timing was something i never believed in
i thought if two people wanted to be together
they would

i had known you for eight years
always in the same class
always sat next to each other
always could talk for hours
we blended so perfectly together
we balanced the other out
everyone could see we belonged together
but i was with someone else
i never saw you in that way
          and that was okay

two years later
we are up until 4am talking
not wanting to leave each other’s side
we kissed for the first time
it was like placing the last piece of the puzzle
          we fit so perfectly
but you were just visiting
living 1, 973 miles from me
i thought this was it
fairytale comes true
the classic
          “we all knew you would end up together”
but you left
with a glimmer of hope we’d be together
but we were on different paths
we want different things
we lived in different parts of the country
maybe our paths will cross again
maybe next time
we will have better timing

maybe you love her
even when you say you don’t
and maybe you miss her
in every way when you’re alone
but tell me why
when you hold me close,
for a second, i believe
you love me the most.

don't waste your breath
telling me to get better, talk ***** to me
don't hold your breath
hoping i try to help myself.
if you're going to hold my neck
hold it a lot tighter than that,
don't forget to push down
on my windpipe with your palm,
we're wrapped up in these bedsheets
because i want you to hurt me.
i want to see the rope burn on my wrists glisten
where it's begun to tear away at my flesh
and i like to feel real tangible knots
when i'm ******* in self loathing.
i struggle to find the line between
lovesick and depressed or
being a *******. what's the big difference.
either way i wake up with bruised
blue lips and oxygen deprivation,
and fresh linens wet with singeing liquids,
and a pain in my stomach or lungs that means
i'm still breathing slightly.
i wanted you to **** me.