
I remember the folded flag, given to your mom by the Colonel;
tears streaming down both of their faces.
I remember the rifle salute - with M60s
I remember escorting your coffin into the chapel;
the Battalion at attention to honor you.
I remember the adrenaline filled chaotic night, the sounds of battle, and the radio message that you were amongst the fallen.

But I don't want to remember you that way,
so I close my eyes and dream back...

To the moment that you arrived in Battalion - wide-eyed and scared to death.
To the announcement that you were joining weapons squad and how the senior squad members tested your mettle every moment of every day.
And how you met every challenge.
To the long days and nights that we trained and worked and soldiered and suffered together; and how you grew to become a Ranger and a Brother.
I will remember your raw strength and endurance and how you would smile the biggest when life ****** the most.
I will remember you this weekend and the boys will drink to your memory once again.

RLTW!